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Old 12-03-2010, 11:32 PM
Diauno Diauno is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3
Default Jealousy

I've been rolling this one in my head for a while hoping it would pass, but no such luck.

How do you deal with jealousy?

My situation is sort of unique and odd an all at the same time. I am in a polyamorous relationship with an ex boyfriend. As the deal works, I only see him once every 3-4 months. He has just started a relationship with another man (he is bisexual). I was the one who suggested polyamory, not thinking that he was actually in a relationship; I thought he was seeing someone casually. Once we met up, I realized how serious things were between him and this guy. They talk every night, and text each other like crazy. Our relationship is not that way. I"m not sure why; just after we broke up, we just kept reconnecting. I realized that even though others come and go, I wanted him to be a permanent staple. I was okay with this arrangement until I realized he was in love with someone. I'm hoping its NRE, but I don't know.

Before I suggested poly, I read up on it a great deal, talked with people I knew who were into it. Jealousy was something I was worried about, because I know myself. After much thought and consideration, I delved in thinking I would be ok. I was with my ex last weekend, and while there, found out that his boyfriend would be visiting him the following weekend. I tried to focus on our time together, which was amazing, and wouldn't have it any differently. But now, today, knowing that his boyfriend is going to be visiting him this weekend (they live 2 hours away from each other while I am 4 hours away and can't make the trek as freely as his boyfriend can) I can't concentrate. I know being with this guy is what he really wants since he leans closer to men then women. I'm afraid that he's going to fall in love, and I won't be allowed back for a visit. I voiced my opinion last time we were together and we talked about, but it was only later that I realized we didn't resolve anything. By that I mean, my invitation for February/March is free floating and has not been finalized or voiced.

The other person is not aware of me, because of the relationship they have. Before we call it cheating, let me clear it up ;it is because of my ex's circumstances. He's never had a mm relationship before and most of the guys he's met have not taken to kindly to this. When he met this guy (they met online) he told him the truth, but since we weren't together at that time, he didn't mention it when we did decide to try sleeping together again. He plans to tell his new partner, eventually (I've told him I won't come back if he doesn't) but now I feel my threats are empty, because I"m the one who does not want to let go and lose this great relationship.

Not sure what to do. I'm panicking and making a mess of myself. I want to control my fears, just believing that come February he will want me to come see him. The other part of me is scared shitless, terrified that come February that he will decide he wants a monogamy and then I won't be able to come back.

Help Please!
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