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  #481  
Old 11-15-2010, 05:05 AM
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I had a really awesome night with Mono... very bonding and expanding. I am feeling very NRE-ish today. We reached new heights I think and new expansions far beyond what I would imagine and would of thought. How is that at all possible?

My skills as a domme and his mistress are improving and entirely enjoyable beyond expectation.

I think I will search for a sub girl though. I have a need to expand with like minded people. The opportunities that have come up don't seem to be playing out as I had thought they would. We shall see.

On to a busy week feeling rested, loved, a part of my tribe. PN was amazing this weekend and I so appreciated his willingness to let me rest. What else is there really, but family,... good friends would be nice, but the idea of what that is has left me confused where the poly community is concerned.
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  #482  
Old 11-15-2010, 05:29 AM
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My skills as a domme and his mistress are improving and entirely enjoyable beyond expectation.
And I've got the marks behind my knees to show it! Nice work Love
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  #483  
Old 11-15-2010, 03:49 PM
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Off to a new start today in a lot of ways. There is a lot going on in my head about what my place is in the world and what I should be doing... I have a good idea of where to go from here, but how to get there alludes me.

Mono asked me last night some questions that I am mulling over in my head... most of which lead to "what is the point in making an effort where community is concerned?" "What is the point in supporting community and being involved in it's visibility and advocating for the outer communities understanding and acceptance?" "Why not just live my life and carry on with my tribe?"

I really don't have answers to those questions. I think I might be banging on a door that isn't going to open. Or maybe banging on the wrong door. I have some ideas of what I want to do, but don't think I have the attention that will draw people in to do them...

I don't know where to draw from to find those that are new to poly, or new to sex positive culture, or new to open relationships, or new to being involved in their process around such things... that resource is tapped and monitored closely. There are gaps, but where does one find attention when that happens.... ?

ponder.
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  #484  
Old 11-15-2010, 04:09 PM
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Hm, I think you've already done tremendous things in building poly community, Redpepper, both here online and locally with the women's group. I know many people who would not be involved in or feeling comfortable with polyamory were it not for you. I think you sell yourself short.

I view community-building as a process (a lifelong learning process, heh) that involves primarily a love for that community in all its changing forms and cycles. In my life, I prefer to seek attention from those I'm closest to so that I can put out energy to my community ('cause really, you put out far more energy than you get back when you find yourself leading a group). I find community attention to not be as sustaining in the long run as intimacy, and social contact is a bit different from being in a leadership position. You are so lucky in your poly family because you have a great support and foundation for the strength needed to give of yourself to a larger community.

I'm rambling a bit, but since I've found myself in a community-builder role I've pondered this often, and I came across an article the other day that pretty much summed it up for me in this one quote: To be a leader, "you have to own the crap and open-source the good stuff." Eg. You're responsible for decisions (especially your bad ones) but you don't really get to keep the credit for the good stuff -- that goes back into the community where it truly belongs.

Anyway, wanted to let you know how much you are loved and needed by the poly community here, so don't ever stop reaching out in the unique and compassionate way you do. You don't need to look far to find people who will be attracted to your warmth and desire to help -- they are already finding you!

Geminigirl

PS Here is the link to the full article; it's a good one:

http://www.chrisbrogan.com/leading-a-community/
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  #485  
Old 11-15-2010, 04:40 PM
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Thanks geminigirl. I like the quote, so true, and the link. Will read later.

I'm not going anywhere, just adjusting I think I've been around enough that I can back away from things that aren't working more and concentrate on things that might. Give it a try anyway. Its a matter of how and figuring out the difference between friends and community members. I feel a thread coming on

Thanks for your support, I offer you the same whenever you need it
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  #486  
Old 11-15-2010, 04:49 PM
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I love going to the coffee shop near PN's work. Full of civil servants who like to flirt! What a boost to my day. They have that, "please take me away from my monday morning," look about them.
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  #487  
Old 11-15-2010, 05:11 PM
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thanks for your support, i offer you the same whenever you need it
<3
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  #488  
Old 11-15-2010, 05:52 PM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I love going to the coffee shop near PN's work. Full of civil servants who like to flirt! What a boost to my day. They have that, "please take me away from my monday morning," look about them.
Sounds like a good start to a Monday morning, both for you and for them. I'm sure you've given some of those civil servants a smile or two that will get them through their day! Flirting is so good for the soul.
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  #489  
Old 11-21-2010, 06:42 PM
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This weekend Mono and I took LB up to my parents cottage that they just finished building. I had a tug on my heart strings whilst there as it was to be the cottage that we build together, but they put an end to that idea when we came out to them last fall as they saw Mono as a threat to the stability of the family. I am still invested in that notion that I was not included even though it seems contrary to what they think now. I am hoping that blogging about it will help me see things differently as I do so want to give up my attachment to not being included in their process.

So, it was evident that my mothers skills at organizing and getting things together are waining in her later years. I hadn't noticed until she showed me all the things that are left to do and what she and my Dad had done. My dad is incapable of getting it together without my mum to direct him every step of the way and although my mum is patient, it is wearing her out.

My mum relied on me, to some extent, to get some things underway and organized while we were there. Something I am very good at and have definitely picked up on from her. I was grateful for that chance in light of the fact that I haven't been included in anything so far other than the house design. When that design was confirmed, that was my last participation. This was a sign to me that she still wants my input.

The very fact that Mono came with me and LB was a big indication that my parents are not worried about his interaction in our family and have indeed welcomed him as an addition. They even had a bed for us in the same space as LB. Our sleeping arrangement means that I spend some of my time with Mono. I thought this would still be an effort for them to accept. Mono was really surprised and delighted and so was I.

My mum talked of future plans to spend time at the cottage all of us together. She told us how happy she was that she could sit with her family around the table and that was all she wanted. She said she hoped that we would all want to be there with them to share our lives and be together.

So, I can't see any reason to hold onto my disappointment. They have built a beautiful space for all of us to be invited to and are including us in sharing that space. I see no reason to not let it go and allow myself to be present with them. I will get there eventually I suppose. I can let go of the trauma of last fall and invite good experience to wash it away now....
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  #490  
Old 11-21-2010, 07:19 PM
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Nice post Lilo the fact that your mom did not bat an eye at setting up a bed for us right next to LB was a big indication for me. It indicates that they do not see our dynamic as unhealthy; that is huge. I had a great night and truly enjoy your families company
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