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Old 11-24-2010, 03:39 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
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Originally Posted by Penny View Post
......... so much as I am perhaps a bit too quick to rise to the defense of the shy and socially backwards. .....................

Still, the OP might want to consider if someone who is not as gregarious as they are is a good fit.
Naturally I think everyone draws from their own life & background when responding to the world around us.

To elaborate a bit - and try to keep on topic with the OP, here's a bit of where I'm coming from.
If you are a loving, caring person, you can't help but be drawn to others struggles. It's part of this "heal the world" syndrome too many of us have <chuckle>

But that kind of thing is often a bad prescription for relationships. If you are going to have a strong, loving relationship with someone, you can't be their counselor, therapist,........ crutch. And it's a VERY fine, delicate line. You need to stand by them, help where you can, but always push for their own self sufficiency. Not everyone has the stamina or skill set to manage this. So you have to look at the situation, AND yourselves, and say "what am I seeing - and where do I/we fit here ?".

The world many of us are brought up in does not seem to focus much energy on raising strong, capable, self reliant individuals. And lacking this, and a lot of damage inflicted along the way, you can end up being a very fearful person with a lot of insecurities. In relationships, this just makes every little hiccup amplified.
Even here on this little forum, you can find endless examples of this, where people are struggling immensely, not even so much with the circumstances facing them, as much as with themselves.

I've been there..............

The way I try to approach such situations now is this...........

I liken it to teaching a child to ride a bike. Ok - we'll start with the training wheels.....for a while. And I'll walk beside you and catch you if you start to fall or get off course. But know right from the beginning, up front, that those training wheels ARE going to come off. So if you choose to rely on them for long, a crash is in your future. The outcome is completely in YOUR hands !

Harsh ? Maybe ......
But I can't always be around to hold you up, nor can I have the respect for you that I think you deserve. Nor you have the respect and confidence for/in yourself that you need to navigate the world.

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