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Old 11-30-2010, 03:29 PM
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FlameKat FlameKat is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: :P Cautiously looking around this new world that seems to fit...
Posts: 311
Unhappy Bugger bugger bugger

Somewhere along the way I miscommunicated again (and have not yet fixed the misinterpretation)... Had a talk with K last night... he's under the impression that I am not going to send the letter to T...
I said that I may not need to... it's like I keep hoping that the more K proves how much he loves me, i think my feelings for T will resolve and go away... I have got to get it through my head that the truth in my heart is the damn truth and to stop fighting it...
It's not that I don't want this - I do, I want it so much I could burst with it... but it would be so much simpler if I didn't feel the way I do for T.

Essentially, K seems to be under the impression, that while I have been honest with him, that I will ignore it, how I feel. He doesn't understand that by acknowledging it all, by revealing it to him.. I have ended up with even more drive to get this to work... That the only way I will be able to put this away from me is if T will have nothing to do with it... and even then I will grieve for this wonderful thing lost - that I never had to begin with...

Am i confusing enough yet?

Short end of it is - that I need to have another talk, that we need to keep talking, I need to stop fart-arsing about and send the letter on to T... I also need to make clear that my relationship with T, is mine - he doesn't get to say whether we can be friends or not - yes they have let their friendship explode... but... I can't fix that, and I didn't damage it - contribute maybe, but, they are the ones who let it die - not me. Boundaries are another matter - sexual side of things is off the table by MY choice for now anyway - I have too much going on - not to mention I will be in another country again soon... As for how deep the friendship goes... regardless of whethr we are talking or not - it is one of the deepest friendships I have known... and to take that away from me... to pander to his insecurities is just damn rude...

Yes, I agreed that if he were to get involved with another woman - I would feel threatened... I'm sorry but he doesn't get the concept of poly so how exactly does he think I would feel secure? Am I supposed to answer honestly to a direct question or am I supposed to put a whole pile of conjecture in there... growlies. I also didn't get the opportunity to point out that that would be my baggage and that I would work through it...

aaaaargh... help please... I don't know where to direct the discussion we have next and how to start it off...
Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to

Engaged to my sweetheart, WaterWolf

my blog (non-poly) Pearls & Pixiedust

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