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  #31  
Old 10-27-2010, 11:58 PM
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So I've not posted in a while, mainly because I've been dealing with my own stresses and every time I've sat down to write I've found the words not coming...

But I've got to get it down quick while I feel the motivation. Ive not a lot to report Mr. A and TP are great, my friendship with Mr. A is growing and TP was right in her blog about the comfort level rising...one instance I recall is Mr. A leaving after our usual Thursday evening and gave TP a hug to my surprise I blurted out "oh just give the girl a kiss!" so apparently my comfort level comes up in spurts.

That being said it's one month to the day for the wedding. TP had said " who the he'll invites their boyfriend (Mr.A) to their wedding?" and frankly I want him there; he's important to her and a friend of mine and I would feel bad if he wasn't there since I know he's still battling the other man feelings, but I don't have friends that come over every week and I woudn't be as welcoming and giving (read TP's blog for a list of my self sacrifices) nor would I give up my Chicken Cheddar Ale Soup leftovers to just anyone...he's a bachelor hah he doesn't even own a kettle...or vegetables.

I came out to my oldest and closest friend, he was increibly accepting and honoured; he's in California and I'm in Ontario but as he said me coming out to him went a long way to reaffirming a trust and closeness between us. This is the guy that found out I was getting married and said 'when and where do I need to be?', even almost dipped into next year's vacation (he works for Google so he can do things like that). It was one of those moments that made my week.

The bookend, sort of, to that is that one of the women I had started chatting with...still trying POF but not too hard, it was stressing me out to be so intensely looking for an OSO and ruining my chances...so this women was told about TP and she took the 'not able to get over monogamy' route which was disappointing but the bookend....to this bookend...is that the other woman was told and totally accepting...we've not talked much but I like to think it will develop well; even though the other woman, LS gave up on me because she couldn't reconcile the nonmonogamy.

I've got a good feeling about how things are going, I don't need to force the OSO search as I've become comfortable with myself and just doing things in my own gait....TPs been good to let me proceed at my own pace, I'm always saying I play the long game and let things work at their own speed, and I've for the patience for that because the status quo is pretty all right.
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Polyamory is wrong! It's Multiamory or Polyphilia. Mixing Greek and Latin roots? That's wrong.
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  #32  
Old 11-07-2010, 09:54 PM
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Well I've had some revelations, some poly, some personal...I've been reticent to vocalize these mainly due to a lack of motivation to post and a decided lack of ability to put down these in any coherent way....so here goes...

TP's sense of serenity has benefited me in numerous ways....obviously she's not snapping or reacting angrily, but it's been great to see her happy. We've been less sexually intimate but physically we are closer than we've been in a while; we're making it work.

As for me and poly I came to a couple realizations; first I can take it or leave it...poly that is. Exclusive of wanting to be in a poly relationship, I guess to be comfortable and stop worrying about getting another relationship...I was forcing it, and I realize that I've fallen ass backwards into any relationship I've been in....dammit! Why did they let Michael Vick back in the NFL?? he's killing Indy's secondary! I guess I'm comfortable with myself and where I am is that right now I need to just stop worrying about trying to find an OSO and enjoy what I have because I can... If it happens it happens, if not I can deal...

I've come out to my closest friend and I've come out to a friend from high school and it went over well; I still don't think I am able to come out to my family but that will be with time I am sure. For now I just look casually for an OSO and enjoy the heightened physical intimacy...things are ok.
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Polyamory is wrong! It's Multiamory or Polyphilia. Mixing Greek and Latin roots? That's wrong.
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  #33  
Old 11-07-2010, 10:01 PM
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Thanks for the update You're perspective and experience as you move towards your wedding and open up to people is unique my friend. Very happy for you both!
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  #34  
Old 11-07-2010, 11:07 PM
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I'm glad you were able to sort through that. I'm with you. Well, once I find a solid primary relationship, I believe I will be able to take or leave multipartners ... I hope.

Many positive vibes coming your way~~~~~
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  #35  
Old 11-07-2010, 11:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eklctc View Post
I'm glad you were able to sort through that. I'm with you. Well, once I find a solid primary relationship, I believe I will be able to take or leave multipartners ... I hope.

Many positive vibes coming your way~~~~~
That seems (to me) to be an odd thing to say. Would you mind elaborating?
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  #36  
Old 11-08-2010, 02:39 PM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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@truckerpete- I don't mind at all but I'll send you a message since my response to your response really has nothing to do with Indigo's thread.

I hope everyone has a great day!
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  #37  
Old 11-29-2010, 12:14 AM
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Indigomontoya Indigomontoya is offline
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Well it finally happened...I'm someone's husband... It was an amazing evening...Mr. A was there, he didn't feel it would be appropriate to sit next to TP so he sat one person over...and I wouldn't have had it any other way...he means a lot to her, and he's a good friend..so to have him there even as a 'friend' of TP's was great....the man loves a wedding apparently.

I suppose it gave me a pang or two of guilt once I was able to think of it after the fact that it diminishes his role in her life and in mine because I'm worried about how my family will react...it seems trivial at times the distinction of it...I live my life how I choose...my family doesn't ask my gay brother what it's like to suck dick (pardon the crudeness) why should I worry they will think less of me for how I live my life (they don't think less of him, just a parallel to private lifestyles)...and sometimes it seems a mountain sized issue...and part of it is that I worry they will think less of my wife (still odd to say TP) for having a boyfriend when I don't have an OSO....like she's pushed me into this or she's some kind of slut, etc. all the usual societal mores objections...

I can't reconcile the two sides to come to a course of action or make it so that the guilt goes away. I suppose I need to let Mr. A know that he is a valued part of my life as much as TPs...gets her the hell out of my hair for a while some days but I suppose I am getting used to the solitude of TP being out...I've not been looking on POF or elsewhere really at all recently for potentials for a month or more. Just have no interest in really trying...I would definitely not stop looking completely but rejections are exponentially worse each time...and it's the same story...women don't share well...

To end on a happy note, TP was feeling bad because I was going to have dinner with my best man tonight and she was going to see Mr. A...but my best man (who's up from California for the wedding) was spending time with family instead...can't fault him...love his family they are mum and dad set #2 and he's crashed at our place 2 nights in a row and spent a load of money on me and TP at my bachelor party...strippers are expensive at the strip club...but TP and I enjoyed it...So I've worked out a new way to let TP know I am good with things...I've decided to instead of saying "it's okay." to just let her know my needs are met...and then there's the good Mr. A, money's tight for him, so he's decided to 'Do nice things' for us instead of buying us a gift...which makes me feel good...why do new husbands spin their wedding rings on their fingers?...they are desperately trying to find the combination.....Take my wife please! etc etc etc
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Polyamory is wrong! It's Multiamory or Polyphilia. Mixing Greek and Latin roots? That's wrong.

Last edited by Indigomontoya; 11-29-2010 at 12:22 AM.
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  #38  
Old 11-29-2010, 12:29 AM
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You don't know me, but I have read many of your and TP's posts since coming to this forum and followed your story with curiosity and awe. Edit: And admiration.

Just wanted to say Congratulations on your happy day!
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 11-29-2010 at 01:01 AM.
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  #39  
Old 11-29-2010, 12:36 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Congrats, Indigo & TP! Unfortunately, the point you made about women not sharing well tends to be so true, many times, at the denial of most said women. smh...I'm sure you will eventually run across another special woman to expand your family with. Until then, I'm sure, you will continue to enjoy every moment you create in your journey. *hugs*
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  #40  
Old 12-09-2010, 06:58 PM
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Indigomontoya Indigomontoya is offline
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Default Am I a coward?

Am I coward?...I think I might be...I have been thinking about it for days now...really a little bit since the wedding, and my anger over making one of my guests (Mr. A) uncomfortable because he couldn't really tell how he knew us.

I've always been afraid of rejection, ALWAYS. It's kept me from acting...ask TP she had to ask me out after 2+ weeks of talking on msn before our first date because I was too afraid she would say no, or go out with me and then reject me...in High School, in University...I hesitate because I fear rejection...now that fear has manifested itself in a fear to tell my family about the whole shebang that is my Poly lifestyle. It's a total fear of my family reacting badly...but it's not like there's overwhelming evidence that they would, it's just the fear of the unknown....and it's that fear that has affected my life for a while...it's fed my shyness (which I have overcome) it's fed my worries...it's made me a coward when it comes to my life...I talk a good talk about it being my life and if you don't like it, you don't have to live it or be a part of it...but it's not true. I really am a coward when it comes to the unknown.
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