Coming out

[mellsey]

I have a question for anyone who can help.

history first - in a quad mfmf - two married couples together with each other in a poly relationship. This is all new to all of us.

question - How do you deal with society and people you have daily interactions with? Example: my boss has noticed a change in me says I am under a lot of stress and he is worried about me. How do I explain to him, yes there is more stress, but worth every minute of it because I am happy with what I have. He won't understand or agree with the lifestyle we have. My job won't suffer, but his view towards me could change. Also, our families would not understand, but it is so hard each day not to tell them, look this is what I have and I am happy with it. I just want to shout it from the mountain side, but know that we will be frowned upon.

Any help would be appreciated. Thank you

[Alhena]

Well I'm going through this right now so I'm prob not much help since I'm just as confused.

I have a new bf and I've told my eldest sister and couple friends that hes married and we're in a poly relationship. Mostly i've gotten curious/good responses from friends except one who totally said it was horrible, then my sister has made it clear she doesnt aprove but shes is still being supportive and understanding, i dont blame her because i know shes doing it because she loves me and thinks the best thing for me is to have the 1 guy totally devoted me. Of course she is wrong because Im very happy with my bf hes amazing and I that makes me want to tell more people mainly my mother, (who constantly bugs me to date so i want to be like hah look at my hot sweet amazing bf)but i cant obviously because if he comes around they will notice his wedding ring which I would never ask him to remove.

I brought him on a big group date with a large chunk of my friends and a cousin, i introduced him a my bf and that was it. Everything went well, we had a great night but after he left 1 friend asked me if that was a wedding ring he was wearing so i said yes and explained, he also expressed his concern for my feelings like my sister but also understood.

Ive tried practicing with strangers to get better at explaining it, i say it casually just to see their reaction like I'll say "oh my bfs wife blah blah" whatever im talking about and only once I've gotten a negative response and it was an asshole asking since I was free to date if I wanted to hook up, he seemed to think it was all about sex which its not we have a relationship and care for each other we arent swingers.

[mellsey]

Alhena,
Thanks for your response. I don't care who knows that I love two guys and that one is married to another person, I want to tell everyone. It is society who frowns on us and I do not know how he (my boss) will take it. I have to work for this guy for a living and he is about my age, and owns his own company and I am worried he will look down on me and think he can not depend on me the way he does now not knowing. Our parents don't know either and that worries me too. Eventually they will find out. I quess it would be better for us to tell them than them find out through the grapevine.

[Kraven]

How do you deal with it? The people that are prejudice towards you after learning of your relationship orientation of Polyamorous! How do you move forward knowing fully well the way people will treat you? What stops you from taking the easy road and just staying "normal"?

[WaywardDruid]

I am Normal. It's them and they that are abby-normal.

If they or them have a problem with my life choices then it's their problem, not mine.

Just Me,
Tim

[NeonKaos]

It's like anything else. People will find a problem with something even if you're not "poly", so as long as whatever it is isn't illegal, let them think whatever they think and do what is best for YOU. You can't change the world, but you can change how you react to it.

That is like saying, "I will not cut my hair a certain way because some people might not accept me, or they will think I am [this way] because other people who have a green mohawk or a blond mullet "are" [this way].

It sucks when it's your parents or your boss because those people, their opinions do matter to a degree, but they can either deal with it or you can organize your life in such a way that it doesn't affect your routine.

Having said all that, I am not "practicing" a polyamorous lifestyle at this time, but I do cat rescue, and people judge me for that, so I do know what I am talking about after all.

[MonoVCPHG]

There are very few people I let into my life or develop true connection with. There are even less that I care about thier opinions of me. I really don't care how most view my life and am more concerned about how those I love are treated. I can be isolated without great impact, it's disrespect towards my chosen family that will get a response.

In general though, I find as soon as people see us together they relax and see that we are happy. If they can't see past thier own shit and handle it, fuck them. As long as they aren't hurting my family I'm cool with not interacting with them. If thier intention is to hurt my family then I'm perfectly happy to interact with them on that level as well

[aussielover]

I would say 95% of our friends know (good friends) and about 20% of our family knows so far. With our friends, all but one (whom you might have read as they psyco) hasn't really flinched when we told them. Most were aware of our previous relationship and want us to be happy. Some are concerned and maybe don't understand it really, but they are supportive.
As for family, I can only speak for my side, One of my cousins know, and my birthmother (Was adopted) and brother and his gf know. That's it. She's more like a sister to me though than a cousin. She's always supportive and wants me to be happy. The only reason my parents don't know is I want them to see our relationship is strong and established. Especially after just coming out of a long, unhealthy relationship and moving half way around the world. I don't plan on hiding it from them forever. They've already commented on how much happier I sound and look (while on skype) now I'm here.
As for anyone else, I really don't care what they think. The kids have seen some affection on all our parts and haven't seemed to think twice about it. Really their wellbeing is all I care about besides, my loves obviously. No one elses oppinion matters. They'll deal and stick around or they wont, and if they don't, then they're not worth my love and attention.

[Sunshinegrl]

As Al said Above. most of our friends know. I have one friend who is a bit silly about it all. Especially after Her mum seen AL and I out and Seen me grab her on the bum. hehe But Generally Its been a Kinda Each to their own kind of attitude. And the kids don't seem to be phased at all.

[foxflame88]

I'm one of the folks that couldn't care less what others think of me or my choices. I live to make myself happy... not them.