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  #31  
Old 11-18-2010, 05:12 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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There was a letter to Dan Savage recently about a man who couldn't get it hard for his mistress.
Now, this is poly, not cheating, and we all know that here, but maybe the problems that guy was having ("I'm doing something wrong" > anxiety, stress > no hard-on) are the same you are having.
Even though you know your wife is fine with it, maybe you've been conditioned to think it's wrong and have a hard time (well, not so hard) getting past that.

Just something to consider.
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  #32  
Old 11-18-2010, 09:02 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Originally Posted by SvartSvensk View Post
This could be, but HOW? Everything seems right to me, except for my ding dong not working...
Perhaps you're just thinking about it too much now and you're becoming a self fulfilling prophecy.
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  #33  
Old 11-18-2010, 09:34 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Perhaps you're just thinking about it too much now and you're becoming a self fulfilling prophecy.
Penises have a way of doing that!

I have a friend who can't get hard the first few times with any woman he feels a connection to.

If you don't already have an open dialogue about the issue you're experiencing with this woman, I'd suggest you start talking about it. Something simple. ("Hey, how about my dick last night? Wasn't working; I think you're too intimidating!") A little reassurance from her could do wonders for your brain. You won't be wondering what she's thinking, etc.

Also, how are you putting your condom on? Do you try to get it on as soon as possible when you know it's "go" time? That could be scaring your man parts. Try putting the condom on and not jumping straight to sex. Touch yourself or have her touch you with it on. Don't be afraid to go through a few condoms before you actually have sex.

But yeah. As others have said, stop thinking about it. Your cock will thank you!
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  #34  
Old 11-23-2010, 12:39 AM
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TheBlackSwede TheBlackSwede is offline
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You do realize, of course... that you're asking a man..... to NOT THINK ABOUT HIS COCK!?

Seriously, you think that's gonna happen? Well, I'll do my best - gonna just enjoy the way things go, and hopefully it'll just sort itself out.

Sex with the wife has continued to be phenomenal - if anything, better since I started seeing a new lady. That little twinge of jealousy drives her wild in a good way, I guess.

As for how I'm trying the condom, I've tried a couple things. At first I took a blitzkrieg approach, then backed off gradually to a slower strategy... I've managed to enter using the first technique, but then went soft shortly thereafter. Perhaps blitzkrieg was the best plan of action - get it on and get it in before it realizes what's happening and nature takes over.
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  #35  
Old 11-23-2010, 12:47 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SvartSvensk View Post
You do realize, of course... that you're asking a man..... to NOT THINK ABOUT HIS COCK!?

Seriously, you think that's gonna happen? Well, I'll do my best - gonna just enjoy the way things go, and hopefully it'll just sort itself out.
ummmm.......I am a man. Sometimes you just gotta let your cock do the job. Overthinking causes the problems ...

When I first got into nonmonogamy, I came by it with threesomes. I was panicking and worried. What ended up helping me was letting things flow naturally. I stopped thinking about the positions, the orgasms and the step by steps of fucking and went back to the way sex is with just my wife. Once I got rid of the logic and went a little animal, the nervous anxiety went away and I was ready to go. For me sex can't be broken down into cute little pieces of sexual positioning, I am a grab and go kind of guy, the more my brain is engaged, the worse the experience is for me.

Once any part of sex becomes work, the cock stops wanting to play.


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Sex with the wife has continued to be phenomenal - if anything, better since I started seeing a new lady. That little twinge of jealousy drives her wild in a good way, I guess.
Gotta love healthy competition
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  #36  
Old 11-23-2010, 02:22 AM
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TheBlackSwede TheBlackSwede is offline
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
For me sex can't be broken down into cute little pieces of sexual positioning, I am a grab and go kind of guy, the more my brain is engaged, the worse the experience is for me.
Yeah, I'm the same way, to a point - if I don't engage the logic portions of my brain at all, I'm sometimes a short-duration beast...
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