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Old 11-04-2010, 06:14 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,433
Default Your source of insecurity/jealousy

There was a thread about "how do you deal with insecurity?".
I thought I would create a thread about the "opposite": what causes the insecurity for you?

What's the basis behind your rules? What's making you feel safe, and why? I'm interested in knowing what is a big deal for other people.

As for me, what's bad is being left out. I would be comfortable with a big number of things if I can feel part of it. What hurts me is being lied to, having things hidden from me, and rarely if ever the things that were hidden from me themselves.

For instance, when Ian liked J, I took part in the courting, and I was very happy about it all. Had he insisted on leaving me out of it, I would have felt terrible about it.
I want to be kept informed of what happens and get an input. Just being told things makes me feel respected even if I have no influence on them. But it's even better if I'm asked for my opinion and feelings, then I feel truly important to my partners.

Insecurity would be caused by the fact I don't know what is going on. I think it all has to do with control, I like being in control, being prepared, and if I don't know what is going on at all, I just freak out.

What about you? What's most important to you?
Me: 31F, straight
Seamus: My husband, 32M, straight
Dragon: My boyfriend, 29M, pansexual, married to Fox
Fox: My boyfriend, 29M, homoflexible, married to Dragon
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