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  #21  
Old 10-18-2010, 05:42 AM
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Originally Posted by rabbit View Post
someone should probably put up a good definition of polyamory so it's all in one place.
We tried this once rabbit and it lead to a HUGE argument. It turns out we all get to decide what OUR personal poly is.

I'm sorry to hear about your break up GC. I hope you are doing okay... sorry also for the hyjack, but polyandry, polygyny and polygamy are different from polyamory. Polyamory is about having the right to have other partners and loves in your life if you want to and feel it suits you. The other three are about constricting rights as I am to understand. A woman who has two husbands/primaries (such as I do btw) would be under the understanding that her men would not be able to go out and find other lovers, even if they wanted to. It would be a one vagina policy (OVP). A man that has two wives/primaries would have a one penis policy (OPP) in a polygyny arrangement and the women would not be able to go and find other lovers even if they wanted to. The distinction is rights.

I identify as polyamorous because I believe that everyone should have the right to decide what they do with their bodies and their love. I have two primaries that have chosen me, but they have every right to go and find another if they chose. Perhaps the men you talk to about this GC think that their rights are being determined by you and its a turn off. Perhaps in this case figuring out a word that best describes you would be more helpful. Unless of course you mean that the men you want to be in a primary relationship with you would want to covet and have to yourself even if this is not what works for them? Agreeing to being with you only because you are mono is different than agreeing against what you feel comfortable with when you wish you had the right to go and find other partners... does that make sense?
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  #22  
Old 10-18-2010, 07:42 AM
anotherbo anotherbo is offline
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I just thought that it was funny that some men I meet often see nothing wrong with dating multiple women yet these same men can not handle a woman that is dating multiple men. The man that dumped me just told me that he is too jealous to handle a poly relationship with me, him, and another man, but he did mention that he would be willing to enter a relationship with me if I only wanted to date him and other women.
This seems to be a common double standard for men considering poly. I keep thinking these things have a lot to do with subconscious reproductive strategies related to sex; poly women dating only women aren't going to get pregnant with their OSO, which is reassuring to the man. And many men are hoping for threesomes this way, I suppose.

I wonder why we so seldom see the flip side: a woman newly exploring poly who insists her fella only dates other men!

P.S. Bah I forgot: OSO = Other Significant Other
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Last edited by anotherbo; 10-18-2010 at 07:46 AM.
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  #23  
Old 10-18-2010, 11:15 AM
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Originally Posted by anotherbo View Post
This seems to be a common double standard for men considering poly. I keep thinking these things have a lot to do with subconscious reproductive strategies related to sex; poly women dating only women aren't going to get pregnant with their OSO, which is reassuring to the man. And many men are hoping for threesomes this way, I suppose.

I wonder why we so seldom see the flip side: a woman newly exploring poly who insists her fella only dates other men!

P.S. Bah I forgot: OSO = Other Significant Other
I agree. This double standard is why single men are not usually AS welcome at swingers clubs. It is also why my wife has recently said "I'm through with single men!" It is also why I am kinda pissed off. Oh well...Today is a new day...Guess I have to find something to be happy about now.




Oh, and it also has something to do with their EGO. For a guy, to have TWO women who want him so much that they would "tolerate" another woman with them, is a HUGE ego boost, and something to brag about to their friends. Having another man involved makes it seem kinda gay. (Not that that's a bad thing, but to men with huge ego's it can be)
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Last edited by TL4everu2; 10-18-2010 at 11:18 AM.
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  #24  
Old 10-18-2010, 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Polyamory is about having the right to have other partners and loves in your life if you want to and feel it suits you.
This is how I feel. I want the men in my life to freely find love with others if they feel the need. The man that broke things off with me knew this. He told me he was "too jealous of another man being with me" and that he would probably "kill another man just to have me for himself". Yes, he said that. If he feels that crazy about it we shouldn't be together... at all. I'm still learning about all of the terms and I realize that they can mean different things to others.

Here is what I would like: I would have two primary partners (I have one now, male) and if they had partners that would be just fine with me. I picture myself being with four others, male or female, but I do find myself more attracted to men.

After speaking with my primary last night I feel much better. Being on this site also helps. I know that it was for the best that I not see this man again. We have been on and off for seven years now. I don't know if we can fix it after this, not with him telling me things about killing and not being able to control himself. I always knew he was emotional but I never knew he would admit to wanting to kill someone. He has scared me away. Thanks for all the input.
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  #25  
Old 10-18-2010, 01:03 PM
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I still get frustrated when I think of people that aren't like me. I know, it's silly to get mad, but I often wonder if I"ll find others that feel as I do. People that aren't so "normal". People get hurt too easily and I often forget that.
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