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Old 11-04-2010, 03:24 AM
phantazmagoria's Avatar
phantazmagoria phantazmagoria is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 44
Default What happens when rules are broken?

Hello. My husband and I are very new to the poly world. A couple of weeks ago, we invited a woman to join us and developed a poly status. We were happy, things were going right, up until this weekend.

We both broken our 2 very important rules.

Mine was communication. I was feeling very distant and withdrew away from them. As a result, I felt left out, which just got worse and worse until I had made myself sick. I am not a jealous person, but in this state, I found myself feeling very jealous and very upset. I mentioned a few minor things to my husband, but never said anything to her. My mistake was thinking that the communication I needed to have was only with him, but it is also with the Third. I hid all of the upset feelings I had from her.

His mistake was playing without me. Our rule from the beginning was to play together, to enjoy together. After a drunken night and when I was in the shower, he slipped it in. One thing led to another, and before too long, it was too late to take it back. She was too drunk to remember, he confessed to me. I feel cheated on.

I know our marriage will be okay in time. I will have trust issues for a while. I will be sad for a while.

My reason for writing is to ask what to do now, after these two rules have been broken? I don't want to end things with her, I want to save that relationship somehow. I have told her already that we need to take a break.

What happens in a poly relationship when the trust gets broken? Is it over? How do you fix?

I appreciate your opinions/advice. Thanks.
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