Originally Posted by Pantheist
She argues that she would feel better in a poly relationship if she were Primary and the other relationships were Secondary. It's not how I prefer to do things, but I don't think it sounds impossible. I agreed. We decided to get married.
This is where you must begin you communications. You agreed that if she becomes your primary then you can have a secondary. The problem is you have allowed her to dictate the agenda. I agree it seems like she got what she wanted and ignored what you wanted.
Also, if she has allowed her to sleep over and has eaten dinner with you all. Then maybe its you that is not taking the imitative. My wife and I are poly and she hasn't made it to the point where any friend of mine can sleep over. So if this girl is in your life and it seems she is a part of your family. Then you need to take the step and hug your secondary and be affectionate to her when she is over. I do suggest you take small steps with this, sort of test the waters. I hope this helps good luck