Haven't broached the poly subject yet...

[RainbowDreamscape]

I had the talk with my husband... After spending a day with a friend who dispensed a lot of great advice & helped me get my thoughts in order. After hanging with my friend I went home to another planned night of lovemaking that got railroaded by these issues my husband has been having... That turned into drama, crying, basically a fight. It cemented the need to have this talk further. The next day we finally had a makeup session, which was awesome- but even that cemented this poly need in my brain. I need more than my husband can possibly give. I give him more than he can absorb.

So I was empowered to talk to him about it tonight. I started by asking: "how open minded are we in our relationship?". Would we be open to bringing others in? How would he react if I needed another lover? He responded by saying that he acknowledged that he cannot give much more at this point in his life. And that he would be open to learning more & I insisted that all terms be agreed upon... So nothing is hidden or in the dark. So we are reading the resources together & we shall see how this goes.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by RainbowDreamscape

"how open minded are we in our relationship?". Would we be open to bringing others in? How would he react if I needed another lover?

I love how respectfully you approached this. You said it in terms of "we" and not "I" and I think that is a very good place to start in poly. It really is about both of you when you start with a couple. The dynamic you will embark on is about everyone after that and there is changes that come with that, but to know that it is about both of you from the beginning is very reassuring I would think for your partner.

Originally Posted by RainbowDreamscape

He responded by saying that he acknowledged that he cannot give much more at this point in his life. And that he would be open to learning more & I insisted that all terms be agreed upon... So nothing is hidden or in the dark. So we are reading the resources together & we shall see how this goes.

Good for you doing this with him rather than without. If this new person that you for see is to be made real and be a positive then it is great that you are both on board! Now to boundary setting... well, keep up the good work I say

[RainbowDreamscape]

I sent my hubby some links in a few emails today- he read them @ work & we talked about it tonight. He said he is definitely not interested in "joining"- I kept telling him: "it's not a group!" ;p. He said he's supportive but wants to stay mono... Which I suspected.

As for me seeking other men- he's like: "yeah, you could have a man who likes to cook, or a man who can fix computers... But I don't see myself finding a girl who can fix computers."

He also thinks this is a phase for me, and that I'm doing it because I'm bored. But he's supportive because it's a quest for happiness. He said if I meet someone from the "group" ;p that I have sex with Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday & it doesn't bring me happiness then I'll forget it & the quest for happiness continues somewhere else... Or if it does bring me happiness then both ways he wins. He just wants me to be happy.

He is going to start therapy soon because he has major issues with communication. Tonight he admitted to it being a problem over our whole six years together... This is HUGE! To get him to admit ANY fault is such a miracle. So right there, I see that our relationship improving.