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  #11  
Old 11-14-2010, 04:58 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Are you asking if someone who is poly can be satisfied in a mono relationship? I think it depends on the mono relationship. If you are poly and still free to seek out deep friendships and are able to connect with others even without sex then I think it can work for some people. I don't think it can be switched on and off but you can choose not to be sexual with others.
I could agree with this. I think as long as I have been "open" I have been more poly than I thought. I have been hanging out with and enjoying myself with other women for a long. Not usually sexually but I have been building emotional bonds that come and go (very transient here so people don't last long)

I don't think I can turn mine off. I do think some people could be indifferent to the prospect. But again, thats not turning it off, thats just not being concerned.
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  #12  
Old 11-15-2010, 06:58 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Originally Posted by vodkafan View Post
I guess I was wondering about people who have maybe had poly leanings for years, but been more or less happy in a monogamous long term relationship, how they controlled themselves, whether it made them very unfulfilled etc etc; I wasn't talking about having a partner impose control on them. OK thanks for the replies, which were interesting.
I will try to be more specific about questions in future; it was really just an idle thought that popped in my head.
When Indigo and I started dating, I made it clear to him that eventually, I could not be exclusive to him and him alone. I fall in love too often, and the thought of never being able to do that again is heart-breaking to me. However, he'd had some bad experiences and needed time to build up trust.

We took that time, but I didn't realize until much later that I was trying to make him fulfill all of my needs while we built up trust. We are like a square hole and a rectangular peg. We are very close, but not a "perfect" match. Me, trying to make us fit perfectly, is damage that we're still working on repairing.

So no, I'm sure we wouldn't have lasted if we'd stayed monogamous. He is the first person I've been able to practice poly with. I find it no coincidence that he and I have been in the longest relationship of my life by more than twice any other.

I am looking forward to a long and happy life with my Indigo, and to experience the joys that others will bring to us, whether as individuals, or our partnership, for the long or short term.
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  #13  
Old 11-15-2010, 07:51 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vodkafan View Post
I guess I was wondering about people who have maybe had poly leanings for years, but been more or less happy in a monogamous long term relationship, how they controlled themselves, whether it made them very unfulfilled etc etc;
Well, I can only speak for myself, but to me it's like asking how I controlled myself when I was single. I was single because I hadn't met someone I was in love with and who was in love with me. Being single in itself didn't make me miserable, I wasn't missing anything, but when someone did show up my life incorporated him.
Then it was the exact same thing. I wasn't controlling myself, not really, I wasn't worried about it because I hadn't met anyone. When I realised it would happened, I talked with my husband about it, and then I went back to not thinking about it.

I guess I'm very "take it as it comes" in that prospect. I've never looked for "someone", just tried to be with people I felt an attraction and/on connection with.
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  #14  
Old 11-16-2010, 05:29 PM
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rpcrazy rpcrazy is offline
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phew, i haven't posted in a while...

I'm gonna have to agree with groundedspirit on this one. I'm Poly but i'm in a monogamous relationship at the moment. However i'm still poly in that I believe in loving relationships with multiple people. It's something that is static, it never goes away it just is. Relationship status doesn't define the label of a person as "poly". It's more of an idea of how to work out individual relationships in your life.
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