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  #21  
Old 11-09-2010, 10:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Just so long as you're clear with everyone you're involved with about your relationship expectations and are open to hearing what theirs are it's all good. There is so much overlap and grey area with non-monogamy that the definitions from person to person about what poly is varies dramatically. As always it comes back to communicating.
Oh, I definitely agree with ALL of this.
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  #22  
Old 11-09-2010, 10:15 PM
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Well, I would argue that one CAN BE polyamorous AND a cheater ).
I agree with you on that for sure. Honesty is one of the only things I beleive everyone agrees upon with regards to what is a poly ideal. Whether or not you are poly doesn't mean you can't lie or fuck someone behind your SO's back.

The cheating person who uses it as an excuse is the type I was referring to similar to your idea.

I'm not a big fan of the casual sex aproach being considered poly but that is only because I don't want people to think that that is what people in my life do. Hence why I don't use the word anymore when explaining things to people or family.
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  #23  
Old 11-09-2010, 10:34 PM
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I am not wired for casual sex, but I am aware there are many people who are, and if they are honest with their partners, and their partners are not expecting that they will not be with anyone else (or are even similarly oriented towards casual encounters) it is their business. However, I don't really think of such encounters as polyamory - they are more about casual sex. To me polyamory involves some kind of intent to be open to the possibility of having more than one serious partner, whether all get equal attention or whether there is some kind of agreed priority among the partners. I just plain am into longterm relationships whether companionate with friends (and not sexual) or whether at the other passionate extreme (and most healthy relationships to my mind would be there for the long term with both components going on, in a varying mix over time).
However, are we dissing people who at this stage of their emotional development are into casual sex by calling polyfuckery? or is it strictly people who can't come clean about their casualness about sex that end up getting put in the polyfuckery category?
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  #24  
Old 11-09-2010, 10:49 PM
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or is it strictly people who can't come clean about their casualness about sex that end up getting put in the polyfuckery category?
If the term is seen as derogatory (and I believe it often is) then your description would be accurate I think.
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  #25  
Old 11-09-2010, 10:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Athena View Post
.... To me polyamory involves some kind of intent to be open to the possibility of having more than one serious partner ....
Agreed.

The term "polyamory" was specifically invented to serve as a shorthand for a style of relationship -- which is centrally about loving, as contrasted with just sex. Now, of course, passionate love generally (though not always) includes sex. But there is a sort of apples and oranges thing going on here. Sex, per se, is not identical with love -- while (of course) these two can go together nicely. I see no reason to muddy things up by throwing bunches of apples in with the oranges in one crate.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Athena View Post
.... However, are we dissing people who at this stage of their emotional development are into casual sex by calling polyfuckery? or is it strictly people who can't come clean about their casualness about sex that end up getting put in the polyfuckery category?
The term "polyfuckery" was likely invented in order (with some humor) to emphasize that sex isn't the same thing as love ... and folks ought not to apply the term polyamory as if this were not the case. Some folks, it seems, have been misusing, and in some ways abusing, the term "polyamory". That's all. And some folks want to defend the word from such misuse and abuse.

It's not necessary to "diss" casual sex or those who enjoy it in that conversation. But some people do, and will. But this, again, gets into apples and oranges comparisons -- when the context is in relation to polyamory.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 11-11-2010 at 05:59 PM. Reason: oranges
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  #26  
Old 11-10-2010, 03:27 AM
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Well, "polyfuckerous" doesn't have "amor" in it.
This says it all for me really... I like it and will embrace it. As much as I embrace the word "slut"... really, we can be so many things. Thanks for clarifying.
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