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  #11  
Old 11-11-2010, 03:06 AM
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Jodi Jodi is offline
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thanks friends.
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  #12  
Old 11-11-2010, 03:08 AM
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lol. nope, don't want to torture myself!
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  #13  
Old 11-11-2010, 05:06 AM
booklady78 booklady78 is offline
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I understand this feeling all too well. I have a boyfriend of just over a year who isn't able to tell me he loves me. He is very caring and affectionate. He just has issues with the "3 little words" but sometimes I feel it's more than that. I can't help but wonder what our future holds sometimes, I would really like some sign of a deeper relationship between us. I would love to exchange rings someday, have a commitment ceremony. He's had long term relationships before me, without marriage and he's said he's not interested in marriage. I'm already married, so an actual legal marriage isn't possible for he & I, but I long for him to truly be my "partner" in life - not just someone I have fun with and care about.
Some days it just feels so hard to be in love with someone who doesn't return that love. I've done my best to assure him of my feelings, I never want him to feel "second best" to my husband. I love them both so much.
I wish I could just accept our relationship as is, it's a "work in progress".
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  #14  
Old 11-11-2010, 01:55 PM
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gomugirl1656 gomugirl1656 is offline
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My boyfriend and I recently discussed this very thing. He said "I want more from this relationship" I agreed with him. I had been keeping it on the DL because he had previously expressed a desire to have a mono relationship with someone who could give him kids and a sort of parent friendly life. Our relationship has grown to the point though that he is willing to sacrifice that for what we offer him in love and friendship. He's even talking about being poly oriented because he doesn't want to lose me.

So R, J and I talked and came to the conclusion that it would be great to try to live together. There are a few caveats though which make this a long drawn out process. He lives 3hrs away, has a career he's been in a long time, lives in a town he loves, has cats (i have allergies).

We own our house and have to stay in it as our primary res for another two years because of the first time home buyers credit, have dogs, are trying to get debt down so I can leave my job of 15years, and we live too close to R's parents for him to feel comfy as he is not out yet to them. So lots of stuff to deal with. None of it insurmountable we are working toward this goal but it will be a while. In the mean time we have made plans to see each other one possibly two weekends a month until then and we now vacation together. This worked out beautifully last weekend. We all had such a wonderful time.

But for us wanting more came with lots of discussion, options, and plans. If he had a wife and/or kids that would further complicate things. For now we are content. He's coming down for Thanksgiving to hang with his family and come and meet my siblings for the first time. We are pretty excited.

With open honest communication and a couple of fantastic people to be in love with we are getting the more we are looking for. It is working out so far and I have faith that it will continue to do so. However, I am not so attached to the idea of together forever or that nothing will change to not be able to let go should that time come. Of course I would be broken hearted but I would survive it. I just have to keep reminding myself to let it roll. R and I were together 8 years before the desire for more happened. Hang in there.
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  #15  
Old 11-11-2010, 02:50 PM
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gwendolenthefair gwendolenthefair is offline
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Thanks so much for posting this inspirational story, gomugirl. I had really been resigned to losing my boyfriend to a monogamous relationship, as you seemed to be, and it's so good to hear that it doesn't always have to happen.
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  #16  
Old 11-11-2010, 03:42 PM
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gomugirl1656 gomugirl1656 is offline
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Gwendolyn my dear,
You are very welcome. For me there is always hope. And if one avenue of pleasure and love doesn't work out there are plenty of people dying to be loved and accepted as they are. We are all one after all.

I am always reminded by J that the world is full of possibility. Why waste energy on the worst, when the best is just as likely and often what happens is better than we would have imagined for ourselves. He has taught me to view the world with an attitude of attentive wonder and expectation of what the world will do next. My fixation on a specific outcome is just prepaid resentment and pain. I try daily to just wait and see without judgement. no always easy for me (a control freak) but always rewarding.
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  #17  
Old 11-11-2010, 03:43 PM
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gomugirl1656 gomugirl1656 is offline
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Jodi we are sending loving thoughts of support your way. Hang in there!
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