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  #21  
Old 12-01-2010, 08:45 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Edited:

I am sorry that I was snippy in this post. I fixated on the whole death-in-the-family aspect of it and it got me a bit riled up. It's my problem and I didn't mean to make it yours.

I'm leaving the post after this one the way it was because it's better.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 12-02-2010 at 02:06 AM. Reason: apology
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  #22  
Old 12-01-2010, 08:54 PM
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Selene Selene is offline
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Oh shit really? I though I was in fairy fuck sunshine land all this time...
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  #23  
Old 12-01-2010, 09:11 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by Selene View Post
Oh shit really? I though I was in fairy fuck sunshine land all this time...
Well, it DOES come across as though you want to give up just because a parade got rained on, but I realize we only know what you tell us, not everything there is to know.

When a family member dies it is a BIG DEAL and these are the times that test relationships. If you are having a rough time, can you imagine what it must be like for Vegeta? I'm just saying a little empathy might be the way to go, and not thinking of it in terms of how it's inconveniencing YOU.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 12-02-2010 at 02:35 PM. Reason: speaking as self, not as moderator
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  #24  
Old 12-01-2010, 09:42 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
Well, it DOES come across as though you want to give up just because a parade got rained on, but I realize we only know what you tell us, not everything there is to know.
It did come across this way to me too. I'm guessing it's more of a frustration vent at not knowing what to do to make it better.

@Selene: You guys have a lot of people in the mix here and I wouldn't take the fact that one or more people need to pull back from the group for a week or even a month as a sign that they want to go back to being mono. Sometimes people just need some space, especially when there are Major events involving emotional upheavals. I'm going to guess the episode with Company has her re-thinking some things, it would me.

I would say, just continue to reach out to them and be supportive, yet give them space if they need it, without taking it personally.
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  #25  
Old 12-05-2010, 03:47 AM
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Selene Selene is offline
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Default Erm...fuck

@NeonKoas: No it's cool, I didn't mean to lose my shit. I'm not mad about it or anything.

@SNeacail: It was more a frustration vent more than anything else and yes it was about the fact I didn't know what to do.

In my posts, I'm not trying to come off as a petulant child, most of the time when I write all this stuff I'm very emotional. I understand how it may be hard for people to wade through all the bullshit and actually try and give me advice but it does make things easier for me.


Anyhow....a few days ago Ariel and Vegeta broke up with us. Yeah, sucks huh? I got a text message from Marius when I was at work telling me, she didn't want them to tell me in person as I am liable to flip out. After that, I got a long text from Ariel, saying how she still loved me but it was platonic and that she still considered me family. Also said some crap about how she needed me....whatever. I still haven't had a conversation with either of them about it as I've been trying to collect my thoughts on everything.


Honestly, what bothers me most of the fact that they never broke it off with Andulvar. I don't know if they figured that I would do it for them, or someone else would but it still hasn't happened and it's a real bitch and a half. They never really got close to him, didn't even try, hell Ariel tried with me a bit but Vegeta seemed to half ass it. Makes me feel like we weren't a big deal to them, but because of why? Because I didn't put out? To me, they seem more like the type to be swingers instead of poly.

I'm rather torn....I understand Ariel's desire to be with just her primary (that was their reason for breaking up) but that doesn't make it hurt less. It doesn't make me want to be less petty, or to not make them hurt. It doesn't make me less pissed off at how they are treating my fucking husband, or my other partners. They haven't been home and they avoid everyone; I can't tell if it's because Vegeta is grieving or if they are just that uncomfortable.

I'll update when I talk with them...as of right now I'm still trying to decide if I can be friends with them.
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  #26  
Old 12-08-2010, 05:44 AM
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Selene Selene is offline
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Default The Call

This is...extensive so I wanted to open up with some of my background. It might seem off topic now but it ties in later.

My first attempt at poly wasn't really an attempt on my part. I was 16 and dating my first love, Ryu. It was long distance, with me being on the west coast of the US and him more towards the east. Since I was young when I met him (14) after my parents found out about him, they were kinda skeptical. Eventually he was allowed to call my house for 2 hours at a time (3 on Saturdays) so we could talk on a more private level than online.

It wasn't a very stable relationship, we were both kinda fucked in the head and we fought a lot towards the end of it. We never got to see each other face to face but he cheated on me with our mutual friend....in Canada. Looking back on it, the emotional impact on that is very stunted but I was 16, very uncontrolled in my emotions and he was calling her his "girlfriend". After he broke up with me for her....he tried to go poly by involving me and her. Of course his was of explaining it was not so great, along the lines of my being his mistress and her being his mate. I didn't take well to this idea and our relationship ended. When I eventually came out of my depression, I decided that I was done with long distance relationships....I had to be able to see the person to actually have some thing.

I may be facing this decision rather quickly and it isn't a good feeling.

The talk with Ariel and Vegeta...I can't say it went well but it didn't go very badly either. For the most part, everyone was able to keep their shit together although the effort alone was tangible. The only one not there was Andulvar due to his work schedule and he really didn't want much to be there anyhow. The main talk was about the fact that Ariel and Vegeta seemed to be on the avoidance train to fuck-off land every time someone else was in the house. They claimed that they were trying to give everyone more "space". It turned out to be a half-truth as we quickly found out that not only was Ariel uncomfortable with Marius and Company living there so long, she was uncomfortable with the relationship as a whole.

Which means that all the "I love you's" and kissing and holding hands and promises were a cheap and dirty as a low class whore. Wonderful Ariel, way to cheapen my feelings and lie to me. Glad we never fucked.

Oh and Vegeta, who can't speak her own mind to save her life really didn't say if she was actually uncomfortable with everything and didn't say if she was uncomfortable with them even living there. So that was awesome too.

I dragged it out of Ariel that, in SPITE of OFFERING Marius and Company her HOME for AS LONG AS THEY NEEDED IT, surprise, she was uncomfortable the whole time.

Psst...that makes you a fucking liar, Ariel.

Marius and Company are staying with myself and Andulvar now....we have 5 cats which is a lot of hissing and a small space for the four of us. I don't mind it, kinda like it actually. However, Marius still hasn't found a job and she feels really bad about us picking up the tab. I don't mind it, really, she is contributing in her own way...however the drive to be self-sufficient is strong with her so...


If Marius can't find a job by January 10th, she and Company are moving to Ohio with Company's dad. That's a long way from here and not a lot of time. My worry is that they will get stuck out there and not have enough money to come back, it's furthered by the fact that Company doesn't want to live in California and a few other little things.

I'm trying to stay positive but it seems like with the economy the way it is...the likelihood of them leaving is very, very real. I'm still hoping that I can convince them to stay for longer, to give it more time but she's been trying for a job for over a year.

I can't stop them. I know that. It's good that she doesn't want to mooch off others. I almost wished she did, for what? To keep her here? It's selfish of me to think that but I can't help it.

I'm not sure if I could go long distance...for a while, sure. But for how long? How many visits that end in someone leaving can I take? And, what if they don't want to come back? So many questions that I don't have answers for, just like the many dead flowers in my stupid garden.


I do have good news though. My dad found Marius a good source for a possible job so I'm focusing on that. If anything, the time I have right now I am cherishing hardcore. I've also listened to the song, "The Call" by Regina Spektor about 15 times now. Its good, you should check it out.
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