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Old 11-01-2010, 05:28 PM
crystal226 crystal226 is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2
Default Marriage troubles--suddenly poly is a problem

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and together for 10. I always
thought things were great between us and that is part of what lead to us
choosing polyamory for our relationship. I thought we had enough communication and trust and it would be more honest and fullfilling for both of us. For the last 3 years we have opened our relationship to other people and it has always worked well for us. The problem is we are facing some problems in our marriage that have slowly developed to the point of explosion. I wish I had, had more foresight to fix them before they grew, but I didn't. I strongly believe these problems do not relate to polyamory; rather I feel are related to a poor dynamic between us (I feel take care of everything) and his excessive drinking (my perspective). Things have gotten so bad, in terms of arguing, in the last few months that I decided to go stay with my mom for a while to alleviate the stress in my life. We have agreed to seek counseling because we both don't want to give up on the last ten years, but I am now feeling concerned about how polyamory is going to impact us as we move forward. My husband has always been very good about other relationships and has had some of his own and I have always accomadated him so I don't feel it should be an issue, but he has begun to express to me that he doesn't feel I should continue to see my current boyfriend because our relationship is in real
trouble. I understand his jealousy and where he is coming from, but I also am
feeling that it is unfair to tell me that my love for this other person is
suddenly wrong. He accepted it before and now he is holding it against me and I don't know what to do. I don't feel that the relationship with my boyfriend is going to replace my marriage as the commitment level is very minimal, but that doesn't mean I am going to be readily able to just give it up. I have feelings for my boyfriend as well and I resent being put in a position where I have to choose between them. I guess I thought that was the point of poly. I like my relationship with my boyfriend the way it is. Am I wrong for wanting to keep it? Anyway I guess I was just wondering if anyone here has experienced something similar or has any advice for me as I move forward with things.
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marriage vs. polyamory, stress

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