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Old 11-14-2010, 12:07 AM
cuddlecakes cuddlecakes is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near NYC
Posts: 30
Default Hello

Hello

I've been interested in poly for more than a decade, but have only been in monogamous relationships until the last few years. Strangely enough, because I started dating kind of late, I've actually been interested in poly longer than I've been dating.

My last relationship was ambiguously open. We talked about both wanting openness and not being possessive and being free to see other people, but we weren't the best communicators and never said much else about boundaries or what kind of relationship we were in. She started seeing another couple, but didn't tell me much about it, and I didn't ask. I got pretty jealous, things were uncomfortable between them, etc.

After a year of being alone, I've started dating someone new in August, and we established from the first date that we both want it to be non-monogamous. We're doing pretty well so far, but it's new for both of us, so I thought "Hey, I'll join this forum and see what advice and ideas I can get."

Some issues I hadn't expected:

Relationship styles - She's more interested in a serious primary relationship with more casual things on the side? More "open" than "poly". For myself, I've always imagined polyamory with a few serious partners and not really any "hierarchy". Hmmm.

Inequality - She has a lot of other dudes, but I don't have any other ladies. Sometimes I feel like I'm "getting the short end of the stick". Of course that's not her fault or anything, it's just easy to feel insecure. In fact, she's been limiting what she does to make it easier on me, but that makes me feel guilty that she's missing out on good things because of my insecurity.
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