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Old 11-27-2010, 01:33 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
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Default Solo poly people - what's your ideal?

Okay, so since coming here, I have read lots of personal stories about tribes, triads, and vees (oh my!)... and quads and other various configurations for polyamorous relationships. I am learning so much and appreciating all the new perspectives and depth of revelation people have given me here. It seems that there are quite a number of of people focused on these types of relationships, ie., building families with kids, having primaries, secondaries, and so on all living together, which is great -- but so NOT what I'm into (and that may have to do with my urban lifestyle as much as anything else). So -- I am wondering about the solo poly person.

Being that I am coming out of a 10-year+ mono marriage and considering poly for myself now as a newly-minted-single-again-person, I know I'm not interested in getting married again for quite some time (if ever), and I am 50 now and have never been interested in having kids. I am beginning to love having my apartment to myself again, now that hubby has moved out, and am looking forward to enjoying my independence and getting to know myself better with some quality alone time.

I love reading about all the ways poly works for so many different people, and I keep wondering what would work for me. Not sure if I want a primary (besides myself), however that is defined. When I think about the possibility of living polyamorously, I have some images/conceptualizations that come to mind, and then it gets a little murky. Of course, what's possible in reality usually far surpasses our dreams of what we want, but it can be useful to have a picture to move toward.

So I thought I'd throw out the question for anyone out there who is unattached or considers themselves a solo poly person. What is your ideal situation? Are you already there or hoping to get there? I look forward to reading your responses while I formulate my own. Thanks!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 11-27-2010 at 01:37 AM.
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dating dynamics, ideals, independence, solo, solo poly

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