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Old 11-17-2010, 11:30 PM
darksilence darksilence is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 9
Unhappy Sticky Situation - watching your girlfriend and your boyfriend fight

hi everyone!

i'm not really new to poly, however this is probably the first time i've been through this experience. i'm currently in a MFF triad relationship that i've been in for about six months now. i'd like to say we're still in the NRE stage but though i've been poly for a long time, this is my partners' first try and there has been a lot of growing and talking required to get us where we are today. we're currently going at the speed our slowest link requires which is fine. my girlfriend, though she wants to be in a triad, is finding it difficult to share physically although not emotionally so currently - my boyfriend and i dont really get any solo time together unless in a public space and p in the v sex is off the menu. which is fine and not a problem, i just want to be clear about our current situation.

unfortunately, over the last two weeks, the relationship between my two partners has become very rocky and they have been fighting quite a bit. i feel guilty, like its my fault, even though what they are fighting over has nothing to do with me. its mostly to do with money and her struggling to find a job now that she's out of uni. i'm finding the situation highly distressing and i find myself wanting to play the peacemaker even though i know i probably shouldn't. i also find myself feeling a lot of emotions that echo the emotions i felt when my parents divorced when i was 6. i'm trying to be aware of whats going on with me so i avoid adding problems to an already difficult situation.

my question is this - has anyone ever been in a similar situation? how can i be there for both of them without taking sides? how do i deal with things if they break up? to be honest, i'm going though some pretty hairy health issues of my own at the moment and i'm finding the stress of this is adding to the stress i'm already dealing with.

i'm not looking for a silver bullet answer, just getting some suggestions and knowing i'm not alone would really help a lot. sorry to be a pest... and sorry if i've babbled too much or not given enough information.

"A ship in port is safe; but that is not what ships are built for. Sail out to sea and do new things" - Grace Hopper, one of the first computer programmers and all around amazing woman. she coined the term "debugging" for fixing computer errors after finding a moth in one of her machines. one of my personal heros.
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