I have to say though, I disagree that it can't work.
Cricket and Karma had an affair for almost the same amount of time before I found out.
It's been a rough go, and if you read through the TON of posts on my blog, you'll follow my rollercoaster of emotions through the whole thing.
Karma being impatient, me feeling rushed, Karma being patient, me feeling bad for taking so long to heal, Cricket and I not getting along. There's alot on there.
It took A LOT of work on all our parts, and a lot of help from others on here, to get us to where we are.
I don't think we're a success story...yet. But we're working it out.
Communicate and have patience are my best advice. Know yourself, heal yourself. That has to be priority for this to work at all. You need to know if this is something you can handle or not.
I think it was easier for us b/c we were already discussing poly before Cricket came along. I was already prepared for, just not the affair and the pain that came from it.
You both have to be committed to solving the problems and wounds this has caused. And honestly if the other woman is going to walk away b/c she can't be bothered to give you time to heal, let her walk.
cricket stuck it out. She was still there when I bad mouthed her, she was there when I was condescending, she was there when I said they could only spend time together if I was there, she was there when things I thought I was okay with turned out to be things I couldn't handle.
She wanted this to work just as much as we did, and did whatever I needed to make that easier for me.
We wouldn't be where we are without patience on all sides. And flat out honest communication. You have to feel safe to express whatever you are thinking and feeling and so does he.
Once Karma and I had that, it was so much easier. We spent night after night addressing this fear and that concern.
I am one of those women who will say, my husbands affair was the best thing that happened to us. I am greatful to Cricket and Karma. Sure it would have been easier had they been honest from the begining, but we would have never dealt with the root problems and wouldn't be anywhere near where we are now.
With all that said, there is nothing wrong if this isn't for you. If you can't handle it. But do yourself a favor, don't obsess over it. That was the worst thing I did. I overanalyzed and it was constantly on my mind. I eventualy was going backwards because I got myself so turned around in all the worrying.
The easy way is to end things with her and the two of you work out your marriage. But the hard way can be successful.
Feel free to PM if you have any questions or want to know more. Good luck!!