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  #11  
Old 10-23-2010, 04:24 AM
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bimblynim bimblynim is offline
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hey

I lost my virginity in a threesome but it was a VERY different situation to yours. It was a drunken casual sex encounter with a girl i hit it off with at a student party and her boyfriend who i thought was cute. none of us thought through the emotional consequences, at the time all i knew was that they consequently spilt and never spoke to me again bad times, tbh that upset me a lot more than the unspectacular sex(and reinforced asexy path I walked between then and finding out bout poly). I think I value sex alot less than many, i slept with them because i was curious and atracted and tbh for me it felt like less pressure, but chances are i'd have lost my virginity to a stranger in any event because of my level of dev at time (i'm a bit slow ) I'm glad you're more considered than I was, you say you have some issues arround sex imo all the more reason to take it slow, though also want to say that you're very unlikely to be alone in whatever issue, despite how it feels. I also wondered if you find her sexually atractive? or is most of the sexy energy with him? IMO a threesome would only be a good idea if you think it would be comfortable.

Peace and love

Nim
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  #12  
Old 10-23-2010, 05:59 AM
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Thanks for sharing, Nim. I figured there had to be someone out there who'd done it. I am unsure of my attraction to her. A few things going on there. For one, she and I are not super comfortable. We get along well, have decent conversation but we've never really clicked in a deeper way. And I've never really felt much energy between her and I. I did however, once have a very intense sexual fantasy involving her. Well, it was just her. But other than that I can't say I feel much. Maybe just cuz she makes me nervous? Who knows... But for whatever reason, I feel like I should be attracted to her. I'm way more interested in just having sex with him. Which we can't right now, because she's not comfortable with that at this point.
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  #13  
Old 10-23-2010, 06:08 AM
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Yeah I'm in the no camp as well...I'm way more comfortable in a threesome now, but it didn't start that way. I wasn't comfy telling them what I wanted and some of my biggest insecurities would come out full force in those sack sessions. There was one morning where B unintentionally wasn't kissing me but was kissing H and I just straight flipped out. It was bad. Sounds like you know what you want though...those are just my thoughts.
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  #14  
Old 10-23-2010, 06:31 AM
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threesome sex and twosome sex is just vastly different in so many ways. I think that either would be fine as a first time, as long as there is the understanding that you are still a virgin to the other way. I was a virgin to threesome sex when I was much older.... some are virgins to twosome sex until later also. nothing wrong with either as long as everyone is comfy, in control of themselves and being respectful and communicating honestly with everyone.
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  #15  
Old 10-23-2010, 09:16 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I wouldn't have sex in a threesome with a virgin if that was with him and another of my partners. Too much risk of him feeling like a third wheel. Plus if it's his first time, I'd want to devote all my attention to him.
For that matter, I wouldn't have sex with a new partner as a threesome for the first time in that configuration, either.

However, if the virgin loves two people, me and someone else, then sure. I can totally get not wanting to pick just one of the two people he loves for his first time. That would seem only fair. I'd discuss it before hand with the other partner.

Mmh, just thinking about it, I could see having sex with an existing partner in front of a new, virgin one, if they so wanted. And then I could imagine saying he's allowed to join. So I guess I wasn't quite right about my first option...
Still, for myself, I'd like my first time with someone to be with just them, and not with another of my partners as well (new or old). I'd be fine with "sharing" that moment with another partner of theirs. Wouldn't want to put him in the situation of having to choose who gets to be "his first one".
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  #16  
Old 10-25-2010, 01:39 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ray View Post
Thanks for sharing, Nim. I figured there had to be someone out there who'd done it. I am unsure of my attraction to her. A few things going on there. For one, she and I are not super comfortable. We get along well, have decent conversation but we've never really clicked in a deeper way. And I've never really felt much energy between her and I. I did however, once have a very intense sexual fantasy involving her. Well, it was just her. But other than that I can't say I feel much. Maybe just cuz she makes me nervous? Who knows... But for whatever reason, I feel like I should be attracted to her. I'm way more interested in just having sex with him. Which we can't right now, because she's not comfortable with that at this point.
If you and she aren't comfy yet, then sex is a bad idea. It would be a bad idea regardless of your virgin status.

From my experience, if she is not comfortable with you and he having sex, then watching you two could be even worse.

You are smart to wait. Trust me, there will never be a shortage of people to sleep with, if they don't end up being the ones!
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  #17  
Old 10-25-2010, 04:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
From my experience, if she is not comfortable with you and he having sex, then watching you two could be even worse.
TP, I never thought of it that way. But that is an excellent point. I'm not sure why that seems to be a common thought process that "well, I'm not okay with them having sex alone, but we can all have a threesome." It is natural that if you're not ok w/ them having it, then watching would really hard as well. This thread has been helpful in sorting my thoughts. There's just no upside to pushing yourself into sexual situations you don't want 100%. Maybe when there's less pressure perhaps she and I might develop something. But it's ok if we don't too, I guess.
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  #18  
Old 10-27-2010, 09:26 AM
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geminigirl geminigirl is offline
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Someone close to me had a threesome as a first time experience and it was great. If someone makes a conscious choice (as they did) to have an experience and everyone is on the same page there's no reason why it would be strange or unpleasant.

Part of the reason why we're all talking here is that many of us are people who think outside the box anyway, regarding what is natural in relationships and sex. Try to make every sexual experience a consciously chosen one and you'll be fine, no matter who you do it with.
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  #19  
Old 11-02-2010, 01:58 AM
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GG almost lost his virginity in a 3some with me and my at that time gf. I think it would have been awesome. He was afraid to join in-so it didn't happen. But all of these years later (15?16?) I still think it would have been amazing and a wonderful memory to behold.

That said-I'd be hardpressed to start there with just anyone. The three of us were best friends already.

It ended up that he lost his virginity only to me, and here we are a couple and still best friends.
If it had been the three of us-I daresay-we'd be a triad and best friends.

OF COURSE there are the "why did you and she break up".
The primary reason was that she was going away to college and I am a sex fiend.
Had we been a triad-I would have still been getting some. I frankly-honestly think that if it had been a triad-we'd have stayed together.
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