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Old 11-21-2010, 10:51 AM
FitChick FitChick is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 100
Default A difficult situation

My boyfriend of 11 months is in a complicated family setup,he has 3 children with his ex wife and a 5 month old baby with his ex girlfriend. He has very little spare time for himself which in part is due to his refusal to go down the proper custodial route with his exes,he basically lets them decide everything because he cannot afford proper maintenance.

We have decided I won't move up there because a) I haven't spent much time with the children b) I don't get along with the mother of the baby at all c) simply because he won't have time for a full time live in relationship and d) financial reasons.

What I don't get is his absolute fear that he needs to commit to me,I have never asked for that,and given his complicated set up I wouldn't wish that on anybody,he just seemed to assume this. He did make some promises he couldn't keep in the NRE phase and I'm sure he feels guilty about that. He seems to want to keep the status quo but at the same time is somehow fearful of it. We used to make plans in advance but now he won't,its like he is stuck to one spot.

Me and his secondary have discussed his situation tonight and are both very concerned for his mental state,he needs counselling but of course we can only suggest it and given his reluctance to ask for help I can't see it happening..

All this is taking its toll on me,I am a very caring,emotional person but this has forced me to take a step back,because it is exhausting my nervous system. Some days it is a rollercoaster.

How do I get 'me' back again??
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