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Old 11-23-2010, 12:47 AM
oikord oikord is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 6
Default This site has helped, but I need a lot more


This is my first post. I would like to preface this with saying I respect all of us and believe we really are equal - If at some future time I posted about my situation and it was about you, I'm not wishing you any ill will and looking for my own growth, and support.

This is a very new concept for me. I'm Male-Mono-hetero, 32 w/3 children together for 16 years and married for 12 and the love of my wife is now P as of 3 weeks ago. I am still sane in part due to the discussions on this forum - thank you all!

I am hurting, I am sad, depressed, freaked out, short of breath, panicky, angry, but mostly I am afraid of losing her sometimes when we aren't at home together and especially when they're together. When we're together (as of three weeks ago) I am on cloud 9, all my problems disappear and she is loving/supportive and quickly addresses my fears. Luckily we have one Friend couple who know as they have had the same exact thing happen more than once in their 20+ yrs marriage (M is M, F is P), and I've been texting them for support - but for the sake of my wife, we won't let anyone else in our lives know, EVER due to them not being like us. I've followed their advice and taken any restrictions off from my wife between her and her other (Male married poly for long time), except for Pregnancy and us getting STDs. Last weekend she saw him about 50% of time and me 50% of time and I had the kids the whole time.

I also have started a new Journey in my life (as of last week), and am working at following the advice to work on ME, make myself happy with ME, make myself love ME, make myself feel sexy to ME. I have begun reading/listening to my wife's reading list of personal growth books which I couldn't ever find time to start over the last 10 years (when her journey began).

What I'd like from this community right now is to forward posts that I could read and learn from and to explore my feelings and to cope. Maybe even find a friend for support who is/has experiened the same thing.
The search function is not working
and I'm hoping you experienced folks may be able to send me many posts on these topics quickly as I really need some help now. I may or may not be experiencing these things today, or they may be my key fears - but I don't want to discuss my specific situation in a public forum. Here are the subjects I'm really wanting to explore:

- Safe sex vs. unprotected in Polyamory
- After testing for STDs is it ever acceptable for unprotected
- Pregnancy issues outside of Marriage in the Polyamory consicousness
- NRE/falling in love with another - how should M treat P if M wants to stay together
- Guidlines for space, not being needy/clingy \
- What to do during panic attack when your responsible for three children
- Can lines be drawn by M and not crossed, what to do if P crosses the lines
- Therapist/therapy for a new M can it help
- Do modern therapists know about Polyamory or can be effective in dealing if this is the lifestyle we are going to have (i.e. we're not looking to change back to both Mono)
- Meeting P's other
- If M does not want to meet P's other, and believes deep down there can never be a meeting, can this work has this been experienced and things turned out OK
- P leaving M for another P (sound like a familiar fear :0)? )
- Warning signs
- Does M need to become P too?
- Can male-mono female-poly both hetero work?
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