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  #91  
Old 08-30-2010, 12:09 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Funny enough, we are "out" to our own kids. (18 and 13) yet don't really mention anything around our OSO's kids. This is out of respect for our OSO's. They don't wish to open up to their kids, yet all their neighbors know about the four of us. ??? Funny how that works isn't it? LOL So we are KINDA open in THEIR circles, but in our own, we are almost COMPLETELY open. Havent told any of our parents yet....No idea if we ever will either.

It'll be kinda weird when L and I renew our vows for our 20th anniversary (which is Jan 16 2011). We are doing this on July 16th 2011. I am asking S to be my best man, and L is asking D to be her maid of honor (is that the right term?) Anyway, we are doing our own vows this time around, and I'm pretty sure that we are going to try to keep anything about "forsake all others" and/or "only each other" and/or "monogamously" out of them. LOL We will likley not be including S &D in our vows....Unless something changes drastically between now and then. (This is possible, but not likely )
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  #92  
Old 10-25-2010, 10:31 PM
EywaUK EywaUK is offline
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Default Telling family & friends

I'm just wondering what other peoples experiences have been of "coming out" to famillies etc about unconventional relationships.

My two partners and I have been together for probably about 18 months now. As time goes on though its becoming more and more difficult to be "a couple & their best friend who lives with them" which is how we've engineered things for our families until now.

All three of us have started to experience some uncomfortable questions about the closeness of our 'friendship'. For example, "Oh, G***'s bed always look perfect, almost as if its not been slept in" lol. Its got to the extent now that two of us now have been told by family members that something might be going on behind the others back!! (we struggled not to giggle at that one! lol)

All three of us are out to our famillies as being gay which has never been an issue, and we dont want to lie to them really but we just dont know whether its wise to come clean about our triple relationship or not. Have other people in threesome relationships "come out" to family??
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  #93  
Old 10-26-2010, 12:15 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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We were in a similar situation to you about a year ago in that everyone around us was making comments and wondering what was going on... then we came out to protect Mono and my boy. All is in this thread, if you are interested. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...ight=redpepper
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  #94  
Old 10-26-2010, 01:09 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EywaUK View Post
I'm just wondering what other peoples experiences have been of "coming out" to famillies etc about unconventional relationships.

My two partners and I have been together for probably about 18 months now. As time goes on though its becoming more and more difficult to be "a couple & their best friend who lives with them" which is how we've engineered things for our families until now.

All three of us have started to experience some uncomfortable questions about the closeness of our 'friendship'. For example, "Oh, G***'s bed always look perfect, almost as if its not been slept in" lol. Its got to the extent now that two of us now have been told by family members that something might be going on behind the others back!! (we struggled not to giggle at that one! lol)

All three of us are out to our famillies as being gay which has never been an issue, and we dont want to lie to them really but we just dont know whether its wise to come clean about our triple relationship or not. Have other people in threesome relationships "come out" to family??
My wife and I adopted a saying: "Those that matter most, won't care. Those that care, don't matter."

So basically, if they pitch a fit, let them go off and do their own thing. Simply put, don'ty associate with them as much. MOST family and friends, will, however, not be bothered by this. They will most likely see it as another transformation of your already "different" relationship.

When my wife came out to her mom, she though her mom would go berzerk. But in reality, her mom accepted it and said "I thought there was something a little different about you guy's relationship with S & D. Good for you!"

So don't be afraid of coming out. Embrace it and enjoy it.
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  #95  
Old 10-26-2010, 02:22 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mellsey View Post
I.............. He won't understand or agree with the lifestyle we have. My job won't suffer, but his view towards me could change.
Hey Mellsey,

I'm very much a proponent of complete separation between job/profession and personal life. The two can easily conflict in the vast majority of situations.

And if his 'view' towards you changes, of course your job could suffer ! A good working relationship is just like any other 'good' relationship ! It depends on a certain degree of mutual respect and team play.

I see no reason why you can't just let it go as "normal personal struggles" (we all have them) as far as boss is concerned and if he trys to pry more just explain you don't really feel it's right to share personal stuff with work. He should get the message.

GS
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  #96  
Old 11-02-2010, 01:08 AM
mj511729 mj511729 is offline
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My wife's boyfriend has been living with us for over 2 years now. None of our family knows about the relationship, or heck, even that there's anyone else living with us. Since my family is only 2 hours away, I am not sure how the heck we have managed to avoid it, but we have, mostly by doing all the visiting and not asking them to come over.

Honestly I'm mortified of the day when my parents find out something is up. They're quite religious and won't understand at all. I have no desire to alienate my parents so I'm trying to keep it quiet.
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  #97  
Old 11-02-2010, 03:34 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by mj511729 View Post
My wife's boyfriend has been living with us for over 2 years now.
2 years! Congrats Sorry to hear about needing to hide things but coming out can be one hell of a storm to ride out...been there and it can take it's toll. Would you consider sharing your experience on the co-habitation thread or in a blog? Sound like your family has a lot of lessons to pass on.

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  #98  
Old 11-07-2010, 10:20 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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It came up in another forum that I am poly.

One other member's reaction? "That's handy. If one dies or leaves you, you've got one left!"

That was shocking. I can't imagine people saying something similar for friends, or siblings, or kids, or any person you can have several of. And what is that supposed to mean, that if one dies I won't be sad because I have someone left? Then if your mom dies should you be okay because you have your dad left?

I got so confused, because that post didn't even read like it was supposed to be aggressive.
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  #99  
Old 11-07-2010, 10:42 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
It came up in another forum that I am poly.

One other member's reaction? "That's handy. If one dies or leaves you, you've got one left!"

That was shocking. I can't imagine people saying something similar for friends, or siblings, or kids, or any person you can have several of. And what is that supposed to mean, that if one dies I won't be sad because I have someone left? Then if your mom dies should you be okay because you have your dad left?

I got so confused, because that post didn't even read like it was supposed to be aggressive.
I will often joke when I'm trying to understand something new or very foreign ... I like to hope I have more sense than this though.

That said, wow ... How very hurtful.

*HUG*
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  #100  
Old 11-08-2010, 11:26 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Well, so the person I was talking about left the forum and asked to be deleted from it. She said she didn't recognise herself because unlike most people there she wasn't vegetarian, she was in a couple and she was faithful (emphasis mine) and she didn't want people to be able to someday look her up and find her associated with that board, so she asked for all her info to be deleted.

Wow. Way to over-react. I can't help but feel a bit... shaken by that. I mean, I can understand leaving the forum because she couldn't relate to people who were single when she's in a couple, or to people who were vegetarian when she isn't (this being said, most people on that forum are in a couple too, and vegetarians aren't the majority either, so I'm not sure what she's talking about). But the "I don't want my name to be associated with people like that", seriously, I can't imagine it has anything to do with food choices or being single. I'm pretty sure she meant me.

I wouldn't have recognised myself in the "faithful" thing, but nobody on the forums is a cheater (or nobody said they were at least) and it happened so soon after her comment, I can't imagine she meant anyone else.

Of course, she's gone with her account deleted, so I can't even contact her to explain in case she misunderstood. It's... well, it's annoying. I wish she had just left without making a big deal out of it.
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