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  #11  
Old 10-18-2010, 04:50 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Neither bothers me.
Lying bothers me.
Sneakiness bothers me.
Disrespect bothers me.
Lack of quality time bothers me too.

But my beloved having a loving attachment to someone else doesn't bother me; it makes me feel more loved.
My beloved having great sex doesn't bother me; just gives him a chance to get ideas to make sex with me better.

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  #12  
Old 10-18-2010, 06:02 AM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Lying bothers me.
Sneakiness bothers me.
Disrespect bothers me.
Lack of quality time bothers me too.
I think I'm here. When I have flipped out about my husbands nsp, it has usually been disrespect of me (sharing personal info) or lack of quality time. When I found e-mails pointing toward affairs, I was more bothered by the lying, secrecy and giving strangers our home address (the rest hurt, this sent me into anxiety attacks) than the idea that he had sex with someone else.

I could never tell my husband that he couldn't have an emotional connection to someone, because I know that's just impossible for him. He developes some level of emotional connections to most of his close friends. I personally can't wrap my head around casual sex and never have been able to, therefore could never ask it of anyone else.
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Old 10-18-2010, 07:12 AM
anotherbo anotherbo is offline
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This thread reminds me of a recent poll, about what facets of cheating bothered people most. Interestingly, it found that generally, men were most worried about sexual infidelity, and women about emotional ties.

Most of our core attitudes about romance and sex seem to be rooted in reproduction, and reproductive strategies. And men and women have different risks when a mono partner cheats. The big risk for the woman is emotional ~ he might leave her to raise their kids alone, if he loves the other woman. The big risk for the man is sexual ~ his partner might get pregnant with another man's baby, and he'd be spending his energies raising somebody else's (biological) child. Our jealousies often reflect these things. Polyamorous folks are following other reproductive strategies, but some of these behaviors and feelings still seem to affect us.

Personally, I'm with Ariakas... I seldom feel jealousy unless I'm feeling insecure about a relationship, or about myself.
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  #14  
Old 10-18-2010, 10:34 AM
FitChick FitChick is offline
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I just had this discussion with my partner recently and one question I asked him was apart from me,who else do you feel a strong emotional connection to? I was not surprised when he named 2-3 of his female friends and it does not disturb me that he has those connections. What does bother me is sexual jealousy,what would happen if he became physically intimate with those women he had emotional attachments to? even though he has a 'secondary' I have met her and I understand the connection but I have not met these other women and I think that is where the problem lies.
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