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Old 11-30-2010, 03:29 PM
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FlameKat FlameKat is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: :P Cautiously looking around this new world that seems to fit...
Posts: 311
Unhappy Bugger bugger bugger

Somewhere along the way I miscommunicated again (and have not yet fixed the misinterpretation)... Had a talk with K last night... he's under the impression that I am not going to send the letter to T...
I said that I may not need to... it's like I keep hoping that the more K proves how much he loves me, i think my feelings for T will resolve and go away... I have got to get it through my head that the truth in my heart is the damn truth and to stop fighting it...
It's not that I don't want this - I do, I want it so much I could burst with it... but it would be so much simpler if I didn't feel the way I do for T.

Essentially, K seems to be under the impression, that while I have been honest with him, that I will ignore it, how I feel. He doesn't understand that by acknowledging it all, by revealing it to him.. I have ended up with even more drive to get this to work... That the only way I will be able to put this away from me is if T will have nothing to do with it... and even then I will grieve for this wonderful thing lost - that I never had to begin with...

Am i confusing enough yet?

Short end of it is - that I need to have another talk, that we need to keep talking, I need to stop fart-arsing about and send the letter on to T... I also need to make clear that my relationship with T, is mine - he doesn't get to say whether we can be friends or not - yes they have let their friendship explode... but... I can't fix that, and I didn't damage it - contribute maybe, but, they are the ones who let it die - not me. Boundaries are another matter - sexual side of things is off the table by MY choice for now anyway - I have too much going on - not to mention I will be in another country again soon... As for how deep the friendship goes... regardless of whethr we are talking or not - it is one of the deepest friendships I have known... and to take that away from me... to pander to his insecurities is just damn rude...

Yes, I agreed that if he were to get involved with another woman - I would feel threatened... I'm sorry but he doesn't get the concept of poly so how exactly does he think I would feel secure? Am I supposed to answer honestly to a direct question or am I supposed to put a whole pile of conjecture in there... growlies. I also didn't get the opportunity to point out that that would be my baggage and that I would work through it...

aaaaargh... help please... I don't know where to direct the discussion we have next and how to start it off...
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