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Old 10-20-2010, 10:33 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
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Posts: 373

Originally Posted by QuestioningMono View Post
I take, from reading your reply, that you are both poly. You see others as well as him seeing others.

That is where I am different. I am mono, though he thinks I am poly, just haven't realized it. If I were poly, I wouldn't be so upset at this entire situation.

He has stated what he sees in me and that I have his mind, heart and soul. He states it is only his heart he gives to this Other woman. I don't understand what she can give that I haven't been able to give. I don't see the need to "have to have" someone else.

And him telling her all sorts of things about me and Us, makes me upset. There are things I wish he hadn't shared, but it is too late, and because of that she is nosey in questioning me. I can't stand it.

She tells me that she cares for me *shrugs* and that other women wouldn't even care how I felt and would only keep loyalty to him. I don't understand this.
I'm not so familiar with your experiences. I feel like I've stumbled into something much stickier than I initially guessed. Absolutely there would be things I can accept and appreciate that others perhaps cannot. I'm sorry things are not going so well for you right now.
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Old 10-21-2010, 12:10 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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There are a great many things that are different about my partners, yet the same. roly said to me once, "you have a type girl! a type!" I agree, I certainly do. I pick intelligent people in terms of human dynamics to be my partners, they are almost always active, outgoing, funny and extremely empathetic.

I have to laugh though as Mono is like a boy and PN like an old man! hahaha! they are so cute. Even if PN is significantly younger than both of us.

We have separate songs, tastes in music even, things we like to do together, even times we go to bed. I love them both for who they are and their differences.

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Last edited by redpepper; 10-21-2010 at 12:16 AM.
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Old 10-21-2010, 01:52 AM
Fayerweather Fayerweather is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 52

Originally Posted by QuestioningMono View Post
?? What about when your Poly SO tells you something or shares something with you that is taken "special" then to turn around and find out he's shared the same thing with .... his girl... whatever you want to call it.

Same sayings, a song that fits you to a "T" and find out/hear him call her the same thing ... see an IM saying that the particular song "took her breath away"

I was crushed... NOTHING is special... doesn't feel special... Doesn't matter how nice the other person is... makes me feel like second hand... and I'm almost to the point I don't believe anything he or she says anymore.
I had a little bit of that when I first realized that he was tying her up with the same ropes he ties me up with (those are no longer MY ropes), when he played the guitar and sang songs that made my knees weak, but played them for her too (not MY songs alone anymore). The list goes on and on.

I think tho in this situation, he does soo many of the same things with both of us, that the differences are much more subtle, and usually based on the specific things that she and I like. She likes to be flogged, I like to be choked. She likes snuggling against his chest, I bury my face in his beard all the time. She argues religion with him, he and I study neuro-linguistics . We watch different t.v shows together, go different places together and have different pet names.

Your situation sounds difficult and upsetting and I would be upset too if I felt something totally unique turned out to be something given to someone else. I feel for you
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