Men vs. Women and "poly"

[Danny40179]

It's sad but true, but most men are pigs. A frequent topic of convo in our home. I think that the internet has made it even worse. Broadens the "hunting ground" for those predators.

The only way to sort through who's real and who's not is by really getting to know them and trusting your gut. I think a lot of women have stopped listening to that intuition thing that they're typically so good at!!

[Tonberry]

It's weird, but it seems to me men are more likely to be the one saying "men are pigs". Self-loathing much?

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by Jodi

but, he also says all men are pigs. i find this sad...bcz, i grew up hearing this from my mother. and my therapist, well when i told her that i discovered that men can have emotions and can write & express themselves...she was like, yes, there are those kind of men out there too.

He is projecting, he is a pig. Not all men are pigs. Sorry for the harshness but blanket statements like this are true displays of ignorance.

it's confusing, how do you weed thru?....this is comign from me, a single female w/ a poly mentality.

Discussion. Talking...and REALLY learning to read between the lines. There are lots of ways to figure it out. Also understanding how different people communicate helps. The pig above, may just have an opposing communication style to yours (for example) making his actions appear pigish, even though he may be introspective.

[TL4everu2]

I have found FEW men who are not pigs. One or two actually. Myself, and another guy. Thats not to say that there aren't any others out there....but...we are harder to find than a unicorn! :P LOL As Ariakis said, discussion is how to weed through them. If you find them on OKC, for example, and the first thing they want is more pics or naked pics, or they want to take the discussion sexual immediatly....Usually a sign of a pig. If you meet up with them, and then suddenly, they want to know if you want to go to a hotel room....pig! If you meet up with them, and tell them that you have to go....go home and suddenly, you have 15 texts about sex and how hot you are...yep...you guessed it...PIG!

Maybe I'm slow...Maybe I'm old fashioned. I've been out on 4 dates with my current interest. We've both show some attraction to each other, but I haven't really taken any conversations sexual yet. Why? Because I want to know HER....not just the sexual side of her. I want to know all about her. What she does for fun, who else she's dating if anyone, what she does for work, what kind of music does she like, is she a prissy girl...or a tomboy, how does she spend her free time....Those sort of things. If she wants to move faster than me, I'm sorry...I have to hold off and possibly even date someone else. If, however, she is willing to be patient and wait and also shows an interest in those same types of things from me....THEN I'm SUPER turned on and I have SO much more respect for her.

I've moved super fast before.... Like, slept with the girl on the first date....And some of the relationships lasted up to 3 years. But that was when it all fizzled out...I want this next one to last for a LOT longer than that. In order for that to happen, she has to get along with my wife.....


ALL men have pig qualities. MY version of a "pig" may not be the same as yours.....My own wife just pointed out some of MY pig ish qualities. DOH! LOL

[Somegeezer]

Not all men are pigs, but certainly most. I think it's the way men are looked at by society and brought up how they "should" act. Most fathers, if their son got himself a girl, would give a high five or a hug or something. If his daughter got a guy, he'd probably get his cricket bat out and go on a hunt for this guy. =P

But as that is, there are many people who can control themselves fine and don't cave in to social expectations. Myself included.

[gwendolenthefair]

I have found that it is very easy to "catch" most men who are pretending to be poly in order to find sex with a poly woman. A simple "What is a book about polyamory that you have read, or hope to read?" or "What's the name of our national organization?" will usually leave them flailing.

Single men as pigs, hmmm. I don't think it has anything to do with marital status. I look at online dating, whether on a poly site, a sex site, or a conventional dating site, as panning for gold in a sea of pigs. My boyfriend is certainly not a pig. My ex-boyfriend, who is single, while I could call him a lot of awful things, I would stop short of pig. I have some male friends whom I met online who are not pigs. I have interacted with people whose situation (married, not poly, cheating on their wife, or trying to) would lead me to believe that they must be pigs, and they were not at all (although I could not date them, because they were cheating). I have interacted with card-carrying poly guys who were most certainly pigs. I've met perfect gentlemen in the casual encounters section of Craigslist, and unbelievable pigs sporting very respectable-sounding profiles on OKcupid.

Oh, and the one-penis policy? Any woman who puts up with it in her relationships should ask herself, "Why does my man think it's less serious, less threatening, doesn't "count," as much when I am with a woman as when I am with a man? Could he be sending me a message that women themselves just don't matter as much as men?"

The only reason, as I see it, to EVER adopt a one-penis policy is if the couple is trying to get pregnant and doesn't want any potential questions about paternity. Otherwise, it's a bunch of controlling, sexist BS.

[Jade]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

I don't believe in unconditional love. I believe in unconditional concern for people, but not romantic love. That tie can be severed.

Oooh, there is wisdom in that!

[Jade]

You know, TL4, I think it's about as fair to say that most men are pigs as it is to say that most women are pushovers. People pursue their desires. If their desires involve us, then it is up to us to check their bad behavior in that pursuit.

I can't remember if I read it recently here or on poly percs, but someone wisely wrote, "we teach others how to treat us."

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by gwendolenthefair

"What's the name of our national organization?"

Hey, what is the name of that organization?

[Athena]

I could see a universe in which, if casual sex never had serious consequences, at a certain stage of my life, I would have been much more open to experimentation (that is, no worries about disease, unwanted pregnancy, picking up gross stalker people, ruining chances at serious relationships or work opportunities etc.)
However, there is no action without a consequence, and I am very picky about who is in my life, so I have never really been about casual sex. But could I see it being perfectly fun in a world with vastly different attitudes, likely yes. I couldn't definitively say without being there.