This could be fun.... need question ideas

[whatamIdoing]

Originally Posted by FlameKat

Mindmelt
Soulmelt

thats what I feel... for both of them... physical touch is how I express love, when I can't express physically I go all.... gooey and supportive... given that both T and K are LDR's for me (They live in same town and I am on other side of bloody world - visit once a year) they get the mind melt a whole lot more than anything else and for me and T we have met in person twice... thats it... in K's company and that was last year. K pushed for us to start talking before that... he and T were best friends, and I was his girl... what a mess.

oh wow! your mess is well.. MESSY... and I am so so sorry for your pain

i'm amazed that this thread is finally about what i really need it to be about... LOL

I am scared that J feeds my brain... B can't do that... for various reasons... J can.. J makes me THINK... B make it easy.... J is a challenge.


I guess i need to add this: I've known J nearly 2 years... but he can't remember me because when I met him I was nearly 300 pounds... I've had gastric bypass (so has B) and I'm down over 120 pounds from my heaviest.... and while B loved me fat and loves me thin... J only has THIN as his frame of reference for me.... even pictures of me from that time don't jog his memory of me... even with that, I'm still NOT his type physically...

[FlameKat]

Originally Posted by whatamIdoing

I guess i need to add this: I've known J nearly 2 years... but he can't remember me because when I met him I was nearly 300 pounds... I've had gastric bypass (so has B) and I'm down over 120 pounds from my heaviest.... and while B loved me fat and loves me thin... J only has THIN as his frame of reference for me.... even pictures of me from that time don't jog his memory of me... even with that, I'm still NOT his type physically...

If you aren't his type physically, and he is still intent on pursuing you.. that would suggest to me that there is some quite serious emotion on his side... of course not knowing him that is just my personal opinion... but in my experience... when you are outside of the "ideal" and still being pursued then there are definite connections there...

well... at least you know B is going to stick with you through thick and thin...
(sorry - it was begging for a giggle moment)

Really you need to sort out YOU, then you and B, then you and J... hopefully B and J will come to terms on their own as you become settled and stable...

[whatamIdoing]

Originally Posted by FlameKat

If you aren't his type physically, and he is still intent on pursuing you.. that would suggest to me that there is some quite serious emotion on his side... of course not knowing him that is just my personal opinion... but in my experience... when you are outside of the "ideal" and still being pursued then there are definite connections there...

well... at least you know B is going to stick with you through thick and thin...
(sorry - it was begging for a giggle moment)

Really you need to sort out YOU, then you and B, then you and J... hopefully B and J will come to terms on their own as you become settled and stable...

YOU are cute!

ya know you hit it... the key... I really do get why B is scared. I'm not J's type at all... and he's made that clear (when he said he did not find me physically attractive B almost shot across the table to kill him).... I GET it cause I look at B and without him opening his mouth, he's my type physically but when I look at J I sort of cringe at the thought of it... cause he's so not my type physically but his personality and his brain draw me in....

I know where i am with me... I know where I am with B... it's just figuring out where I am with J, where J is with me (not that he knows either) and then having B and J work it out....

[FlameKat]

YOU are cute!

Aw shucks... lol someone had to think that eventually

ya know you hit it... the key... I really do get why B is scared. I'm not J's type at all... and he's made that clear (when he said he did not find me physically attractive B almost shot across the table to kill him)....

This raises red flags for me - not sure exactly why but there you go...

when I look at J I sort of cringe at the thought of it... cause he's so not my type physically but his personality and his brain draw me in....

Maybe the physical side of things should be taken off the table - if he is not your type, and you are not his type... develop the friendship... leave the possibility of physical relations open but off to the side until/if you are both comfortable??

lol yours is just as messy just in a different way

[whatamIdoing]

Quote:
YOU are cute!


Aw shucks... lol someone had to think that eventually

my pleasure

Quote:
ya know you hit it... the key... I really do get why B is scared. I'm not J's type at all... and he's made that clear (when he said he did not find me physically attractive B almost shot across the table to kill him)....


This raises red flags for me - not sure exactly why but there you go...

which part? B being insanely insulted that another man does not think I'm a shinning goddess like he does.... or J actually voicing his lack of physical attraction to me???



lol yours is just as messy just in a different way

different messes... same crazy feelings...

[FlameKat]

I think the part where J is quite happy to voice his lack of physical attraction for you, in front of the man who is your partner and hurting so badly about him wanting to have a relationship with you....

Sheer and UTTER disrespect in my opinion...

[whatamIdoing]

Originally Posted by FlameKat

I think the part where J is quite happy to voice his lack of physical attraction for you, in front of the man who is your partner and hurting so badly about him wanting to have a relationship with you....

Sheer and UTTER disrespect in my opinion...

and my take on it is more like HONESTY since I had said to him already that i had no clue why I wanted this since he was not physically attractive to me... I think we are past that point.... I think that was the first hashings of figuring out how and why and WHAT we wanted to do... A mad dance to define that this was not a mad physical passion....

I needed J to know that I need an emotional connection to my partners (even in swinging, DH knows that I never sleep with guys on the first meeting... we have one friend who waited a YEAR for me to be ready....