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  #11  
Old 11-06-2010, 05:42 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Originally Posted by Fidelia View Post
You say she is cheating. Those who cheat with you will also cheat on you.
This.

And my friend back home who left her hubby last year wonders why we don't trust the New Guy...the one who left his own wife for her...

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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Fidelia, I think I am in love with you.... HAHAHA!!! I love it!
This too.
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  #12  
Old 11-07-2010, 02:29 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Fidelia, I think I am in love with you.... HAHAHA!!! I love it!
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Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
This too.
Grrrrrrrr . . . Oh, yeah, baby! How does one girl get this lucky?
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  #13  
Old 11-07-2010, 04:02 PM
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Originally Posted by jokutus View Post
I am going to talk to her today about it..
How did it go, jokutus?
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  #14  
Old 11-08-2010, 09:19 AM
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*** WARNING - LONG ***

Well, it was an emotionally exhausting evening. I knew it was going to be a disaster when she forgot that we were supposed to have lunch and attempted to shift the blame to me. I let this go because I had a really bad week (I am selling my house, had the deal all worked out and then the buyer gets laid off) and so did she (she has the manager from hell and she got chewed out for nothing). Eventually, we met up for dinner.

At dinner, we started discussing what our expectations were out of our relationship. After some long periods of silence, (I think we both were still mildly pissed at each other and the weeks past events) she made some comment about how she has "always been poly" and I asked her what that meant to her. She, of course, related it to sex. When I asked her about the communication / honesty components - she had no idea what I was talking about. At this point, the check came and I thought the conversation was going in an "educational" direction - so we decided to go over to a quiet wine bar I know and keep talking. Since it seemed silly to take 2 cars, she said she wanted to drive and I agreed, so I left my car at my office and we went. (this will be an important detail later)

It wasn't the greatest of choices. Wine and I normally don't have issues - but for some reason, I started getting a slight buzz. At one point I remarked "I think your purposely trying to get me drunk" to her reply "cause your talking to much and I really want to fuck you"... I asked her if that is all she wanted out of this relationship and I think that caught her off guard. She gave me a slight puzzled / slight pissed off look.

We continued to talk and she was still under the impression that being poly was just about fucking around, so I knew I wasn't getting anywhere with her. We then agreed to go to a different bar, because we both like to dance and I really felt like blowing off some steam - so instead of killing the date right then and there, I figured might as well finish the night..

This is where I start seeing her for the person she really is. At this bar, she starts knocking back drink after drink and she is all over anything that moves, including me. This killed my night, because I realized that she was only interested in me for sex - and not anything else.

Now - I will summarize the lessons I learned at the end - but this is a major one ** I will drive everywhere from now on when on a date ** She drove, and she didn't want to leave. Stuck at bar with horny emotionally unstable woman is not a good way to end the evening.

At this point, I enabled emergency plan ** get me the fuck outta here ** and told her I had to check my messages. I noticed I had gotten a txt from E (my wife) asking how the night was going. I told E it was an utter disaster and I needed her to call my VM and give me a way out. She did so now I had an excuse to leave.

I went back on the dance floor and found her grinding some other guy, and pulled her over to the side. I said I had to go and that she didn't have to leave, I was just going to grab a cab and head back to the office. She wasn't going to have it, and insisted on driving me back to my car. Instead of arguing and making a scene, I complied so we left.

Ok, so walking back to the parking deck was an adventure. She started telling me about how the guys she normally goes out with always have excuses and she always takes a back seat to their wives... "WAIT WHAT?"
Apparently, she looks for married guys... She kept crying saying how she always hated being second to everything and that all people ever wanted from her was sex.

I looked at her and said the solution was obvious - "stop cheating". At that point, she started saying how easy it was for me to say that and that she didn't believe me that my wife really needed me. I played the voice mail and that set her off. She started saying that I was getting a raw deal because my wife could have all these boyfriends and I couldn't even have one Saturday night out. I told her that wasn't the case.

We got back to my car (finally) and she confessed to me that she had been abused. I felt really bad for her, so I let her cry on my shoulder for 3 hours. I told her that what she needed more out of me was a friendship more than a romantic / sexual relationship. She gave me a puzzled look, saying that she never received the "lets just be friends" talk. I realized that is exactly what I gave her (which was weird because I am always on the receiving end of the talk, and never gave it before). We ended the night and I drove home..

The next morning (Sunday) I got this text message "Thanks for yesterday and being honest about what ya want. I'm rethinking a lot of things and appreciated your input"

Lessons Learned:

** Drive Everywhere
** Listen to the little voice in your head - mine kept screaming "Don't stick your dick in crazy, don't stick your dick in crazy"
** Honesty is always the best policy
** Sometimes people just need a shoulder to cry on and not a body in the bed

I really hope some of the things I said stuck in her head. Maybe they will, maybe they won't - but at least I may have helped someone. If I was a believer in karma, maybe I got some positive points - but perhaps I made her look at things a little different.
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  #15  
Old 11-08-2010, 04:07 PM
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Oh myyy... Hahaha! "Don't stick your dick in crazy," "don't stick your dick in crazy" hilarious!

Seriously though, its not an uncommon thing for women to go out a fucking instead of getting therapy for the abuse issues they have. Its not really connected bonding, deeping a relationship , but for sport. That's fun, but if you thought you were building a relationship with this woman, you were mistaken I think. Cheating aside, which for me would be a deal breaker, it might be an idea to figure out what you want from a relationship outside of your wife. Do you want poly? Or polyfuckery? (to use a term I just started a thread on) which isn't poly, just bastardizing the word if you ask me.

It sounds like you want more than this woman can offer.
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  #16  
Old 11-08-2010, 07:55 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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"Don't stick your dick in crazy." That is deep wisdom, BrotherMan, a pearl of great price.

Seriously, though, I'm glad you lived to tell the tale. Sounds like you gained some valuable lessons; sorry you had to enroll in the School of Hard Knocks to get them.

From your description, your ex-gf does indeed sound to me like she was abused, my guess is sexually, and probably as a child. The symptoms match the behavior you describe. She really is more to be pitied than censured. I hope she gets the help she needs to heal and become a whole and healthy person. I hope that as her friend you will point her in that direction. Ultimately, though, it's a process she will have to choose and make happen for herself.

I wish her good luck and godspeed on her journey to health and happiness.

To you I wish better luck next time.

Pretty clever having your wife leave that VM to cover your exit. I would've just had Fidelio come pick me up, but hey, whatever works.
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  #17  
Old 11-08-2010, 10:54 PM
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The only thing I have to add is why were either of you driving anywhere Sounds to me as though you both had quite the buzz on. I'm glad that neither you nor her got into an accident!
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  #18  
Old 11-08-2010, 11:09 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
The only thing I have to add is why were either of you driving anywhere Sounds to me as though you both had quite the buzz on. I'm glad that neither you nor her got into an accident!

I thought of that too but I wasn't going to say anything.
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  #19  
Old 11-08-2010, 11:44 PM
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I stopped drinking at the Wine bar well over 5 hours prior (thankfully my intellect won out over my libido)

I stalled for while we walked around the parking garage in order for her to sober up. It apparently worked (walking around for an hour in the cold night air seemed to do the trick). When she dropped me off, we talked for an additional 3 hours and I continued to ask her if she was ok to drive.

I know I was stupid and I normally don't get myself into situations like that. I know the night could have turned out very very badly, luckily it didn't. More lessons learned...
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