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Old 10-17-2010, 10:31 PM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 833

Today was supposed to be a day for just Breathes & myself but I think he really, REALLY needs some time to himself with no demands on him or his time. Friday night was supposed to be his gaming night with Possibility & family but he got called in to work to fill in for a co-worker who doesn't know how to clean up spilled water before he slips & falls in it, giving himself a concussion. He then had to go to help his sister with something yesterday. On his way there, 45 minutes one way by bus, he got a call that he needed to work last night as well. We will get our time together later on but right now he just needs his time to let his brain relax.

Things with Possibility are great. Of course, a lot of that could have to do with the fact we aren't primaries/living together so don't have to deal with the every day humdrum things that we do have to deal with when with primaries/live ins. No matter, things with us are good, better than good really. Our relationship is having a positive affect on his relationships with his family. It's having a positive affect here as well .

Breathes and I just haven't had as much time to spend with each other the last couple of months. Some of this had to do with my different work shifts, some of it had to do with our lives getting a little busier & some of it is my being blinded by NRE (gah, I hate being reminded of it) & being forced back to reality by Breathes.

We've been together just over five years and most of those five years it has been just the two of us relationship wise. He's had a friend with benefits whom he saw occasionally but nothing actually serious. Essentially we've been living monogamously in practice while being polyamorous in thought and spirit. It's taken him some time to come to terms with the fact that I've got a secondary whom I truly do care for.
Someone who is just as good for me as he is, only in different ways. I love them both but in different ways and for different things. The relationship dynamics are totally different for the two relationships. They both fulfill different parts of me.

I just talked to Breathes about some relationship stuff.

Possibility and I spent most of Monday together. The day was planned as an M/s time together right from the start. He finally got here & I managed to let him take some time to get comfortable & come to terms with the change that was about to happen. After an hour or so of cuddling and holding him he was ready. We took that next step. I am the Dominant one, he is the sub. After the play time, or perhaps during play time, our sexual beings came out play . Eventually we wound down, lol.

I told Breathes the general gist of what happened once we were alone. I got this double take look of hurt or anger. I was finally able, ready?, to talk to him about it today. The look was fear. Fear of how he could react. The look was him taking stock of his reaction, seeing if he was angry or jealous or anything. He's fine with how things are going and what is happening as long as I keep my primary relationship primary in my thoughts and actions . Right now the NRE is what's causing the biggest problem, that and lack of time together.

We met Possibility three or four years ago. He asked me to be his secondary a couple of years ago. With life being itself normal self, family life & misunderstandings and hurt feelings it's taken us two years to get to the point where we are currently at. We are play partners, with my being the Dominant One, we are friends & lovers. There are many different facets to our relationship. We can talk about different things. I amaze him because I can relax just by watching him play one of his video games, something I gather none of his other partners does, or has, ever been able to do before. He makes me giggle because his mouth tries to go as fast as his mind does & is very unsuccessful a lot of the time.

Possibility is so very cute when he's in sub mode. He gets quiet, something I don't get very much of at any given time. My kids demand my attention, Breathes loves to talk to which I need to give my attention. Possibility talks a lot during normal times. There is almost constant noise at his house, too.

As I was saying....he's cute in sub mode. He gets quiet and contemplative...he calls it thinkative, lol. Some of his triggers are cute and expected, others are such strong triggers that I'm totally floored by the reaction & strength of it. His reactions are very aural, not verbal as in actual intelligible words, but aural as in gutteral, bestial sounds for the most part and some girlish squealing.

It's been a lot of years since I allowed my Dominant side out. It is such a relief to be able to do so. I love to be beaten, in a good way of course, but I love just as equally to cause someone else the type of pain that causes that feral growl or girlish squeal, the body shakes, the emotions & sexual tensions, the eventual stress relief.

After play time & coming down we gathered some food & walked to his place for a non-Thanksgiving dinner. Both families got together for dinner & discussion! It was an awesome time, a time I think we would all like to repeat. I've brought up the thought of maybe doing it once a month as a time to get together, connect as a group and just have some fun. I've just got to talk to one or two other people about it. I've found it's better to talk to each person personally rather than depending another person to relay a message. Either the message gets garbled or forgotten, NOT a good thing.
There are as many ways to do polyamory as there are people practicing it!
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