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  #201  
Old 08-31-2010, 04:55 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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you know, she might just find that we are tolerant when she writes her version of what is going on... She might find it helpful to do that also. I'm sure all of us would be open to hearing it... besides, how would we know it's her if she wrote anyways, unless she says... we get threads on here all the time from people that are cheating. It wouldn't be any different I would think.
Thanks RP. I agree that it would probably be hugely helpful to her, if not now, at least in the long run. I am certain that she would find some great mentors here that could help her on her journey. Not a doubt that all of you would be gentle, especially knowing what shes going through.
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  #202  
Old 10-21-2010, 05:48 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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Well it's been a lifetime since I updated. It's been nothing but an ever worsening trainwreck. SInce this, she ruined things with married guy #1 by screwing around with his best friend, has been dating like crazey guys from ashleymadison.com, and my mom passed away on the 8th of the month. She managed to be with married guy #1 the night my mom died, after we got into a heated argument and I left (we're living separately now). Im pretty confident she's now lying to me about who she is with. She hasn't shown any interest in me since ... August...maybe? She insists shes poly (bullshit) and need this, that she loves me and wants me. I call bullshit on the poly because her behaviour is anything but loving, shes dating like crazey, and perfers the lack of attachment with married men. She keeps saying things like she does it to 'feel' and she doesn't know how to be friends with anyone without sex. I recently took an online mental evaluation, and answered as if I were her, came out Boarderline Personality Disorder/Narcissit/Schoizd. While granted, it's online, it made alot of sense. I dont think it's Poly at all so much as just a way for her to harm herself. Some of these internet guys shes even meeting for the first time at her apartment. Additionally, shes done some pretty radically stupid, self destructive other crap. I'm sncerely worried for her health and safety, trying to find some balance where I can stay behind the perverbial safety glass. Ive reached out to her family with zero luck. Ive begged her to get therapy, again nothing...

There has obviously been a truckload of drama since my last post, I just dont have the strength or heart to rehash it all.
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  #203  
Old 10-22-2010, 05:50 AM
FormerUnicorn FormerUnicorn is offline
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Oh hon, that sounds terrible. I'm very sorry to hear about your mother. I'm glad you're not living with your woman anymore, that buffer is better for you. We're here if you need to vent. I hope things look up soon.
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  #204  
Old 10-22-2010, 08:04 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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oh there is something so not right for her. She is so not doing well. Neither are you either as a result. I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine. Loss from many angles really. *hugs*
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  #205  
Old 10-22-2010, 01:04 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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Thanks guys. I really do think she needs help. Ive spared you alot of the details, but everyday is a new trauma/drama. I tried my best, but I just have to back off. She keeps asking me out/over, but everytime I put my foot down, I get weak and see her. It usually amounts to a fight, and I think Ive got 3 REAL kisses in the last 2 months. A mutual friend thinks she is going to keep pushing to get me back, and have her party life. I've told her repeatedly no,, but the more I try and stick to it, the harder she pushes. Frankly, I love her so much, and Im so mentally weak right no with all the other stuff, I have a real hard time saying no. She's going to see her brother next weekend, under the guise of telling him whats been happening, I dont believe she will tell him the WHOLE truth. I can only hope he points her in right direction. I've tried reaching out to her mom, sister in law, and lastly her brother. The family has some wierd "dont get involved" code of ethics. I really think she needs therapy. She's told me she's been calling trying to get appointments, but, I think it's just to shut me up. She's also taken to lying to me, which NEVER would have happened in the pre-this mess days. We've always been totally candid and honest, no matter how painful with each other.

IN September, she went to BF#1's Labor Day Party, managaed to get so offensively drunk BF#1s wife almost called cops, she hooked up very publically with BF#1's best friend, (which infuriated him). And had some other disgusting lewd, very public behavior. A few weeks later, I learned her antics were the talk of the town, and some how came up through a third party who witnessed it and was at another friends house laughing about it, not knowing the friend knows us (me since I was 15).

She went on to see BF#1s best friend regularly for 'quickies' for awhile, that didnt work, he just wanted to shag she wanted a friend.

In our numerous discussions she tells me shes doing it to 'feel' and she has no idea how to be a friend without having sex involved.

One of my pre-reqs along with therapy for us ever getting together is she needs one real friend.

She made friends with one of BF#1's former flings, out of a mutual hurt. I had hope for awhile. After a few weeks she wound up cybering this girl's crush/fling, and ruined the opportunity for a friend.

Theres also BF#3, she claims she hasnt slept with, I know she's lying, he happens to be a friend of BF#1's wife.

Keeping up?

Lets see now shes dating like mad guys she meets on ashleymadison.com a website to hook up married cheaters, some of which shes having come to her apartment for first dates.

All the while she's telling me she wants to work on us.
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  #206  
Old 10-22-2010, 01:45 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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to be honest, you are making this mess worse. You keep going back to her. She has 0 reason to change.

Yes she needs counselling, but you are holding on really tight to a slowly sinking ship.

Quote:
In our numerous discussions she tells me shes doing it to 'feel' and she has no idea how to be a friend without having sex involved.
Most notable thing you have written. Regardless of your relationship, she needs help badly. If this is true, she has some serious problems.
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  #207  
Old 10-22-2010, 02:01 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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@Ariakas I completely agree with both points. I almost feel like its turned into some sort of war of wills. I keep telling her I wont see her until therapy, she pushes, I fall off the perverbial wagon...I know, I'm screwing up by seeing her, I don't deny it at all.

Last Tuesday was mom's wake, I spent first two hours of my day fighting with her that BF#1 was not welcome, I gave up arguing with her, called him and lit into him, he, wisely, did not show up. But the male 'friend' that Im certain shes lying about did. I let it go, I had enough on my plate. My mom's Funeral was Wednesday, she kinda acted like wife for the day, Thursday she returned to work, and had an overnight guest. Friday I met up with a bunch of friends for cocktails, she came along, left for a few hours, because she wasn't comfortable, and came back to give me a ride home. Yet another argument on the way home. Saturday and Sunday she stayed home, possibly even alone..I think she met a cyber guy or twoo Monday, Tuesday we had pre-arranged tickets to a cooking class, yet another fight, Wednesday she had a date with her male 'friend' I am certain she's lying about, yesterday she met e neew cyber guy for drinks, I know she was home early..each day, she keeps asking to make plans for dinner, which I just ignore, and ask if she's got appointment yet.
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  #208  
Old 10-22-2010, 02:13 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DazednConfused View Post
Last Tuesday was mom's wake, I spent first two hours of my day fighting with her that BF#1 was not welcome, I gave up arguing with her, called him and lit into him, he, wisely, did not show up. .
I am flabbergasted by this. What a completely an utterly selfish person. I have no words to say how offended I am for your relationship.

I think I am out of advice. I wouldn't ever let that disrespect stand. Your mom's wake, your choice to have it as respectful as you need it so you can say good bye. Having her fuck buddy there is pure 100% ignorance.

This must be destroying your self esteem. I am sorry if you have mentioned this but have you sought counselling? I obviously can't tell you what to do, I have no idea why you are still involved. Love is not enough to put up with this imo. You are getting nothing out of this relationship.

I am sorry for your loss, it is always sad to lose someone in your life you treasure. I don't know the type of woman your mom was, but maybe take some of the strength she had in life, to lift you up and give you the strength you need.

Best of luck with this continued saga.

Last edited by Ariakas; 10-22-2010 at 02:16 PM.
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  #209  
Old 10-22-2010, 02:18 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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Ya, I was pretty pissed off too. It even got into "whats his wife gonna say, you know she wants to see you". The conversation got ugly. It was mind boggling to even deal with that day. Funny thing is when I did call him, he obviously knew I was serious, told him since he fucked her night mom died i really didnt want to see him there, he was so hammered that night (Friday) he didnt even really remember it at first. LOSER

I am going to get some counseling myself, my plate is too full right now, trying to get mom's final affairs in order, as soon as that settles, Im definately going to talk to someone. Not only is my self-esteem crushed, but Im so damn embarassed, all my friends are reaching out and Im too humilated to spend time with them.
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  #210  
Old 10-22-2010, 03:40 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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At this point there is really nothing more I can give in terms of thoughts or advice. I have nothing more than consolment and support for you at this point. *hugs*

Until now I have been unable to reach out to her as her actions trigger me so much, but I've come to a place where I feel I could be supportive and a listening ear if she ever wants a friend.

You and I have talked of fb quite a bit and I have seen pictures of her and her chat back and forth on there; I feel I could empathize now. I know something of what she is going through, a tincey bit anyways and I would be glad to talk to her if she is interested. Other than that, know that you have a friend in me and I am here for you if you need an ear.
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