Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #1  
Old 11-18-2010, 06:53 AM
Company's Avatar
Company Company is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 11
Default Anatomy

I have some difficulty expressing my thoughts and feelings clearly sometimes. they come out; I share. But they all tend to come out in complicated webs or uneven globs. It's counterintuitive to explaining things to other people. I'm hoping to work on that here. If nothing else, I will accomplish sharing my insanity with random strangers on the internet.

Right now I'm in a tangled mess of myself. I'm struggling just to exist, emphasis on struggling. Fighting, thrashing, writhing, in frequent futility. When I try to step back and examine the knot from a distance, it seems largely self indulgent. I loathe it. Hate it. I want to rip the effort right out of myself and build a strip mall or a movie theater where the conflict used to be. However that might be counterproductive. I'm not entirely sure of what's really going on, or if I'm ready to stare it in the face.

Most times I have to justify feeling anything to myself. If the reasoning isn't there, the thought disappears. More concrete reasoning leads to deeply entrenched viewpoints. I suppose that's the double edged sword of logic. Infallibly and inflexibly correct in all things, sometimes. So much gets edited out and the insubstantial finds its body in the meaninglessness of overpondering. These are habits Company is trying to redirect into more constructive avenues of self analysis and expression.

I just want to be close to people right now. I want to feel like I'm a part of something, something special. I'm tired of coming up with all the reasons it's not worth it, or why I'm not worth it. I'd rather feel something unbridled and powerful, even if it bears the risk of attachment, of rejection even.

So how do I let go of this and execute that? (I say to myself and the internet)
Attached Images
File Type: jpg 32062_445740794675_745219675_5864252_1889583_n.jpg (34.1 KB, 18 views)
Reply With Quote
 

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:35 AM.