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Old 10-18-2010, 12:28 PM
Marya Marya is offline
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Default Hello, from Australia.

Hi there, I'm a 23 year old lady-person from Australia. I'm not sure how often I'll use these boards or whether I'll participate a little while and flit off. A space to make my own thread with my feelings and reflections on my own situation with the advantage that knowledgeable people might read and give their own reflections is my main reason to be here.

I've been in a basically mono relationship for nearly two years. I say 'basically mono' because for a while my partner misunderstood how my bisexuality worked and I didn't realize it was a misunderstanding. He was happy for me to have flings with women, but his base assumption was that being bi I _needed_ sexual stimulation from both genders, as opposed to being able to go with either. When I realized thats where he was coming from I stopped getting together with women, because although he said he was cool with it I was feeling it was a bit 'unfair' that I was sleeping around and he was not. Especially since its definitely something I don't think is a need for me so much as something nice.

Somehow, some time ago. I don't remember when, the subject of polyamory came up. I remember telling him that I wouldn't mind him dating/sleeping with other women, and that while I wouldn't feel a need to be dating the same woman (and thats hard anyway) that in a courting process I'd want to be 'involved' to some degree because anyone he's in a relationship with would be in a kind of relationship with me - if not a dating or sexual one. We live in the same house and hang out together a lot, it just seems so unlikely that hypothetical-other-person wouldn't be a part of my life too, and I'd want to be comfortable with them.

N'that was left at that for awhile. There was no real active search for someone else, just a sort of 'if this happens, it is okay.'

We were both at an event, drinking, hooking up and so forth. He and I were obviously together. I was dancing with this girl, I thought I picked up on her flirting with me and being interested in me, while dancing I touched her waist and hips and gaged her interest, she was pretty clearly interested. Later in the night, she also was showing interest in him, lying on a bed with us both, a fair bit of touching and some making out. There was no real privacy though, so we exchanged contact details and left it at that.

We sent each other a few flirty messages, and arranged a date. Before the arranged date she and my boyfriend had one of their own spontaneously, I was at work and invited later. We went out to a burlesque theatre, it was so spontaneous, but awesome. I was sitting on both their knees since I'm pretty short and we got bad seats. It was fun. The date we'd actually arranged went well too.

Its been a couple of months now, she comes to our house every so often for dates/sex/just a place to crash after a night out since our place is easier to get to by public transport since busses to get here start earlier. I've/We've not really spent a night at hers, which would be a nice thing to do.

Boundaries are still being all examined and explored. Its interesting because it is a sort of three way relationship where we're dating each other. Its going well, but its awkward, there are obviously power differences because we're an established couple, we live together, at the moment we both have more money than her. We also found out that she's younger than we thought she was, which was a shock! (She's 18, my boyfriend is 21. When I found out she was 18 I flipped thinking 'these power dynamics are hard enough as it is and she's so young!') We didn't break it off from there, but it definitely needs considering! We've talked about it, but not all that much. She also thought we were younger than we are.

She's got a fellow-lover, who she's obviously very fond of. He's out of town at the moment and she might break it off with us when he comes back, though he knows about us and is cool with everything. We expressed that if she broke it off we'd probably be a bit sad like you get at the end of relationships, even relatively short ones, and we'd probably still like to hang out an watch movies and have fun, but you know, respect her decision and all that,

That was perhaps a long-winded explanation of my current situation, but it felt easy to write from meeting to now.

Anyway, if you made it through all of that, uhh. Hello! I'll probably be writing long winded things like that in a thread of my own somewhere. Primarily expressing my feelings through writing in a place where I may or may not get feedback, because thats what I find useful for sorting out my feelings. A bit bloggy or journalistically.

Hope you're all, you know, feeling well.
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  #2  
Old 10-18-2010, 12:44 PM
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FlameKat FlameKat is offline
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Hi Marya,

Welcome...
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Engaged to my sweetheart, WaterWolf

my blog (non-poly) Pearls & Pixiedust


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Old 10-18-2010, 12:54 PM
Marya Marya is offline
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Hi FlameKat! I wasn't expecting a reply this quickly lol, I guess I don't know how fast these forums move yet.
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