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Old 10-28-2010, 12:36 PM
diane diane is offline
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 8
Default confused

I carry the guilt of having betrayed A knowing well that she was married to S. I wish i never fell in love with S. Yes he is my Boss, and A is my friend, me and A are now closer than before, she is a warm and friendly person who ensures that everyone around her is ok. I felt comfortable with her right from the beginning, not knowing what was coming ahead. I could tell from S' actions, favours and stares that he liked me. I felt so uncomfortable but convinced myself that it was not true. He suggested that we get close after abt a month of working with them, i rejected with excuses of him being my boss and married. He was very kind, and he always ensured that i was ok, at all times, so i thanked God for the Boss and friend i had found and along the way, i developed feelings for him. i tried to fight it because this is the time he persisted more. I was confused because, my feelings for him were getting deeper but it felt so wrong for me to accept given the environment(My Boss) and his status (marriage). Now something strange happened, i had not accepted him, but i always got jelous whenever i saw them together with his wife. i told him i can not live i n a relationship whereby am a mistress because i would never be happy like that. He responded and said, he does not look at me as a mistress, but he kept saying that he felt so special when am around and when he is home, he feels like being with me, so the journey begins. He would text me very early in the morning, pick me up, go to work, and after work he still could text from the time we seperate to the time we fall asleep. i asked him to stop texting that much and at a certain moment i remember, he said he would not stop, because he felt lonely and he wanted to be with me in spirit. this went on for one whole month before he suggested that we meet somewhere cosy. Am sorry am giving all the details. I tried to dodge him till one day when i accepted to go out with him for a drink. we talked so much i recall, giving him my reasons as to why i cant be with him but during this time, dont know how it happened but we kissed passionately and that was the beginning of my depressing love life with S.all this time i felt i was not free, i felt guilty coz it was a life full of pretence, loneliness and fights. Why??, coz i was not contented happy but i loved him and so I kept dumping him atleast twice in a month but he never gave up. he kept pursuing me and promising me to be a little patient, and yes we made up again and again, coz i was always unhappy,and sad while we were apart and thats why i could easily accept him back. 6 months down the road, my life was totally depressed, imagine, i would ove to be with him after work but we just couldn't, remeber he was married, but atleast he could spare a few evenings or nights for me thought it was not enough for me. You will call me "selfish", i dont care but his assurance of the love he had for me kept me going and i felt i also had the right to be with him just like any lady would love to be with their men. I love A and i felt so bad whenever i imagined how hurt she would be when she found out about us, that feeling always pushed me away from S, it made me hate myself for having involved or gave in to my feelings for S. All this while i could consider myself being the other woman, but hell no, why would i settle for that kind of life, had a no of guys interested in me, but i loved S. Somebody tell, was that wrong, how can someone agree to live like that all in the name of love yet possibly they can settle with any other single guy?. The D-day comes. A get to Know, S never denied. we all met in office the following day and she was bitter but calm, i knew she was hurt and i wish was not the trouble causer so that i could help her, but i was, she felt so betrayed, i asked her to forgive me but i knew that was not enough.

Last edited by diane; 10-28-2010 at 01:06 PM. Reason: sorry the message was not complete
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