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Old 11-23-2010, 04:22 AM
dragonflysky dragonflysky is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 211
Default Telling a non-poly "date" about myself

Well I did it. I went through my first experience of trying to figure out how and when to tell a guy I had just started dating that I am in a poly relationship. The timing was hard because if we didn't really connect, I saw no need to bring it up. But, I didn't want to be perceived as lying or deceitful. I told him about it after our 3rd date when it seemed like we were getting along well and it looked like things could develop further between us.

Guess I was lucky in that he didn't get mean or nasty towards me, but was very disappointed as he saw me as quite an "exceptional" woman and didn't see poly as anything he'd ever be interested in. It was hard for me as I was really enjoying this guy's company, but I remained calm and answered his questions and empathized with his thoughts and feelings. When he mentioned wanting to find just one special person to spend the remainder of his life with...sharing himself and what he has in life....I have to admit there were some twinges from deep inside me...a pulling....for that type of perceived "security". (Especially when I don't have much financial security at 55 years old.)

It doesn't help that I haven't really decided if poly is the way I want to go. I'm currently with a poly partner whom I love, but things are challenging in that relationship right now, too. Never enough time to be with each other between work and his other partner and her young son. Nor do I feel they give me anything near "equal" or "fair" involvement in decision making, plans, etc. (And yes, I've discussed with him numerous times before that I have no desire to be a secondary....yet that seems to be what I am currently.)

Anyhow, I'm at least proud of myself for putting myself through this experience of having to tell someone that I'm poly...because it's a reality of poly relationships in our society. I must admit, however, there are times I wonder what the heck I'm doing trying this "poly stuff"! I'm probably closer to being a mono in a poly....but that's not working real well with all the time constraints in terms of getting my needs and wants for time, attention and intimacy met.

Last edited by dragonflysky; 11-23-2010 at 04:26 AM.
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