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Old 08-25-2009, 01:44 PM
AJbear77 AJbear77 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: FL
Posts: 23
Default Mono vs. Poly

As I am still working through my thought processes on polyamory, something has occurred to me. This was an idea I
approached my partner of 9 years with not too long ago, before realizing it is not something I am yet comfortable with at this time...
if ever (for myself and our relationship). I can read through the posts here and some seem to almost slam the idea of monogamy and monogamists, which to me is as bad as me
,a lesbian, slamming heterosexuals (which I don't) because it is different strokes for different folks. If you aren't gay, you aren't gay. There is nothing inferior or superior about that. Alas, some of the sarcastic comments about monogamy has been having me debate in my head as to why I believe
monogamy is best for me and my relationship...as if I am somehow how inferior by not having enough 'love' for my partner
to let her form other intimate/sexual relationships. This brings up the idea that I am trying to control her, have the need for a false sense
of security, and have an inferior love for her if I am not open to letting her love others. This is the impression I have been getting. I guess these can seem like a lot of conditions
but polyamorists have rules and conditions, too, they are just different. I think it should be fair to acknowledge those.
I think a true polyamorist would have no rules and conditions, just take love as it comes and give it as freely. Just saying! We ALL have our conditions and comfort levels, just to varying degrees and poly is not superior to monogamy and vice versa.
For me, even though I do realistically have fantasies or desires for other people sometimes, and can get extremely close to others, I can choose to keep the wall up that it will only go so far. I have made my choice...my partner and I get very turned on by the fact they we only want to share our bodies with each other. For me, it makes the sex so much more deeper and intimate...now in this moment, I am only hers...and the next moment, and the next...There is something very gratifying about that for me. I really enjoy reading the posts here, though. It still sounds like a great idea, in the right circumstances for the right people involved, but it is not superior in its totality, maybe just superior for the people involved.
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