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Old 11-13-2010, 03:05 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 287
Default The "Institute"

I used to consider getting married and have actually been engaged to be married four times. Those marriages never came to pass and I am not sorry. I've never wore the 'traditional' costume very well and, though, I loved these men immensely, and could probably be the traditional wife, I would eventually tire of the constraints and partial satisfaction. Marriage was never really my thing...not in the sense it is expressed/practiced in this society.

I do want to be committed and united but I want it to be done as equivalently as possible across the board with whomever I partner with. Marrying someone before you know that your love lifestyle is meant to consist of more than one person is one thing but doing so after you have come to this realization is ... unfair ... in my view.

Now, I understand that it may be easier and cheaper to just get married as to grant a partner with all of the rights you would want them to have on your behalf; however, equality has never been easy or cheap so why would you think creating it within your own relationships would be any different? The only way for all of my partners to be equally acknowledged and vested in my life and affairs is to do it legally meaning drawing up documents that address their rights as it pertains to my assets, health/death, etc.

What I see is ... there is still something 'dominant' about the relationship when two people have 'married' even when involved in a polyamorous relationship. Now, if the set-up is primary/secondary, that's understandable but some legal adjustments still should be made, especially, if the households are combined, etc. That's just my take. However, I don't like the term 'secondary' when talking about committed, long-term and I choose not to place a 'value' or 'placement' on the people I involve myself with. It reminds me too much of polygamy.

I desire a relationship where we are all (I'm thinking a max of four people total) primaries to each other. I know that is idealistic but it can happen. Now, if I end up with three men, well, I don't really expect all three of them to be primaries to each other but it could happen and I'd be SO happy! We would do a unity ceremony (like a Vegas wedding with much fewer people, alcohol, and props) and we could even change names (if anyone would like) and signify our union by having the Egyptian Infinity symbol tattooed on/around the base of a finger (finger of your choosing). Then we would have our attorney draw up legal documents that give each of us all of the same rights one would receive if they were to legally marry one person.

I'm just thinking out loud.
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