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  #41  
Old 11-02-2010, 11:40 AM
new2poly new2poly is offline
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Originally Posted by RazeGeneration View Post
also, I said that I may be interested in a nonsexual relationship for now...
I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I'm enjoying the sexual tension that exists between my guy's female persona and myself - which seems to keep going higher and higher... LOL. There are ways to relieve the frustration between times and companionship, love and affection are extremely satisfying emotionally and mentally.

I have to say, my relationship with both my guys is more satisfying that any relationship I have had with a sexual component. Our relationship is built on love, trust and honesty. If sex comes into it (or some form of mutual sexual satisfaction) it will have it's basis in those things. With the emotional connection in place, "I want to make you feel good because I love you" is a huge chunk of the decision to cross into that area. It has nothing to do with orientation or an animalistic attraction, it's an extension of your caring for that person.

My guys female persona sees that I am extremely attracted to her and that is a way he feels free to express his acceptance of my sexual needs. He knows what I like and he strives to give me the feeling that he desires me when he is in female form. He will often describe me as his "lesbian lover" when he is dressed as a female. In our normal day to day lives, I lack a title to express what I mean to my guys, so it's important to all of us that we have words to convey the deeper meaning of our relationship, if only within the gay community.

Looks like we have come back around to that, "non-sexual passionate love" topic again. :-)
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  #42  
Old 11-02-2010, 07:34 PM
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River River is offline
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I think I have developed a sex phobia due to past relationships that turned sour after sex, sometimes my fault, sometimes their fault.

I do not trust love. Many men will say anything for sex. i need a guy who's truly attracted to me, not just what I can do to him.
Good to see you back, RG.

It seems to me that a lot of men confuse their craving for emotional (etc.) intimacy and loving with sexual desire, such that it all registers as sexual desire. I think this has to do with the general socialization / conditioning guys get in our culture (and most cultures). Most of us never learned to feel safe and comfortable in expressing tenderness--or receiving such expression from other guys.

Like me, you want something more well-rounded. And I think that's a good thing -- and a sign of emotional health.

I think we can have this with or without sex involved. And sex is much, much better when the relationship is more well-rounded.

Sex can be the icing on the cake, but should never be confused for the whole cake!
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  #43  
Old 11-05-2010, 10:40 AM
RGee91 RGee91 is offline
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I just really hate how gay men allow themselves to be portrayed as whores. For example the other day I was browsing craigslist, and decided to read the dating ads. The straight and lesbian ads were mostly seeking relationships, while ALL of the gay males were seeking sex.
honestly, I cant blame the media for the conditioning. all of those men decided for themselves to be whores.


I've yet to meet a gay man who didnt treat sex like it was the whole cake....
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  #44  
Old 11-05-2010, 09:07 PM
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Craigslist is like that, sadly, RG, but while it does function as some sort of (sad) indicator, it's helpful to remember that a lot of other queer-friendly or gay dating sites are far more relationship oriented or welcoming.

By the way, I've had more than a few of my own Craigslist ads flagged and removed BECAUSE I said I was looking for more than just a sex partner for the moment. CL is treated as turf by sex addicted, intimacy avoidant "whores" (as you call them). They hate guys like you and me. They hate us for our relative freedom and how it reminds them of their own terrors. They don't want to have us around because we represent the freedom they feel they cannot embrace: the freedom to love in whole way.

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Originally Posted by RazeGeneration View Post
I've yet to meet a gay man who didnt treat sex like it was the whole cake....
We exist! There are millions of us. And we need each other -- whether as friends or lovers.... Do not despair. Instead, situate yourself for the happy accident of meeting another like yourself, a man with a wholesome heart.



=====


This is from an email I just sent to a friend.:

I just came from an especially interesting, good, happy, smooth, friendly, long conversation which began with two guys I just met, Christopher and Daniel. It was really cool. And then Christopher took off, so it was just Daniel and I, and we continued to sit and talk in the Santa Fe Plaza park.... And then Daniel brought up homosexuality. And things began to get bad. He's not the least open minded on that subject, says all gay people have a "soul sickness" and he hopes people will "straighten it out". It started with some mention (his) of rainbows, and how the conspirators behind the scenes have co-opted the rainbow for use as a gay symbol -- stolen from the "rainbow warriors".

It went so suddenly bad and worse that when I got up I basically told him to fuck off. I know that doesn't help my cause much, but the guy needs to understand that he's not a doctor diagnosing an illness but a man in ignorance of others (and the subject) throwing judgement, hatered, and contemptuousness at innocent people who also happen to be repressed and cursed the world over.

It was weird going from such warm waters to an icy bucket of water dumped on my head.

Last edited by River; 11-05-2010 at 09:16 PM.
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  #45  
Old 11-13-2010, 02:16 AM
new2poly new2poly is offline
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Originally Posted by River View Post
Craigslist is like that, sadly, RG, but while it does function as some sort of (sad) indicator, it's helpful to remember that a lot of other queer-friendly or gay dating sites are far more relationship oriented or welcoming.
I looked at CL a couple times cuz I had been wondering if I could find a tranny or drag queen that was bi or straight (I doubt the last exists), because I find that I am so attracted to my BF female persona, but not to female "equipment" so to speak, but what I found there was... not nice. I'm not really wanting to just find someone to experiment with either really... a relationship would be good but..I don't know how that would fit into my current situation.

What I really want is to have some form of sexual relationship with my bf's female persona, because if I tell the truth, it's not just being attracted to any drag queen.. it's him/her that makes my heart go....flip-flop.

I'm scared to ask him if we could try anything sexual because 1) I would want him to tell his bf (my metamour) and get his approval and I don't think his bf would be happy about that at all, and 2) I'm not sure that C. is open to it, but I don't know. I guess I won't know if I don't ask, but I'm afraid of a negative reaction. Even though he is very sexy with me and seems to delight in turning me on when he's in drag, he's not that way with me as a boy... which means....I don't know what. LOL I will say that my metamour does not want anything to do with C.'s drag persona outside of a show situation and is pretty adamant that C. not drag out unless he gets paid. So, my dreams of taking her on a date, seem right out. For now.

I do want to ask you guys something tho... if you formed a deep emotional bond with a woman, would sex be right out if you are defining yourself as "gay"? I'm not really looking for sex as penetration per se (especially since that's sort of a minor impossibility in full drag) but kissing, petting, rubbing etc... I know, it was not too long ago I was saying I didn't need that really and I would never push it... but it would be a plus.


Quote:
By the way, I've had more than a few of my own Craigslist ads flagged and removed BECAUSE I said I was looking for more than just a sex partner for the moment. CL is treated as turf by sex addicted, intimacy avoidant "whores" (as you call them). They hate guys like you and me. They hate us for our relative freedom and how it reminds them of their own terrors. They don't want to have us around because we represent the freedom they feel they cannot embrace: the freedom to love in whole way.
Wow. That is intense. I never thought about it that way. It's sad that they can't approach relationships in a loving way. I think people like that must miss out on so much. I was involved with someone for 12 years that only gave me sex and it was the most unfulfilled relationship I ever had.


Quote:
I just came from an especially interesting, good, happy, smooth, friendly, long conversation which began with two guys I just met, Christopher and Daniel. It was really cool. And then Christopher took off, so it was just Daniel and I, and we continued to sit and talk in the Santa Fe Plaza park.... And then Daniel brought up homosexuality. And things began to get bad. He's not the least open minded on that subject, says all gay people have a "soul sickness" and he hopes people will "straighten it out". It started with some mention (his) of rainbows, and how the conspirators behind the scenes have co-opted the rainbow for use as a gay symbol -- stolen from the "rainbow warriors".

<snip>
Oh wow. I am so sorry. I get so upset when I think about how hard it was for both my guys to come out and how horrible some friends and family were to them. I feel sorry for the people that have missed having these two wonderful guys in their lives. More for me! :-)

New2Poly
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  #46  
Old 11-16-2010, 08:59 PM
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rpcrazy rpcrazy is offline
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I'm bi but i'm a pro in any definition. i'm 26...i messed around with my best friend when were like 8 or 10 or something. I thought a few guys were cute in school but never did anything. I even knew a few gay guys but they were way too flamboyant for my taste. In college i learned that guys go to porn book stores to hook up...i'm in las vegas so we have a lot. I did that infrequently(maybe 2 or 3 times a year) for a while until i decided it was dangerous and irresponsible.

My first real experience was with a guy and his girlfriend for 9 years, and me and my g/f. He was akward around me though and never let any walls down...unfortunately his g/f did, drama ensued and now he left his girl who is in love with me He was the first one I had real sex with too...it was kind of amazing. I thought we got along but she told me later he always thought I was an idiot (...he's a nuero surgeon, but not THAT smarter than me...a computer nerd).

now me and my girlfriend swing and vegas isn't that liberal of a place and it's hard to find Bi men to meet. Not to mention swinging doesn't really help the odds of finding a emotional relationship with a man.

i'm often fettered with thoughts of my bisexuality, of being with a man. what's it like? What will i feel? will it be better cause most men are thinkers and not feelers? lol In all seriousness everyday that goes by and wonder about it more and more. I really want to have a meaninful intimate relationship with preferably a bi man because I can relate more, but...i don't know if it'll ever happen :/
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  #47  
Old 11-16-2010, 10:27 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by new2poly View Post


I do want to ask you guys something tho... if you formed a deep emotional bond with a woman, would sex be right out if you are defining yourself as "gay"? I'm not really looking for sex as penetration per se (especially since that's sort of a minor impossibility in full drag) but kissing, petting, rubbing etc... I know, it was not too long ago I was saying I didn't need that really and I would never push it... but it would be a plus.

New2poly, it's not unheard of for a woman to be w a gay man. He might be somewhat bi, and just hasnt come to terms with it. Or he might be so in love with you he realizes that your small cock (clit) is not an issue. IMO, all plumbing is the same, women just have tiny cocks, and men have their ovaries hanging outside their bodies.

Go cautiously tho, looking for a "trannie." Many transwomen who are pre-op have a lot of issues around having a cock and wish they had vaginas. Some don't even like to be touched down there. MY gf is MtF trans, and goes thru some mental gymnastics to be able to have sex. We still do, and it's great. Most of the time she can let go and just feel the good feelings. But she really wants a vagina. Luckily I love her and I'd be happy to sex her, no matter the shape of her genitals.
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  #48  
Old 11-16-2010, 10:30 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by rpcrazy View Post

now me and my girlfriend swing and vegas isn't that liberal of a place and it's hard to find Bi men to meet. Not to mention swinging doesn't really help the odds of finding a emotional relationship with a man.

i'm often fettered with thoughts of my bisexuality, of being with a man. what's it like? What will i feel? will it be better cause most men are thinkers and not feelers? lol In all seriousness everyday that goes by and wonder about it more and more. I really want to have a meaninful intimate relationship with preferably a bi man because I can relate more, but...i don't know if it'll ever happen :/
rpcrazy. have you tried the dating site ok cupid? You can list yourself as available, poly and bi and see who's out there like you. There are nice detailed profiles to help you sort through and reject the players just looking for casual sex. Good luck.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #49  
Old 11-17-2010, 12:10 AM
new2poly new2poly is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
New2poly, it's not unheard of for a woman to be w a gay man. He might be somewhat bi, and just hasnt come to terms with it. Or he might be so in love with you he realizes that your small cock (clit) is not an issue. IMO, all plumbing is the same, women just have tiny cocks, and men have their ovaries hanging outside their bodies.
I'm gonna hang a limb here and say he is bi, he was bi until women hurt him so badly that he decided to be gay. He wasn't "man enough" for most women and I suspect he had cross dressing issues that women don't usually accept. Of course, this is only what I glean from conversations that we have had. One of these days I do plan to sit and discuss it with him.

Tonight however, I have the tequila, he has the margarita mix and he's on his way here by himself. The last two days he's been in an incredibly good mood... so I'm a little bit scared of what this might mean. LOL Of course it could mean he just wants to have a drink. I'm going to be careful how much I drink, because dis-inhibition might not be the best idea. Mostly because I might say things he's not ready to hear.

Quote:
Go cautiously tho, looking for a "trannie." Many transwomen who are pre-op have a lot of issues around having a cock and wish they had vaginas. Some don't even like to be touched down there. MY gf is MtF trans, and goes thru some mental gymnastics to be able to have sex. We still do, and it's great. Most of the time she can let go and just feel the good feelings. But she really wants a vagina. Luckily I love her and I'd be happy to sex her, no matter the shape of her genitals.
Actually, I am learning this on another board. I also discovered there are many, many heterosexual cross dressers. I am though, hopelessly in love with C. and so, I'm willing to see what might develop.

Thanks for your insight!
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  #50  
Old 11-18-2010, 04:58 AM
wearelookin wearelookin is offline
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Hi all,
I am the male half of a 16 year marriage. I actually identify myself as bi,but lean more toward the male side...
It's such a long story I don't know if I could even type it all here....
I love my wife dearly, but I so crave male companionship. We have had threesomes with other men most of our married life.. (which is great, I won't lie) But I am becoming tired of just sex.....
Recently I met a gay man and I would sware I was instantly in love...he was so kind and sweet,,, we got along great and even spent the night together, touching but no intercourse. It was magnificent...
He wanted me to leave my family and for a while I thought maybe I could but in the end I could not give up on 16 years and I do love her. He hates me now and told me not to do this to anyone else....I felt like sh**...
I so want a man in my life, not for sex only but to be with....
Sorry if this is not the place to vent this guys but I loved the people commenting here....
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