Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 08-21-2009, 11:08 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,639
Default

There was others on another post on here..... anyone else have some suggestions...?

Really though, one at a time as it can be a lot of work and can be confusing. I got very confused with which people I was talking to at different times...! It got embarrassing when I had to ask who someone was.... it doesn't help that no one uses their names for privacy reasons.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 08-22-2009, 07:51 AM
CaityandBen CaityandBen is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 12
Default

So I'm doing Polymatchmaker.com and AFF.com for now...until later. I don't have faith in online dating BUT i do feel as though I get some kind of communication, some flirting and what not.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 08-24-2009, 05:14 AM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,939
Default

AFF is very much oriented to swingers and open relationship types, along with a few other things...the environment there is very sex based. There's also a lot of limitations on the site designed to make and keep people paying...so yeah...no one reads profiles since generally they can't see them. The poly's are probably there, but I think many loose interest after a while of dealing with the same issues you mention.

There's other free sites like PlentyofFish and OKCupid. POF is fairly mainstream, but there's probably a slightly higher Poly ratio there. The FSF section also has a fair number of couples seeking unicorns, so you may find some similar situations as AFF...but at least you don't need to pay for it.
Generally OKC seems better recommended, as the matching algorithms while fallible still tend to trickle like minded poly folk to the top of your matches.

Agreed to whomever suggested that dating resources should be made into a sticky thread.
__________________
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 08-24-2009, 06:35 AM
CaityandBen CaityandBen is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 12
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
AFF is very much oriented to swingers and open relationship types, along with a few other things...the environment there is very sex based. There's also a lot of limitations on the site designed to make and keep people paying...so yeah...no one reads profiles since generally they can't see them. The poly's are probably there, but I think many loose interest after a while of dealing with the same issues you mention.

There's other free sites like PlentyofFish and OKCupid. POF is fairly mainstream, but there's probably a slightly higher Poly ratio there. The FSF section also has a fair number of couples seeking unicorns, so you may find some similar situations as AFF...but at least you don't need to pay for it.
Generally OKC seems better recommended, as the matching algorithms while fallible still tend to trickle like minded poly folk to the top of your matches.

Agreed to whomever suggested that dating resources should be made into a sticky thread.
yay! so it sounds like I've got lots of online dating ideas...now to move on to real life.

I wanna know how some face to face encounters have gone. What's worked for you guys and how do you approach someone and then later tell them to meet your girlfriend?

Story time !!
Ben works at a bar and a girl dropped him her number! He told me she was really cute, someone we'd both be really interested in and so he started flirting with her via text message and still thought she was really cool. finally she asks Ben, "are you seeing anybody?" and ben said something along the lines of,
"yes, but we have a very unique relationship."
"oh yeah?"
"yes, she knows about you and she knows we've been texting."
"what's so unique then?"
"we're both looking for a girlfriend." and we didn't get a response back from her for a while. It was so nerve wracking. Until she finally explained that she had been super curious about sleeping with girls and that she was currently with a wide open lesbian who actually made her nervous. she said she was really interested in Ben and I because it would be an easy way for her to dabble into girls and still have the comfort of the same sex there. So finally we got the balls to ask her out for dinner, something casual so I could meet her and what not and she said that this week wouldn't work and that she'd call us when she might be more available. Haven't heard much from her since except she "accidently" sent ben a text... Now i'm just worried she's just in for my boyfriend... but she told him that she still interested in dinner for 3.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 08-24-2009, 07:22 AM
Creatress Creatress is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 23
Default

A few points:

I'm going into a triad/quad situation (long story, as always.) I'm having to move. Not my ideal, in that way, but I think the relationship is worth it. We met on OKCup!d, and were just friends for the longest time. Things ended up falling together a few months ago, and the rest is history.

Until then, I live within a few hours of you. :-D

Good luck finding your third. Or fourth, as the case may end up being. ;-)
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 08-24-2009, 12:03 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

So far, so good.

Even if nothing comes of it, you'll have the experience.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 08-24-2009, 01:53 PM
happybird's Avatar
happybird happybird is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 13
Default

hey there!
love the story...i hope the dinner happens and you guys have a great time. i am currently in a triad, my husband and our gf (who i have been best friends with forever). it sounds like you guys are going about it the right way, and is wish you lots of luck! let us know how it goes.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 08-24-2009, 03:31 PM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 1,894
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Agreed to whomever suggested that dating resources should be made into a sticky thread.
I'll notify the management of this suggestion.
__________________
bi, partnered, available

River's Blog
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 08-27-2009, 12:09 AM
CaityandBen CaityandBen is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 12
Default The search continues

Alright, So here's an update.

Ben and I took my ex girlfriend, who is still a really good friend of mine to a concert and when we got there, they had the minors blocked off from the 21 and over....by a gate. I looked at Ben and practiced some honest, "I'm upset, humiliated, and I want to leave." He smiled and said thank you for being honest and we all left. (Ben is 28 and I'm 19, I know that sounds like a difference, but I promise it balances out.)

All 3 of us ended up going home, having a few drinks and having our first 3-way...surprisingly a very romantic, intimate 3-way! It was so wonderful to get a taste of what a triad might feel like!!! My ex, (D, we'll call her for privacy) slept in our bedroom and Ben slept on our futon. I went back and forth from bed to bed and caressed each one and kissed their necks and cheeks very gently. Ben told me he loved this new side I was showing and he was so understanding and honest with me.

Here's the thing, D is interested in me, i don't think she's interested in Ben very much and that worries me. Ben and I made a few 3-way dating rules and one was the "veto rule"...if we feel our third is trying to hog one member of the relationship, become a home wrecker of some sort, we instantly drop that person and rekindle a monogamous relationship until we find someone else. D doesn't seem to be home wrecking, she just has very little interest in Ben and it's depressing. I'm not really torn, because I think we could stay really good friends. But I kind of am torn because she's like the perfect type for us...Oh well. In conclusion, we had a really good experience sexually and physically and it gave us an idea of what we're looking for. But our search still continues.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 08-27-2009, 12:29 AM
aussielover's Avatar
aussielover aussielover is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Home Sweet Home :D
Posts: 262
Default

perhaps give her some time to get to know him a little better. Maybe she's just more comfortable with you at this time. Have them spend a little time together. Might be hard for you but if you're wanting a triad, everyone will need to spend quality time alone with both of the others.
__________________
"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Home
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:06 PM.