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  #71  
Old 10-15-2010, 09:20 AM
FitChick FitChick is offline
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I'm in a LDR with my man,he is 1 hours plane flight away and fortunately if I book far enough in advance I can get cheap deals. At some point I will move closer to him,not 'with' him as he has 4 children who take up a considerable amount of time.
Communication is absolutely the key,we have had so many ups and downs whe one of us doesn't communicate our needs and desires,but now even if we can't talk by phone,he encourages me to email as often as I like,then he responds.
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  #72  
Old 10-15-2010, 06:57 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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To answer MBG`s question :

Long distance is anytime you cannot just hop in a car, and be where your loved one is. It`s when it takes genuine planning to see them.

Couple of hours or so, isn`t really long distance to me. Just a pain in the ass.

As for all the big 'hooplah' over LDR`s,..

*shrug*,..with all the problems I see around me, it seems but a luxury problem to me. I am a lucky girl, to pay such a small price, to have such a fantastic relationship with someone. So when others bemoan, I just smile and nod.
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  #73  
Old 10-15-2010, 09:31 PM
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Sometimes I feel like derby and I have a ldr and then I remember that even if we don't see each other much, if we need to we go out of our way to have a quick cuddle and kiss
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  #74  
Old 10-15-2010, 09:38 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
I think it is very funny how we judge distance by hours. My cousin used to make fun of me for it, but then he lives out in the sticks of WA.
I think it makes sense though. The same distance might be different if there is direct access or not, and depending on the method of transportation. If all you have is buses and you need to change buses 3 times and wait an hour at each transfer, it's going to be more impractical than if there is just one going straight there. If you need to take a plane, you'll count the distance in plane hours, but you'll need to get to the airport (hours early) and then from the destination airport to the city or town you're going to. And so on.

I feel a lot of what makes a relationship feel long distance is the available ways to get there. Distance is one problem, but if there is a big mountain you might end up taking a plane rather than go all the way around it. If it's an island you'll need to take a ferry. And so on.
These aren't pure distance but they still make a relationship feel "long distance) because you can't just hop in a vehicle and stay there until you arrive, you need to transfer and it gets impractical, frustrating, and you have more chances of encountering problems and delays.

Also, meeting in the middle can be nice, but then you end up in a place neither of you is familiar with (so you don't know the good places to go to) and need to book a hotel and stuff instead of staying over at each other's places. It's not always the best, I think I'd rather have one person go all the way and alternating.
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  #75  
Old 10-18-2010, 01:48 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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For me I think the LDR designation comes at around 2 hours of driving, or a flight. That makes it impossible to do just an evening "date" and it has to be weekends. The other problem is that with the amount of snow we get, in winter, a 2 hour drive can easily turn into a 4-6 hour drive without much warning. My current OSO is just over an hour away (this is tolerable), my previous one was in NYC and 4 hours away (that was too far for my tastes).

I have pretty much blocked off having LDRs, although it's possible that I may make an exception for someone that was really worth it. In general, though, I want relationships where we can be physically present in each other's lives on something more than a "vacation" basis.

I have met only a few poly folks who live a fair distance from me who, given other circumstances, I would maybe be interested in thinking about an LDR relationship with, but since I didn't get an overwhelming interest from their side, didn't pursue. LDRs miss so much of what I desire in a relationship.
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  #76  
Old 10-19-2010, 10:45 PM
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I just realized as I sit here craving being near Mono and looking forward to a night at the OH that I am an incredibly tactile and visual person. I don't do well keeping on line friends because I find it hard to not be able to touch them, smell them and see them. With time my contact fades and I don't know how to keep it going. Maybe this is why LDR's don't work for me.

Note: to all my on line friends, I love you, I just don't know how to "be" on here.
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  #77  
Old 10-19-2010, 10:52 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Maybe this is why LDR's don't work for me.
.
I think I explained this in my blog. But you have to use your other love styles more. I am primarily a tactile lover. But I find if I get my second and/or third love style fully active than it is easier. I am not saying LD is without its challenges, but if the person is worth it, adjustments come easily.

I am also not saying LDR's are for everyone. However if you had asked me 7 months ago what I thought of them - I wasn't interested. But its hard to control who you fall in love with, and when its a good thing, its always worth it.
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  #78  
Old 10-20-2010, 05:54 AM
FitChick FitChick is offline
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The main reason the LDR works for me right now is very much related to both of us liking and needing our own space and independence. My SO has 4 children and they take up ALOT of his time,and much as I love children,I don't want to be in their space 24/7 or have them in mine. We(the kids and I) don't know each other well enough for that dynamic to work at this point.
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  #79  
Old 10-20-2010, 01:52 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Well, my gf is only 22 miles away, a 40 min trip in some city traffic. It doesnt seem LD but now that I am temporarily without a vehicle, it seems too far away!
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  #80  
Old 10-20-2010, 04:25 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I just realized [...] that I am an incredibly tactile and visual person. I don't do well keeping on line friends because I find it hard to not be able to touch them, smell them and see them. With time my contact fades and I don't know how to keep it going.
RP, that pretty much sums up my take as well - it feels like such an important dimension is (or several dimensions are) missing when I can't physically be with someone.

I really struggle with the "online only"-type thing. Heck, even the "online mostly" thing.... so I have pretty much given up trying.
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