HELP!!! please...

[Fidelia]

Thanks for the links, polytriad. I have a larger frame of reference for your situation now.

[eklctc]

Well, TP, pretty much handled it. Speaking as a former girlfriend of a married couple, now the girlfriend of only one partner of that couple, it should be completely understandable that a level of comfort has to be developed and your comfort level, obviously, is not on the same track as the other two. Which is fine. Everyone moves at their own pace and they will just have to except that. I had a similar situation with my partners early on. I am of the belief that if you are sure of what you want then you open yourself up and let things flow naturally. Welll, my natural flow is on a faster track than either of theirs so where I was open and willing, they were expressing some resistance. Communication, communication, communication. I cannot express this enough. It really helped us through those periods of our relationship and continues to allow us to explore and grow with each other.

I hope it all sorts out.

[polytriad]

Everyone keeps saying communication communication communication.....We do communicate...The issue is that we need to have the type of communication that is inviting and resolution based. We have communication we just need to find the right kind that works for everyone.

[SNeacail]

Originally Posted by polytriad

Everyone keeps saying communication communication communication.....We do communicate...The issue is that we need to have the type of communication that is inviting and resolution based. We have communication we just need to find the right kind that works for everyone.

Wifey has already admitted that there is a breakdown in communications. Just because one person is talking, doesn't mean anyone else is listening or understanding. Personally, when I try and communicate and my husband starts to get defensive, I throw up my hands and stop trying, because what's the point he has stopped listening.

[Fidelia]

Originally Posted by polytriad

Everyone keeps saying communication communication communication.....We do communicate...

Originally Posted by wifey

@SNeacail- Lack of communication is a huge thing between her and I. It is something that we struggle with so I think it is a good idea that we look at all ways to communicate so that my need with that can be met. because she is comfortable with the way communication has been with us while I have NOT been.

I do think finding new ways to communicate will be very helpful. I guess thinking outside the box

There you have it. There is the disconnect.

[NeonKaos]

Sometimes people think that communication is "successful" ONLY if it leads to the outcome THEY want.

Ever heard of the saying, "God answers all prayers; sometimes the answer is "No""?

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

Sometimes people think that communication is "successful" ONLY if it leads to the outcome THEY want.

Ever heard of the saying, "God answers all prayers; sometimes the answer is "No""?

Very nicely put NK.

[polytriad]

Originally Posted by SNeacail

Wifey has already admitted that there is a breakdown in communications. Just because one person is talking, doesn't mean anyone else is listening or understanding. Personally, when I try and communicate and my husband starts to get defensive, I throw up my hands and stop trying, because what's the point he has stopped listening.

IE "Type" "quality" and the listeners ability to not only hear but understand without shutting down. We have had conversations that ended badly and then had the same conversation with different tone and manner which put the listener in a more receptive mind which are all key elements to successful communication...This has just happend to us yesterday...well between Wifey and SlikkNikk....

Originally Posted by Fidelia

There you have it. There is the disconnect.

She his referring to the action after the conversation or the receptiveness of all parties during said communication. Maybe a "How to communicate successfully guide would be useful" Also Wifey needs communication in the "stay in touch" realm like text throughout the day...How are you type of stuff..this is also what she means in regarding communication between her and SlikkNikk...SlikkNikk is not accustom to staying in contact all day but it is important to wifey...

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

Sometimes people think that communication is "successful" ONLY if it leads to the outcome THEY want.

Ever heard of the saying, "God answers all prayers; sometimes the answer is "No""?

I would pull to agree with this in most cases however with us its more about having a clear understanding of what the other is trying to express and the correct way to take it...whatever that is...Successful in the terms of communication IMO is about making sure your listener understands you...

[SNeacail]

Originally Posted by polytriad

Also Wifey needs communication in the "stay in touch" realm like text throughout the day...How are you type of stuff..this is also what she means in regarding communication between her and SlikkNikk...SlikkNikk is not accustom to staying in contact all day but it is important to wifey...

Let me just say, that both my husband and I SUCK at effective communication - at least between the two of us. We are currently in counceling and finally (after 19 years) learning how to communicate to each other.

I also need the texts during the day, but dh usually forgets. I have found that to jump start things, I have to make the first move and text him first. Usually just an "I miss you" or "Thinking of you". That will start some back and forth between us and the next day he might send the first text.

If it is something we need, as hard as it is, we might have to initiate it until the other person has made it a habit or gets used to idea, especially if it's not something they need in return. It can turn into a viscious circle, both parties stewing because the other hasn't done something. Until someone has the guts to make the first move everyone is in a stalemate of hurt feelings and resentment.

[NeonKaos]

Communication Workshop