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  #381  
Old 10-21-2010, 01:49 AM
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Mono was such a big help last night. He safety pinned sequined ribbon onto my panties, ... such a hard job I got so much done on my routine and outfit for the burlesques show. I'm a bit concerned because there has not been a firm date set and it seems there are only two of us! Ahhhh... all this work for it not to happen would be a shame... I'm so stressed out as it is!
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  #382  
Old 10-21-2010, 04:05 AM
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Mono was such a big help last night. He safety pinned sequined ribbon onto my panties, ... such a hard job I got so much done on my routine and outfit for the burlesques show. I'm a bit concerned because there has not been a firm date set and it seems there are only two of us! Ahhhh... all this work for it not to happen would be a shame... I'm so stressed out as it is!
If you want to put on a show I can be an audience for you
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  #383  
Old 10-21-2010, 04:31 AM
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People do tend to get lazy and make assumptions and it really is a shame. I think we really miss out on so much by jumping to conclusions and not checking in with each other in life. I have learned from my job that if I don't understand and find myself thinking something is a certain way I become rigid. The way to understand is to be open and ask questions I find. Its hard to do that when you feel threatened and your comfort is threatened but it is so necessary and so helpful in term of having good relationships and finding a place in the world for me.
Wonderful observation RP!
Very relevent to my day. Thank you for sharing this.
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  #384  
Old 10-23-2010, 07:31 AM
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Sigh, wishing I were at lovemore in seattle. I'm so sick of not having the money to do simple things that bring me joy.... It drives me crazy some days. The thing is that on the outside I appear to have as much as other people in my life when it comes to house, car, money to buy good food and some other small items, but that is where the outside look ends... truth is that we have nothing more to spend on renos (we have had an unfinished bathroom for going on six years now), travel, activities, clothing that isn't from a thrift store and on courses, workshops and going out to dinner and movies.

We (PN and I) make MUCH less than a lot of the people that we spend time with and it really makes me jealous sometimes. It makes me consider what choices I have made for a career. I chose a career that gives me next to no appreciation, no recognition, no money and no value (at least with this government). It's a "heart" job as they call it. I give A LOT and still am asked to give more! I am asked to donate money to different organizations that help in servicing people with special needs, I am asked to use my vehicle to drive them around because the mileage they give us doesn't even cover gas and we have to look like we DO something with our clients, so I spend my money on gas and up keep, I am asked to work over time for no extra money and asked to put up with the shit we get from our director, social workers and caregivers who see us as the bottom of the ladder, even if it is us that spend most of our clients waking hours with. We should know them more than anyone no?

Oh its been a week from hell. I can't even tell you. It's about to get worse before it gets better and I am really thinking that I need to get out. What am I doing wasting my time and energy on an organization that thinks I'm a pawn for their plans? sigh, what to do next... and what of my clients? They are the ones I stay for. They are the dears that I love so much. They are thriving because of me and now that they are they are forced to continue on with less services and less support.

Okay, end of vent.

Mono had a great birthday tonight. If I don't say so myself

Thai food out with my parents who are really coming around to the fact that we are just as in need of them in our lives as we always have been and that Mono is a good addition to our family. Then back for chocolate halloween cake with orange pumpkin, white ghost, and black bat sprinkles on top... a couple of Canada maple leafs too?! don't know what happened there. Someone mixed the sprinkles up I think! We had tiger ice cream as well.

We all gave him a carving kit to do hand carvings with... and a canvas roll to put them in. I am hoping that the extra room down stairs can be made into a room for him to carve in and to do crafty, artsy things in. Something to do when we go camping too! I'm very excited for him

Mono has been progressing on the suite. One more coat of paint on one bathroom wall and it's done. Next is a light and the sink and tap is in now too. The floor that got wrecked in the flood is coming up next I believe... he can answer that question really.

I went over my burlesque routine 6 times in my head today and acted it out once. I am very pleased with my progress and have a date to go through it with a more established artist on Monday night. The event is posted and tickets are on sale.... 8 artists at a gay bar in town... three of us new. should be interesting and fun. I hope.

We had a great poly meet last night. I sat and talked to a guy for a long time that I found very interesting and we have planned to go out for a drink some time. He has had a very interesting life and I am really looking forward to finding out more about him. He couldn't believe that Mono was okay with my talking to him ha, he's new to poly... it takes awhile to realize that their is no ownership and that there is no competition most of the time in poly... he hadn't realized this and found it very refreshing and relaxing to be with our group. I'm glad to of helped make our group so welcoming.

I went to a meeting today to be a human book at the university library next week. It was so interesting to here other peoples stories and what kind of "book" they are. We will be made available for two days where anyone can sign us out and talk to us for awhile on the topic of our lives. I chose to convey my experiences with poly, BDSM and my sexuality. the other stories were; surviving hurricane Katrina, moving from California to escape the same sex marriage debate, Chinese culture in Canada as seen by a newly immigrated Chinese man, ageism on campus and several other really interesting people... I'm so excited to take them out myself and ask questions and get to know their experiences.
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  #385  
Old 10-23-2010, 07:54 AM
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I did in fact have a great Birthday Lilo Thanks for the cake and love from everyone!

I know not getting to do things really gets you down. I think when we look at these things we need to be ok with each of us evaluating if we can do it on our own and then being ok with going to them. I think maybe you could have swung this weekend but It would have been relatively impossible for me to go due to the cost of breaking a lease but I also place priorities in other places. Getting my bike back on the road after my insurance debacle is top of my list LOL!

Thanks again for a great day Sunshine I love you!
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  #386  
Old 10-23-2010, 08:05 AM
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I did in fact have a great Birthday Lilo Thanks for the cake and love from everyone!

I know not getting to do things really gets you down. I think when we look at these things we need to be ok with each of us evaluating if we can do it on our own and then being ok with going to them. I think maybe you could have swung this weekend but It would have been relatively impossible for me to go due to the cost of breaking a lease but I also place priorities in other places. Getting my bike back on the road after my insurance debacle is top of my list LOL!

Thanks again for a great day Sunshine I love you!
nope, after that surprise water heater I was done for.

I actually considered it, but often times I don't feel I can take away from the family because I want to do something. The fact of the matter is that I now have TWO live in primaries that like to be at home more than out in the world. Either I adjust to that and don't do anything because I will feel guilty if I do, or just go do stuff, spend our money and brush aside my guilt feelings.

PN does not see why I would want to go to a poly conference. He would not be okay with my going and spending our money on things like that if we could spend it on investments such as the house... thing is that we don't spend it on the house either. he just doesn't see things like the fact that the whole house needs painting and that the lino needs riping up, or that we are spending more than need be on hydro because we still have ancient laundry machines that don't run properly... he just doesn't see it or care too. He cares about how much is in the bank and what is going on in his head that he could write about... that and stressing about his shit job.

How do you create interest for people? It was the same issue with you moving in Mono... it's all here. All here in this very thread the process of pulling teeth in order to get him to move forward to do something that he doesn't hold value in and costs money. BAH! drives me crazy.
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  #387  
Old 10-23-2010, 08:37 AM
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Either I adjust to that and don't do anything because I will feel guilty if I do, or just go do stuff, spend our money and brush aside my guilt feelings.

.
You can't "don't do anything" Lilo. That just isn't you Love. While me and PN aren't quite as enthusiastic about a lot of stuff as you we do enjoy doing things with you. I enjoyed going to the Mono/poly debate with you, enjoyed the Poly-friendly camping trip with you and PN. On the other hand, things like meetings to discuss our poly lives or weekend workshops are lower on the priority list. I think you would like to share more of our lives with others where me and PN are less enthusiastic about that. If Doctor Phil wanted us to go on his show, who would want to participate and who wouldn't? I'd say no, but would not hold you back from that experience for yourself if you wanted it.

We are also very different in how we do relationships with friends. I require almost no contact to maintain fulfillment with people, PN requires a little more and you like a fair bit of actual contact. These differences create our levels of motivation to do things. Hell, I get my fill of socializing at out monthly poly meeting and work LOL!

Finances are tricky because you and PN are linked so one's actions do affect the other. I can't comment on that except perhaps it's time to pay yourself more
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  #388  
Old 10-23-2010, 01:17 PM
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RP...With Mono moving in you will now be able to put away that little bit of gas money each week (from going back & forth to OH) & go to LoveMore NEXT year! With gas prices being sky high (nearly $1.10 per Litre here) it shouldn't take long to save the money, lol.

Through this whole process I think you've learned that YOU need to take care of YOU or you can't take care of anyone else. You need that downtime in order to recharge your batteries so you won't be all atwitter about the smaller stuff which then means you'll be calmer for the larger stuff.

I wish I were going to LovingMore as well but with the way things are at work right now it just isn't feasible *sigh*.
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  #389  
Old 10-23-2010, 03:47 PM
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Actually with Mono moving we have less money because we agreed to him paying less rent and hydro than our other tenents because he didn't require such a large space and I now have a room in his suite. Its also been more money to have it empty for a month and the reno supplies and hot water tank have been adding up.

I'm not complaining so much really as wondering and reminding myself that the fact of the matter is, we just do not have money for anything more than everyday life. End of story. I am not in a position to treat my friends to things like
British night any more. Actually I went into debt for that one. I won't be able to feed people when we go camping or go out to events as much and buy drinks.

We are in a good place with a roof over our heads. Very fortunates, but we just can't do much more. End of story.

And Mono I would not feel okay about dragging you and PN out to things because I want to go! I think we might have to talk about that one. I hadn't realized you were both doing things you don't want to do because I want to! That's a tad concerning actually.
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  #390  
Old 10-23-2010, 03:56 PM
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Nothing to talk about Lilo I don't do anything I don't want to. The party coming up is an . We're good Sunshine.
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