Positive things as a mono I have gotten from poly
Thanks again sage for starting this thread. I am fast finding this my favourite place to unload on, mainly it is just a process of reviewing things for myself, but I hope it will perhaps be of use to other "new" monos. (Of course I have always been mono so not new- but have never thought there was an alternative way of being).
Just having a sort of internal review of where I am with myself at the moment.
Here are the positive things I have gotten from being in this V:
1) Self knowledge. I know myself better and am happy as a mono.
2) Through many conversations (some painful, some not) my wife has been able to put into words exactly WHY she loves me, what essential thing binds her to me; and I am able to see how over the years I deviated from that, giving me a road map to how I can get back there.
Also she knows why I love her.
3) The relationship is a living thing that breathes and expands and contracts. I can see that now. Nothing is supposed to stay the same. We don't take each other for granted now. Love is like a playful animal that skips over the rocks and hard points of my soul. You can't catch that animal and keep it chained up. You just have to play with it and feed it when it comes.
4) the knowledge that quality is better than quantity. Our time together is precious.
5) Better communications. When one of us talks now the other one REALLY listens. And with our inner self not just our ears. But ears are a good start.
6) I know that she is happy because she is free to be herself and love someone else; and that doesn't hurt me.
7) Romance. How did we do without that the last few years?
8) My wife feels MORE secure in our marriage. I know her needs.
9) Compersion. This obviously is new to me and strange. But it feels good.
10) We put each other first. (I know that may sound funny because she shares her time between two of us. But I feel it is true)
11) We are not dependant. I am happiest when she is there but can also be happy when she is not there.
"The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times but to get up eight times"
Last edited by vodkafan; 11-20-2010 at 11:00 PM.
|mono, mono/poly, monogamy|