Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 11-19-2010, 12:05 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Don't most men in threesomes with women think they are their for their pleasure. To be pleasured by them?
Yeah, not "most", but when it does happen, it's a real turn-off. I mean, anytime, not just when it comes to threesomes.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 11-19-2010, 06:48 PM
Danny40179's Avatar
Danny40179 Danny40179 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Central NJ
Posts: 241
Default

So how old is this guy? Because all I'm seeing is someone that's involved in a 3some, not a poly relationship. He's living every man's dream and that's all he can think about. I used to be more selfish when I was younger until I realized that it's AS MUCH FUN TO PLEASE MY PARTNERS AS IT IS TO HAVE THEM PLEASE ME!!! What a concept!!!

Ok, didn't mean to be that sarcastic, but he's obviously being VERY selfish in the bedroom and he needs to be told. It's not going to be a pleasant conversation but if you both feel the same way, then maybe having you both sit him down and have a frank talk will hit home. Or he could feel that you're both attacking him. If that's the case then maybe you should drop him and you and your gf should find someone who'll be a bit more fair.

Just my 2 cents.
__________________

Live life to the fullest 'cause you never know if you're gonna wake up tomorrow!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-19-2010, 06:50 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

Preach it, Danny!
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 11-19-2010, 07:15 PM
NorCalK NorCalK is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Fran Bay Area
Posts: 11
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Danny40179 View Post
So how old is this guy? Because all I'm seeing is someone that's involved in a 3some, not a poly relationship. He's living every man's dream and that's all he can think about. I used to be more selfish when I was younger until I realized that it's AS MUCH FUN TO PLEASE MY PARTNERS AS IT IS TO HAVE THEM PLEASE ME!!! What a concept!!!

Ok, didn't mean to be that sarcastic, but he's obviously being VERY selfish in the bedroom and he needs to be told. It's not going to be a pleasant conversation but if you both feel the same way, then maybe having you both sit him down and have a frank talk will hit home. Or he could feel that you're both attacking him. If that's the case then maybe you should drop him and you and your gf should find someone who'll be a bit more fair.

Just my 2 cents.
He's 27. Him and our gf have been together for 6 years. And he did say he felt like he was being attacked when both her and I were agreeing on some things when we were having a discussion about his more self-centered tendencies. But I think that as time goes on, he may get used to the fact that sometimes when his partner disagrees with him, the other one will, too, and it's not just going to be a 50/50 disagreement anymore. I think it was hard for both my bf and my gf to see me agreeing with her on stuff that they have disagreed on for years. And Danny, I'm sure he DOES care about me as his gf but he just seems to insist on more attention all the time. Ever since we have been seeing each other for a month he has voiced that it seems that I prefer my gf over him several times. Which is bullshit, until it comes down to times like this. I believe that he's self-centered and paranoid like this because he is an only child. I don't think he'll take kindly to me suggesting that, though...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Danny40179 View Post
If that's the case then maybe you should drop him and you and your gf should find someone who'll be a bit more fair.
The shitty thing is, this argument has had me flirting with that idea the last couple of days. She just seemed so burnt-out on her relationship with him by the end of the talk we were having that I sometimes wonder if she would be better off without him. Which sucks, she is dearly in love with him and I love him too. If he could just open his eyes a little bit and be less stubborn this relationship would be amazing. However, I haven't been able to help but look up places to live on Craigslist and wonder if 30 hours a week at work would work out with my classes. And I especially hate that I am even considering letting this relationship interfere with my schoolwork, I am bent on transferring in a year and a half to UCSD to finish my Bachelor's and then hopefully go to law school. I'm trying to live with my parents while I do my lower-division work so I can save money. I've just really fallen for these two people and if she needed my help, I'd do anything.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 11-19-2010, 07:36 PM
Danny40179's Avatar
Danny40179 Danny40179 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Central NJ
Posts: 241
Default

You're def in a rough spot. I didn't mean to imply that he didn't care about or having feelings for you, but he's still number 1 in his world. I've NEVER even thought about asking to have my penis touched while in a 3some. I thought I was blessed simply by being IN a 3some. Ya know?

Relationships don't have expiration dates on them, but they can expire. Something to think about.

Unless he changes, I can't see where you're going to be happy with the sexual side of this relationship. His gf has put up with it for 6 years and in doing that she's spoiled him into thinking that's how all women are going to act. Some may be content, but my guess is that you'll get fed up sooner rather than later. That's not to imply that you're a quitter or going to give up easily. I'm just saying that if this is a problem now, it's only going to continue to grow, again, unless he does something about it.
__________________

Live life to the fullest 'cause you never know if you're gonna wake up tomorrow!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 11-19-2010, 08:07 PM
NorCalK NorCalK is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Fran Bay Area
Posts: 11
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Danny40179 View Post
You're def in a rough spot. I didn't mean to imply that he didn't care about or having feelings for you, but he's still number 1 in his world. I've NEVER even thought about asking to have my penis touched while in a 3some. I thought I was blessed simply by being IN a 3some. Ya know?

Relationships don't have expiration dates on them, but they can expire. Something to think about.

Unless he changes, I can't see where you're going to be happy with the sexual side of this relationship. His gf has put up with it for 6 years and in doing that she's spoiled him into thinking that's how all women are going to act. Some may be content, but my guess is that you'll get fed up sooner rather than later. That's not to imply that you're a quitter or going to give up easily. I'm just saying that if this is a problem now, it's only going to continue to grow, again, unless he does something about it.
Don't worry, I didn't think you were implying he didn't care about me . I had mentioned to him that I was under the assumption that most guys would not mind seeing two girls kissing and then invite him over for sex. He then claimed that most guy would only think that in the context of a spontaneous three-way, not in a relationship. My gf butted in saying that I was not wrong in my assumption, and she's pretty sure she knows guys sexually better than him, considering she's been in relationships with men and, as I pointed out, I highly doubt that he has frank discussions about sex and relationships with any of his guy friends. I'm definitely not ready to give up on this relationship, but working out our problems will take a long time. Not only have these problems developed over 4 months, but also the 6 years they were together before me. And there's definitely a limit on the stubbornness and bullshit I'll put up with, from both of them, for that matter. I just don't know where to start, almost, to solve our problems. I think we'd all benefit from reading some relevant books and/or relationship therapy.

And to Danny, PT, and others who have posted- thank you so much!! If it's okay, Danny and PT, I might PM you on some later occasion for some more wisdom.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 11-19-2010, 08:15 PM
Danny40179's Avatar
Danny40179 Danny40179 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Central NJ
Posts: 241
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NorCalK View Post
And to Danny, PT, and others who have posted- thank you so much!! If it's okay, Danny and PT, I might PM you on some later occasion for some more wisdom.
Please do!!

I agree that some sort of counseling would benefit all of you. However if he's not big on talking to you or his gf of 6 years, do you think he'll open up to a therapist? Maybe he's gotten comfortable in the fact that his gf won't ever leave him. (Not saying that's the case, but in his brain he may be thinking that)

Unfortunately we men can be very selfish and VERY stubborn. From what I've seen so far he seems to fit the bill on both. I like to think that ALL people are capable of change, but that's not always the case. I hope he realizes how GREAT he has it, and does what he needs to do to keep it going. I couldn't imagine my life without my girls in the picture. *shudder*
__________________

Live life to the fullest 'cause you never know if you're gonna wake up tomorrow!
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 11-20-2010, 12:19 AM
polytriad polytriad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 105
Thumbs up

Quote:
Originally Posted by NorCalK View Post
And to Danny, PT, and others who have posted- thank you so much!! If it's okay, Danny and PT, I might PM you on some later occasion for some more wisdom.
Looking forward to it. Keep us posted
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 11-20-2010, 12:29 AM
girlcaleb's Avatar
girlcaleb girlcaleb is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: The South
Posts: 66
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by polytriad View Post
peach and snickers
cute.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 11-20-2010, 12:33 AM
polytriad polytriad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 105
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by girlcaleb View Post
cute.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:44 PM.