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  #21  
Old 11-16-2010, 02:51 PM
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gomugirl1656 gomugirl1656 is offline
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I am sorry to hear you feel crappy. I hope you get feeling better soon.
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  #22  
Old 11-16-2010, 04:48 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Rats. Sorry, Magdlyn.
Romance can be such a rollercoaster.
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  #23  
Old 11-17-2010, 09:12 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gomugirl1656 View Post
I am sorry to hear you feel crappy. I hope you get feeling better soon.
Thanks, GG! I think my cold has turned the corner. I am no longer feverish and coughing less, blowing my nose more.

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Originally Posted by Fidelia View Post
Rats. Sorry, Magdlyn.
Romance can be such a rollercoaster.
Yes, ma'am, it sure can be.

I went ahead and wrote to R today, just kind of expressing my hurt at him breaking our date with such a vague excuse and "let's chat soon." We'll see if he has the decency and cojones to respond.

So, this photoshoot is actually just part of a fun weekend with old friends that madi's new friend, M and his Lady, LC have planned. So my gf will get to meet several of their best friends, get introduced to the (poly/leather) family, basically. It's a 2 1/2 hr drive to where they are going in Maine. They are leaving in the evening on Friday and won't be back til Sunday night. She asked me to dogsit. I said no. I'm already dealing with her getting to have a fun weekend without me (and probably some intimacy with M), I would feel too used to have to take her dogs back to Lowell with me. I'm not a dog person, and I was looking forward to some peaceful time alone in my apt while she's away and my son is at his dad's.

So, she has to hire a dogsitter and that's that. Boundaries! She'll also need a dogsitter for when we are in Florida, since all her friends are busy with Thanksgiving and aren't available.

There's been no more talk of her seeing M during the week while I am here. She'll have a good full 2 days with him this weekend, that should be enough.

Meanwhile we are cleaning her apt, and having some nice couple time, nothing fancy, just cooking, wine, cuddles, movie watching and talking.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #24  
Old 11-18-2010, 08:01 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
. . . Meanwhile we are cleaning her apt, and having some nice couple time, nothing fancy, just cooking, wine, cuddles, movie watching and talking.
Now THAT sounds like a good time!
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  #25  
Old 11-18-2010, 09:48 PM
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It woudlve been more fun if I didnt have this annoying cold. The Fla sun should bake it out of me next wk.

So gf was a very good girl and lined up 2 dogsitters, one for the weekend who is the dog trainer at the Petco a few blocks away, who will come here to her apt and play w the dogs 3 times while gf is away. Then another one who will take them to her own house while we're in Florida.

Gf is nervous about her trip, she's quite shy, but I'm sure she'll have a great time. I'm kinda envious, but dealing all right. Envy of her fun weekend, not jealousy about her M. These ppl are apparently kinky scenesters, not our usual cup of tea, so it should be... interesting and educational.

No word from R, so far. But I've given up on him. More fish in the semen as my gf tells me! In fact my sweet boytoy, D, has msged me (after only 16 days since our last date, which is soon for him.) He even asked to maybe sleep over, a first! Yum.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #26  
Old 11-20-2010, 01:30 PM
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Still with this lingering cold... I had a busy day yesterday. Gf and I drove 20 miles to meet the 2nd dogsitter, and she was awesome. So, we will drop the dogs off there on Monday.

Then in the evening, I decided to drive gf to her M's place, where she was to meet them so they could take the trip to Maine. That way I figured I could meet him and his gf. And I did, and got a very good feeling. They seem warm and intelligent. And just like everyone says (and I exped the last time gf had a bf) they are cute but not examples of model-like perfection. No reason to feel threatened. M, 35, is tall and on the burly side, with a slight sexy Spanish accent (did I mention he grew up in Spain?). His gf is only 27, pretty face, nice skin, natural blonde hair, quite obese, huge breasts, and covered in beautiful tattoos.

I didnt stay long, just about 10 minutes. Found out more about the place they are going to. Asked M to take good care of my girl and he said, "I promise we'll bring her back in one piece, and if we don't, we'll put all the parts in one box." I said, "OK good, so I can sew her back together again." And then I had this mental image:



Then I gave my gf a lovely kiss and we parted.

ETA, she texted me at 2AM to say they'd arrived safely and everything was going great.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32

Last edited by Magdlyn; 11-20-2010 at 02:05 PM.
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  #27  
Old 11-20-2010, 01:41 PM
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And my evening. After dropping gf off I had the longish drive back to my place, in rush hour traffic. Stopped off for some food and beers. I was expecting my boytoy D to arrive late, after work. (He works at a Domino's and has since high school, but graduated college last spring and was hired by an investment org, starts that in January.)

So he arrived at 11 and we had our usual over the top amazing sex, and we did some things... well, I won't go into detail, but these 2 things had seemed painful when I attempted them in the past ( I did them more to submit for his pleasure), but this time I made sure he went slow and gradually at first, and used lots of lube, and OMG, I actually really enjoyed them.

Afterward, talking on the couch, he said, "It (the sex) just seems to get better and better, how is that possible?" I said, "It's because we know each other better, our tastes and interests." I am happy to let him continue to think we just have a booty call relationship... but he's gotta be noticing how being together now for 19 months, I really mean something to him.

He also called me "so gorgeous" when we were making "love," awwww.

Unfortunately he couldnt stay over. I was disappointed but he told me, "It will happen." He was so tired from making 95 pizzas an hour and had promised to drive his ne'er-do-well brother who has no license from a DUI, but needs work done on his broken nose ( *rolleyes* ) to a Boston hosp first thing in the morning. D is such a good brother! Maybe too nice.

So we had our usual warm cuddly chat on the couch for a half hour and he left, and I collapsed in bed.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32

Last edited by Magdlyn; 11-20-2010 at 01:51 PM.
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  #28  
Old 11-20-2010, 01:47 PM
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And one more serial post (such a busy day!). When I got home I saw there was a return email from R, who bagged on our date last weekend. Basically he pulled the "busy doctor" card, saying he only has 6 discretionary hours in his week, and he is pulled between dating people like me to act on his personal sexual kinks, and dating apparently vanilla girls who will potentially marry him and breed with him.

*rolleyes*

Not sure how to respond, or even if I should. He did say, "I am dividing that time between potential lovers such as yourself and potential mates. All it takes is one potential mate to suck up that six hours and make it so that I have absolutely no time for a perfectly lovely person such as you. I crave your companionship actually, and still think you are one of the most open minded and receptive people I have ever met."

I think I will recommend he find a kinky young woman who can fulfill both roles for him. If he pretends to be vanilla, marries a vanilla girl, they have a couple kids, and then she finds out what a perv he is, wow, I'd feel sorry for their kids.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #29  
Old 11-23-2010, 12:16 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Gf got back from her trip to Maine with M and L on Cloud Nine. There were 5 other people at the house party and everyone accepted her and she felt really comfortable.

She had a couple cuddle sessions with M, just small kisses, nothing real hot and heavy.

There was no kink play on the weekend, mostly the people were geeks and just hung out and talked about sci fi while L was in photo sessions with the hostess.

This group also went to a munch at a local restaurant on Sunday which was attended by about 40 people. She recognized many of them from various kink/queer events (conferences, Pride) we've been to in the past couple years.

So, it was a great self esteem booster for her and I am happy for her. She's been pretty depressed during her transition this year. I've done my ever-lovin' best to support her, but it's hard work, so if she's found some new others to offer support and affirmation, that's great.

However. I am left feeling a few bad things. First of all, envy that she got to go to such a kink and queer positive weekend without me. As I said earlier, I agreed to this before I knew it was a weekend-long event.

Second, and more concerning, the gf/Mistress of her bf turns out to be a celebrity in the East Coast kink scenesters community. She's a semi-pro Domme and event organizer of some repute. All the house party people seemed to take orders from her. At the munch, fans were coming over to her practically bowing and scraping.

And... M introduced my gf to everyone as "their toy." Not his, his and Hers. And here I thought they weren't a package deal. But it's obvious who is the Queen of this power couple. My gf basked in her status as the new "toy" (and possible future slave) of the Queen and her Prince.

So, gf is involved with rockstars now... and I feel like a middle aged housewife frump left behind to sweep her floors, do our dishes, take out her trash and clean her toilet while she primps and travels for dates and events with them.

Sometimes I feel totally lost in the BDSM world. God, I just enjoy giving or getting a nice spanking/flogging now and then, or a little light bondage. This is major league shit. (pony play, play piercings, suspensions, knife play, etc etc)I've never been to a kink play party or dungeon, I don't wear high heels and do not own any leather corsets, latex dresses, or garter belts.

Add to this my own futile search for Mr Right and wonderings whether I've outlived my expiration date to find just the right youthful attentive sexy man to complete my happiness, I am one sad puppy. I could barely sleep the last two nights. And I feel bad to be gloomy and put a damper on my gf's NRE and self-esteem boost.

Partly I am tiring of the short term more or less casual relationships i have found these past 2 years (besides gf). Partly I am wondering if I shouldn't even have a craving for a bf. Maybe that's just a hetero nostalgia from what I once had in marriage to my ex. Just that stupid, "Some day my prince will come..." bs.

Am I greedy? Shouldn't I be content with my gf and my boytoy and just give all the dating and searching a rest? But no! I like socializing and attention!

sigh--- confused
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32

Last edited by Magdlyn; 11-23-2010 at 12:18 PM.
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  #30  
Old 11-23-2010, 01:06 PM
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I'm really new to the site but I've read the whole blog and wanted to say thanks for sharing it and giving me some more things to think about.

I wish you well.
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