That 'initial' poly discussion

[GroundedSpirit]

Originally Posted by Ready2Fly

Monogamy is so strongly programmed and anything different so strongly condemned in culture that I think it's unrealistic to have "the talk" with anyone you're seriously monogamously dating and expect a positive result. ........................
.............I tried having mono relationships after college, but they were not for me, and "the talk," no matter how it was approached, was death to what should have been serious relationships.

Hey Ready,

Ahhhh, yes, interesting point.
I think there is a big difference between staring off in a relationship and the "talk" that would need to occur and being in an existing relationship that was (theoretically) founded in monogamy.

So in effect, it seems we have two "talks" that although similar, are going to have different sensitivities.

I would think that when starting a new relationship, if the 'talk' scared someone away, then it may be best, before anyone had invested any significant amout of time & energy into a dead end path. And who knows, once the seed of illumination is planted, the other party may be inclined to do some studying themselves and the future may be different.

But if you signed on to a mono relationship, only later to discover poly, now we have a very different 'talk'. How to bring up the subject without it appearing to convey some dissatisfaction or failing in the other party.

And it's not always that way at all ! Poly can be discovered even in a relationship that is really good ! But something just feels 'right' and beckons for exploration. Yes..........a very different conversation indeed

I might think it would start most gracefully in a manner such as...........

"Hey honey - guess (or look at) what I was just reading today ! " (hopefully in some reputable source - not some trash mag). "Check this out ! What do you think of this ?"

Because for many I think this is pretty close to discovery reality. Came across it in some media/book reference. Sparked a curiosity. Maybe came across someone they new that either came (or slipped) out.
Damn.........this wording is getting kind of lewd isn't it..........

Anyway........

Different "talks". But I feel all can be approached in a non-threatening manner if you think a little beforehand.

Keep em coming

GS