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  #41  
Old 11-02-2010, 04:23 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Thanks, guys. Reassuring to know my thoughts aren't just going into the ether.
Just focus on what is real right now, TP. Two men love you, you're getting married, everyone is doing well within those that really need to know. Give the rest time
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  #42  
Old 11-02-2010, 04:24 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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But that triggered something. Something I couldn't figure out at first. Then I got it. I feel like some sort of dirty secret. In four months, I've never met his work friends. I've met one other friend. His parents don't even know he has a girlfriend. (And he doesn't need to even mention poly to them, as previously agreed on by the three of us.)
*hugs* tp. This is a crappy feeling. I think this comes up with everyone. The time when "coming out" feels like it shoudl be something, but then the reality hits, what, when, how and to who etc.
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  #43  
Old 11-02-2010, 04:41 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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*hugs* tp. This is a crappy feeling. I think this comes up with everyone. The time when "coming out" feels like it shoudl be something, but then the reality hits, what, when, how and to who etc.
I should mention that his work friends know the particulars of our situation. This really is a "typical" relationship problem, only compounded by the poly fact.

I do believe I am projecting poly insecurities onto it, though there is a problem there with my need to feel a larger part of his life not being met. But he has to work through his issues.

@Mono, you're absolutely right. I've got love and respect and awesomeness all around me. Living in the now is something that is very hard for me to do. That's a work in progress.
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  #44  
Old 11-02-2010, 05:15 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Hugs from me, as well!

Marriages can be a real stress factor. Ours wasn't stressful because of the money (we got the perfect wedding, exactly how we wanted it, for 500 bucks tops. But we hate the fancy stuff, so we just went to a restaurant and then bowling, playing pool and arcade games) but in our case everyone was calling us a few days before the wedding asking us to book hotels for them.
What the hell? Not only did we inform everyone 6 months early at the latest, but we're not booking agents! They were all adults and, on top of that, who knows what hotels are good in the place where they live? I've never needed to stay at a hotel in Paris, they would have been better off asking friends!

Anyways, the stress was pretty bad right before the wedding, but it all vanished on the day itself, and it was a fantastic day. I'm sure yours will be equally enjoyable for you, TP

As for being a dirty little secret, I can certainly understand why you'd feel bad about it. I hate having to "hide" Sean to so many people, but Raga isn't ready to let his family or most of his friends and coworkers know about it yet... And well, since I'm an expat, that's the people I deal with. Every time I have to stop myself from mentioning him I feel a bit bad, because I would want to show him off to everyone!
In our case, Raga thinks it would be best if he had someone too when we announce it, because he's afraid... well, I guess he's afraid people will have a bad opinion of me otherwise... and perhaps of him for letting me.

Sean is going to spend the holidays with us, so I'm very curious how that's going to develop! Especially since Raga's parents are giving Sean and me a ride to the airport when he leaves... I can't imagine not being able to kiss him bye when I don't know how much longer it will be before I see him again!

...Not trying to hijack your blog here, TP, just saying I think I can relate to the way you feel to some extent. You've got all of my support!
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  #45  
Old 11-02-2010, 06:00 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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...Not trying to hijack your blog here, TP, just saying I think I can relate to the way you feel to some extent. You've got all of my support!
Not hijacking. I love hearing from people.

I think we won't ever get to come out to Indigo's parents until he has someone special, too.

I do feel weird at times, as though I'm some sort of slut for having TWO men. I worry what people might think of Indigo for "allowing" me to do this.

On a happier note, I got to go home from work, I had a run, and now I'm eating soup while working. Going to reward myself with a scrumptious bubblebath when the day is done!!
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  #46  
Old 11-02-2010, 07:16 PM
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Indigomontoya Indigomontoya is offline
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In our case, Raga thinks it would be best if he had someone too when we announce it, because he's afraid... well, I guess he's afraid people will have a bad opinion of me otherwise... and perhaps of him for letting me
This really does hit the nail on the head of how I feel. I've made a mental list of coming out to people and prioritized it based on how I think they will react and if I want/need them to know....I'm a list maker by personality and profession....I've come out to the two closest people in my life (next to you my darling) and both reactions were good. One being a Research Chemist had a lot of straightforward, empirically based questions; the other more just talked about how much it meant to him to have me tell him (I've known him for 20 years and we've been like brothers since day one) but he knew what Poly was when I told him, I had to explain it to the Chemist. I am reticent to tell my family because I don't want them to jump to conclusions or judge TP or myself. I know I will come out to them but when I can accurately judge that I don't feel I need to justify myself and the life TP and I lead to them.

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Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
I think we won't ever get to come out to Indigo's parents until he has someone special, too.

I do feel weird at times, as though I'm some sort of slut for having TWO men. I worry what people might think of Indigo for "allowing" me to do this.
Perish the thought my love, you're only a slut in the best possible ways. My concern is for how the reactions of people will make you feel not how they see you. If you recall when you came out to your father, a lot of his questions seemed to make the assumption that I had pushed you into Poly not that it was a mutual, well discussed decision; I know how that made me feel, thinking your father thought I was this guy forcing something on his daughter (it was a dramatic reaction, I know) and I don't want you to feel that.

As long as we know where we stand, the path is always clear. And with you my love.
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  #47  
Old 11-02-2010, 07:35 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Perish the thought my love, you're only a slut in the best possible ways.
Can we work that into the vows?
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  #48  
Old 11-02-2010, 10:57 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post

Anyone out there reading this ... well, I could use some hugs.
hugs..and more hugs..and more...but no kissing or groping
I agree with Mono about the first part...not convinced I can support the second part though.
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  #49  
Old 11-02-2010, 11:30 PM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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...and many many more hugs ({})

You know, weddings don't Have to deplete your nest egg but I understand many people have a particular image of the wedding they want for themselves and what will make them happy so that is cool. I, for one, do want to have a commitment ceremony with someone or a few people one day (not looking like that's close to fruition in any way though). I want it to be simple with me, them, someone to unite us, and our two witnesses (which will be a friend-girl of mine and her husband who will also serve as the photography (friend-girl) since she does it on the side) on an island at the water somewhere. I'm thinking probably Jamaica since my adoptive father is from there and it won't cost a lot to get us there with his connections. I will pay for the round-trip flights for all parties but my friend-girl and her husband will have to take care of their room, meal, entertainment expenses. The attire will be inexpensive- most likely crepe, georgette, or batiste fabric- perfect for light, flowy items and rolling around in the sand having sex. Lastly, our rings will consist of the Egyptian Infinity symbol being tattooed around our finger of choice. *clapping with excitement just thinking about it*

Enjoy your run. *hugs*
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  #50  
Old 11-04-2010, 02:48 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Thank you for the support, everyone! I jogged, got work done, and talked with both guys. It really helped me.

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Originally Posted by eklctc View Post
...and many many more hugs ({})

You know, weddings don't Have to deplete your nest egg but I understand many people have a particular image of the wedding they want for themselves and what will make them happy so that is cool. I, for one, do want to have a commitment ceremony with someone or a few people one day (not looking like that's close to fruition in any way though). I want it to be simple with me, them, someone to unite us, and our two witnesses (which will be a friend-girl of mine and her husband who will also serve as the photography (friend-girl) since she does it on the side) on an island at the water somewhere. I'm thinking probably Jamaica since my adoptive father is from there and it won't cost a lot to get us there with his connections. I will pay for the round-trip flights for all parties but my friend-girl and her husband will have to take care of their room, meal, entertainment expenses. The attire will be inexpensive- most likely crepe, georgette, or batiste fabric- perfect for light, flowy items and rolling around in the sand having sex. Lastly, our rings will consist of the Egyptian Infinity symbol being tattooed around our finger of choice. *clapping with excitement just thinking about it*

Enjoy your run. *hugs*
Our wedding is not that big ... less than $5000. But it's still painful to watch that money spent. Spending money is a source of anxiety for me, especially when it's spent on me.
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