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Old 11-07-2010, 07:09 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,217

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post

The whole term babysitting doesn't sit right for me when it's someones kids... that is parenting, not babysitting.

I wasn't going to say anything about that, as I am child-free and this is a special pet-peeve of mine (when parents refer to taking care of their own kids as "babysitting"), but since redpepper said it already I'll just "me too" it.
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Old 11-07-2010, 11:44 PM
nativeprincess35 nativeprincess35 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 5

Originally Posted by nightwalker View Post
When my partner goes out with her new boyfriend I am told to have compersion and to be happy for them. I am very happy that they are going out to have fun and quality time together but I also feel sad when my partner doesn't want to spend time with me. I have to babysit which is ok but it means i can't distract myself when they are out. I don't believe this is jealousy as I am happy for them to go out together and willing to mind the kids while they are out.

My question is as I am having compersion for my partner and her boyfriend what are they feeling for me? Is there a positive term for what they should be feeling for those left behind to mind the fort. I have heard some people mention gratitude or appreciation for the sacrifice but is there a particularly poly term for this gratitude or appreciation of those babysitting or alone at home while their partners are out having fun?
I know it is hard for my when my partner goes out with his new girlfriend. Since we haven't exactly established what exactly is going on as for if this is truely a poly relationship or not, it seems even more insane to me. I try not to fight it and just hope he is finding what he needs. I love him enough to do that, and I try not to worry about what they are thinking or feeling about me at the time. It is their time and I let them have it.

It might be a bit easier since there are no children involved here.

Best of luck, hope you are finding the peace and support you need.
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Old 11-09-2010, 03:24 AM
dragonflysky dragonflysky is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 211

I'm typically on the end of being "left" behind because I don't live with my poly couple. I can remember one time when we were coming back from a shared camping trip. They live together so were, of course, traveling together. I lived 7 hours north and east of them and was traveling solo. As we parted ways I started thinking about how it would feel to be the one sitting next to our guy in the truck and going home with him and her being in my position, e.g. going home alone. I had this instant feeling that I would feel sad....like a part of "us" was missing and that I'd wish she was with us, too. I don't know how they felt. I never asked.

I find I most often get jealous when I don't have the kind of time with our guy....or with my couple....that I'd like. And since they live together I do get jealous of the easy access they have to one another. I find myself getting jealous when they do something together that I'd like to be doing with our guy, e.g. riding motorcyle. I remind myself it's ok to be happy for them...to wish them the best of times...and sad or disappointed for myself.

She sometimes works all weekend...straight through Fri. and Sat. nights for 48 hours. He and I...and sometimes her 9 year old son...make it a point to go visit her at work and take dinner or a snack to her. We sometimes stay and eat with her. And when I was driving by where she works on my way to see our guy the other night, I phoned to ask if there was anything she wanted or needed since I would be coming through the area and would be happy to drop something off for her. She said there wasn't, but she was very pleased that I had thought of her.

Last edited by dragonflysky; 11-09-2010 at 03:34 AM.
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