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  #11  
Old 11-16-2010, 07:48 PM
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Originally Posted by geminigirl View Post
I would be very interested in talking with you about ideas for a sexual boundary workshop, RP! (But of course you know that already.. )
There are a lot of things coming together with it... there will be a lot to talk about, one of the women in the women's group and I are putting together something for march, but we want to meet first and figure out where we need input and what plans would be interesting to those in our community. There will be lots of opportunity to be involved... as their usually is

thanks for asking
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  #12  
Old 11-16-2010, 07:54 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Making a lover into a friend I have never had difficulty with although it is a hard transition that can last for a time. I guess I have never been in a situation where I would want to continue the sex part... all my feelings stay the same after the break up, it generally isn't about loss of love, just compatible goals for the future. What hurts is when they see it as loss of love and move away from me emotionally. Once invested, I find it extremely hard to be okay with that pull.
Being emotionally fluid is something new to me. This will likely be something I battle with for some time. My problem is, without physical intimacy, it can be a really deep meaningful friendship. But its not something that crosses over in my head.

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I get what you are saying Ari, but could you explain the last line that relates to DNA please? I'm not getting how that relates. thanks
It seems I am not capable of recreational sex. Casual sex with people I know I have done, but I can't do one night stands. Its not in my dna

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I enjoy and loathe that too... it drives me crazy! I don't see it that different than friendship, I don't think... it kind of doesn't have anything to do with it really as I don't really see it as rational. It's just desire I don't act on for fear of ruining the friendship or because in the long run it wouldn't be worth it... perhaps the spiritual side of getting together with a group of others plays into this more and gives a place to act that out... I don't know? I haven't really experienced this longer than a moment and when I do, the person is then considered as an option for a lover rather than a friend... if that makes sense?
I have experienced it twice. Both times with people who became lovers and one time with someone who became my wife It falls in line with my

Friend
Sex/Lust
Romance
Deep connection

It just happens to be so explosive, it can usually end really abruptly like a fireball burning itself out.

Quote:
good question... what is friendship...? which is part of what I was asking originally. You have a point though, maybe its easier to define who is a lover? Friendship is a far harder thing to define for me other than it doesn't include sex.
I definitely think this. Friendship is all encompassing. I find, looking for the parts that make the minority different than friends ends up leaving the friends in its own bubble. Instead of trying to define friendship as a hard and fast rule.

Essentially diagnosis by exclusion. Exclude all the parts that "aren't" and you end up with what IS...
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  #13  
Old 11-16-2010, 08:15 PM
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Thanks Ari, really giving me food for thought.
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Old 11-16-2010, 09:30 PM
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In my own mind I don't have too much trouble distinguishing who's a friend and who's a lover. Although I tend to invest a lot into the friendships I have as well to the point of appearing to be a threat to partners of certain friends. It baffles me a bit. If I was interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with these friends I would have attempted to do so when I had the opportunity.

I have also been known to have deep friendships in the past that have turned into lover relationships. The relationship with my husband being a prime example. I haven't ever experienced going from lovers to friends though.

I wouldn't cross the line from casual friends to sexual friends. For me it's a trust thing. If I don't know someone well I don't feel comfortable being vulnerable with them. For me sex is a vulnerable experience which is a really good thing with the right person/people because it brings you closer together. But it's really not something I want to share with most of the world.
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  #15  
Old 11-17-2010, 03:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I find the line pretty easy to discern actually. Can there be some overlap, sure, with the right person maybe and depending on history.
This.
My friends are friends.
My lovers are lovers.
And as for the "in person" poly-community-I avoid being a part of it.

I just "socialize" with you all.
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  #16  
Old 11-17-2010, 03:24 AM
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I just "socialize" with you all.
And we're better for it pretty lady
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  #17  
Old 11-17-2010, 11:51 PM
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Thank you Mon.
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